Returning to schools and kindergartens is fraught with challenges for both parents and children, who after a long stay at home will have to get used to a new and full of restrictions • Experts explain how we will succeed in the new routine and related difficulties

During the Corona, we got used to a new routine for both parents and children. A routine without educational frameworks, economic crisis, avoiding social and family gatherings and more. Now, with the signs of returning to the routine, there is quite a challenge for parents and children.  

Orit Meller, a clinical psychologist at the mental health clinic for children and youth at Hillel Yaffe Medical Center, and Iris Granot, child development expert, who runs the "Home in Pajamas" Facebook group and runs the Tiff & Tef Center in Holon, explains how the corona has affected the children and recommends How to prepare wisely for a return to routine and educational settings.   

"This is a time that can cause children to have regressive, childish behaviors," says Meller. "Some children will return to exhibit behaviors that have already been weaned off, such as finger sucking, wetting, or tantrums. So, on an emotional level, the parent should ask himself what the child is expressing in his behavior, do he feel anxious? Is he in any distress?"

"There are children who will now exhibit more dependent behavior patterns and attachment to parents, both because of increased availability of parents at home, and from anxiety or distress that causes the virus to emerge in our lives and also by returning to the educational setting these days," she adds. 

According to Meller, we must also remember the older children, who are now required to demonstrate independence, which was not the case in the days before the Corona. For example, children in families where the parents work are essential who return in the evening and need to take care of their younger siblings, as the ability to use extended family or babysitting services is limited. 

"Occasionally, there may be higher expectations of older children for independence, so it is advisable to prepare in advance with an organized program, a sort of organized to-do list, to facilitate their coping," Meller recommends. "In addition, it is worthwhile having an open family conversation to coordinate expectations and provide possible solutions if needed, all of course depending on the child's age and personal ability."

Return to routine will not be easy // Photo: Gideon Markowitz

Granot notes that returning to educational settings these days is a different one. "We're not going back to a routine that was, it's not like one in September, we're going back from a" home vacation "to a different educational format, to a routine that the kids don't know. Like our adults, it's hard to go back to a different routine and try to learn to cope. .

According to her, the children will only meet some of the children in the classroom, sitting separately and breaks that include other rules is a different reality than they knew, and for the toddler returning to kindergartens will be different. "The children will return next week to the kindergarten teacher who will not be able to hug them. They will see the kindergartener, staff and assistants with a mask. We must understand that this may create confusion, deterrence and resistance. They should listen to their fears, give them the opportunity to ask questions and yet not over-detail. To give concrete information. " 

How do you explain the fact that the kindergarten teacher cannot hug?

"It is important to prepare at home ahead of time, and to explain to the child what is expected of him. Explain that if he cries goodbye in the morning and wants a hug from the kindergarten teacher, she will not be able to give it to him and will not be surprised. Find another way to take comfort in explaining that all this is not because the preschooler no longer loves them, but because of the corona, to give an explanation that it is a virus that requires us to keep one distance from each other in order for us to be healthy. The group of children will meet and more. " 

Asked what to do with children who fell in love with the home routine and proximity to parents and did not want to go back to Granot season: "There is no doubt, especially for the children who were surrounded by parents and siblings 24 hours and the house rules were loose. We've played, seen movies and all that may stop now. There will be kids who will have trouble coming back because from a situation we told them they shouldn't go out and stay home, going out to an educational setting. No teacher or kindergarten teacher can hug and comfort, there are rules to adhere to, it's a very dramatic change ". 

How to calm the pressure that goes through the child's head?

"It is worthwhile as part of the preparation to mention and show pictures from various events, which they had in the kindergarten during the year. Open a conversation and ask who you miss, what did you like to play in the garden? What would you like it to be and more. It is advisable to let the children experiment with the masks at home that will practice putting them on for a while, decorating them with stickers to give them a place to make friends and turn it into something fun. "

Parents and children getting used to new routines // Photo: Ami Shuman

What to avoid?

"Conversations where children may hear your concerns and concerns. Such conversations with spouse or friends, do not do in front of the child, they should not hear that you are debating / anxious. Emphasize to the children that you send them confidently and confidently that it will be okay. Talk calmly and with a smile , That I am here and I keep you and you can share with me every day what was in kindergarten / school and really clear the time when they come back to hear about their experiences, and concerns if there are. " 

If a child is resisting and does not want to return to the educational setting?

Granot: "Asking what worries him, what he fears, why he doesn't want to come back. Say: 'I had fun with you at home,' 'and I will miss the time we were together at home,' 'I understand your difficulty.' And make a list of the things the child loved to do with you and want to preserve. "

Meller argues that in these cases, too, it is worth noting and providing individualized response for each child according to his age. "If a child finds it difficult to do independent tasks he has done before, such as dressing alone and wants the parent to do it for him, he can be offered to do it together this time, to remind him that he is capable, to encourage him next time to do it himself in the presence of the parent, and, if necessary, to create a structured reinforcement program For specific situations. " 

What unusual behaviors can occur and are considered reasonable and when should counseling be sought?

Meller: "Some will be more dependent on their parents or older siblings and on the contrary, there are children who, at this time, actually empower them and strengthen their self-confidence. As parents, try to encourage the children to independence, to believe and support them. Indirect (for example, regressive behaviors).