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Dad, buy me: How do the children share the economic crisis?
In many families one spouse and even both do not work during this period.
How is it communicated to children, what is allowed, what is forbidden and to what extent?
Yehudit Oliver, a parent counselor at the Adler Institute, responds
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Judith Oliver
Tuesday, 22 September 2020, 00:07
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The Corona period has shown and is showing its signs in economic aspects of the economy and among many families.
Closed businesses, jobs that reduced the number of employees and the self-employed whose business activities were affected.
We are used to living in certainty in the various aspects of our lives and also financially.
We know what our salary is each month, what is the scope of our business activity at any time of the year, and accordingly manage the family budget and plan future expenses based on the income of the breadwinners in the family.
Families, according to the income capacity of the breadwinners, build their way of life.
Lifestyle is a derivative of economic ability - how many people buy, what they buy, whether they go on a family vacation and where, buying products and furniture for the home, renovating and more.
During the corona period many families found and found themselves affected by the economic consequences of the spreading virus.
Family income has been damaged or decreased, one or both spouses have been taken on unpaid leave and may even have been fired.
All of these affect the family budget and everything that is derived from it and based on it.
The children see and hear everything - they hear the conversations between the parents and the reactions in the face of the news about the financial situation.
The children witness worried, anxious and frustrated parents.
The question is what to say to children?
To what extent to share them, what to share them and is it right to share them at all?
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How do you hide the concern?
Should the concern be hidden at all?
True, the rule is to encourage parents to share with their children what they are going through and experiences from their world.
On the economic issue there are some reservations.
The children can be shared, however, to some extent and in part.
The principle in sharing with the children will be to leave at the end of the explanation and conversation, issue some positive statement, create an optimistic and encouraging horizon about the situation, such as: We have experienced this before and we know we will get out of it, we now create a new product for business and believe it may succeed.
The parents are the leaders of the family ship.
They know where and see for long distances.
Children rely on their parents as a source of understanding and security in the world.
Part of this security is reflected in the financial issue - the parents are the ones responsible for the family's livelihood.
From understanding this place, derives the degree of sharing.
The sharing should be to an extent that does not undermine the children's confidence and arouse in them fear or anxiety regarding the family's financial future.
The children are in a place where they have fewer options for action.
They cannot generate additional sources of income for the family, so there is nothing they can do, something operative, through action, that may address this concern or the anxiety that arises in the face of the decline in the family's income.
Children can be shared facts as cleanly, matter-of-factly and clearly as possible.
You can say I'm sorry I can not do workshops right now, you can say I was disappointed when my boss announced my departure for the Knesset and from here, to continue what I intend to do.
Allow children to ask questions, express the feelings that arise in them and give them legitimacy.
Avoid eliminating the difficulty involved, and yet know how to address it and close it positively and with an optimistic outlook.
The matter-of-fact explanation could occur after we have processed things between ourselves and our spouses, so we can come to our children not from the painful and agitated place.
The children can be shared in such a way that it will be expressed.
For example: during this period we will avoid shopping for things that are not really necessary.
It's true that it's always fun to rejuvenate in a fashionable shirt, but it's not urgent and you can do without it.
We continue dental care or class participation, but do not purchase a new bedding set.
Here the children can be invited to think together, to create priorities about what is important and necessary and what is currently less urgent and can be given up.
Challenging and difficult as it may be, children have the opportunity to see life as it is.
They too may encounter such life situations and be required to make changes and adjustments to the situation.
In this way you create for them an opportunity to understand that managing a family's budget is equivalent to running any business.
There is a certain amount of income and expenses derived from it.
Family activity is derived from economic priorities.
Planning and thinking about priorities - what is necessary and what is a luxury in this period.
Children learn from this for life and may take this understanding to their conduct in their adult lives.
Our ability to look at this change from a practical and positive place will affect how our children will accept it and what they will remember from it.
Judith Oliver is a parent counselor at the Adler Institute.
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