Can each couple survive a transatlantic relationship, and what to know before a family relocation • In honor of International Valentine's Day, we explored how to go together overseas

• Floreth and Michael

  Photo:

  Matz Katz

Good parity is the wish of many singles, which is probably why many are willing and even able to maintain relationships from a distance, when their spouse or spouse is overseas. At International Valentine's Day, we are quite engaged in relationships and love, and this is the place to name those who are brave enough, or motivated to make their relationship successful at all costs, and to see if their love is worth the difficulty of a transatlantic relationship.

"When we are young, there is something magical about knowing someone different from us who comes from a different culture, but as the love dissipates, a lot of difficulties emerge that bring him a transatlantic connection," says Dolly Seal, a psychologist and relationship coach and family. The person who chose a partner who lives in another country is Florie Shuyht (27), who married Michael Weeks (28) last year. She is from Israel and is from England, and they live in Redding, England.

"We recognized a bus on a trip from Thailand to Cambodia in 2015. I was traveling after an army in the East and then traveled alone, and Michael volunteered at a clinic in Siem Reap. During the long journey all the people on the bus connected, and we connected especially. The next day we arranged to tour the ancient temples, and since then we have been inseparable." , Says Sheikhit.

First the couple had a relationship from a distance, and then they settled in together. "It was challenging to keep in touch when we lived in different countries," adds Weeks. "We talked every day, but the best part was when we met. The most exciting encounter we had was when I bought a plane ticket to Israel in secret and surprised Florie at the door to her roommate."

How did you manage to stay in touch?

"The daily connection in Skype and Wattsap allowed us to create deep friendships. We talked and corresponded every day, and became first of all soul mates. Obviously, there were difficult moments, especially when we had trouble finding time to meet. Our record was that we didn't meet for five months, and it wasn't easy and undermining," they say. .

The difficulty of the relationship continues even after Floret copied her life to England. She said: "I understood the complexity of it when I moved to England. There I felt foreign and lonely, especially when we were in crises. However, these experiences shaped and strengthened us and our confidence in each other. , And that if we are both brave enough, we will succeed, "she concludes.

"We were together for four years when we got engaged and even our families knew each other. My parents gave us their blessing from the beginning of the relationship. Originally, I had no intention of living abroad or marrying someone who is not Israeli or Jewish, but my Jewish and Israeli identity is solidified, and Michael respects You set my values. My family and I, of course, are not simply the distance between us, and I try to stay as involved and as close as possible, "says Sheikhit.

Regarding thinking about the future they are expecting, the two say, "We still do not know where the peg gets stuck. It is an appalling aspect, because we have to imagine the future in two quite different places, where there are pluses and minuses. We hope that we will continue to draw strength from each other in any decision we make." .

Are left behind

Another type of complex relationship occurs when the couple is forced to relocate, usually following a change of one's workplace, which often causes the couple's relationship to deteriorate. "In this case, the couple needs to understand that when they choose a relationship where one of them lives in a new country they don't know, it will require more emotional and mental resources. Such a relationship requires a lot of discourse and understanding of what each partner needs in order for the couple to last," says Seal,

She adds: "Many times the man attracts the whole family abroad, and the one who pays the price is the woman, who finds herself without work, or with a job that does not suit her skills. A situation was created in which one spouse experienced a personal and professional rise, and the other experienced the transition as a withdrawal. It is important to understand what is going on. The couple should go through all the areas together and see how one can help so that the unsent spouse finds meaning. The positive side of relocation is that it is an experience that can consolidate the family. The nuclear cell becomes a cohesive unit. "

Thair Mordoch of Tel Aviv, director of the "Women in the World of Opportunities - Relocation" community, says her husband, Guy, has lived "on the line" for years. He currently works in Europe during the week and returns home this weekend, but before this arrangement the whole family lives together overseas. "We went to Tokyo eight years ago when Guy received an offer to set up Japan and Korea for Amdocs. We traveled with our daughters, Noam and Afri, who were 9, and a colleague who was 3 and a half years old.

"I spent the first six months traveling in Tokyo and very much enjoyed it, but one day I noticed that Guy was getting dressed every morning, going out in a work suit, the girls were adjusting to school, and I was doing nothing with myself. From there, it started to permeate the couple, and I realized I had to reinvent myself. I set up a Mediterranean cooking school in Tokyo, and things started to get better in the family as well, "says Murdoch.

"The success of the relocation requires attention and a lot of investment in relationships and family. There is no man or woman in this situation who does not fall into the place of victims and ask themselves 'what I did for myself' and 'what I came here at all.' The key point is to be very attentive to each other. The difficulties, the desires, the aspirations of each partner, and finding the way it will work, because we love and want to stay together. "

However, the connection does not always cross the sea, and there are couples who divorce after failing to bridge the gaps that reality requires. Little from Jerusalem says her ex-husband's relocation was the reason for their marriage breakup. "We were married for three years without children, when they offered to move to Budapest," she says. "We were there for almost a year and a half. At first I was happy about the transition, but many times I felt lonely. Later in the year I was accepted to work in the studio and I was a babysitter. And make friends, but he worked a lot and didn't give up time for relationships, which caused a lot of anger.

"At one point, I came back to Israel to have fertility treatments, and when I got pregnant I couldn't go back because I was at risk. We continued like that for a few more months, when he would come once every two weeks, but we didn't have a home and lived with my parents, which didn't help our couples. The bond, and after giving birth I went back for three weeks, but it didn't work out and we ended up divorcing. "

There are quite a few success and failure stories. The question is whether this significant change can work for any couple. As a community manager for thousands of women, Murdoch is often asked if she recommends relocation: "When people ask me whether to relocate, the first question I ask them is how their relationship is, because the transition is accompanied by a very big crisis that needs surviving, and there should be excellent communication between the couple. People sometimes think that relocation is like having another child, that it will save the couple, but take note - that's not the case. "