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The Guide Every Parent Should Know: How to Identify Kindergarten Abuse?

Let's start from the end: most kindergarten teachers do their job faithfully and out of love, and many children have difficulties in kindergarten that are not related to abuse. Still - there are warning signs that are very important to recognize

• Child abuse
• Children
• Kinder gardens
• parenthood

Chen Katz

In recent years we have witnessed a marked increase in cases of physical and mental abuse of kindergarten teachers and assistants in kindergartens in general and in private kindergartens in particular. This phenomenon is a difficult and shaky phenomenon in which adults exploit the helpless by being "easy" victims, and it raises a lot of fears in every parent.

Unfortunately, parents often do not notice the same abuse and do not hear about it from their children. There are a number of reasons for this, including the fact that these are children who are too young to understand or warn. In addition, children by nature love the caring and familiar characters, even if the relationship is unhealthy, it is the relationship they know and know with those characters. Sometimes they may also interpret the same abuse as a regular or routine punishment in kindergarten, because that is what they are familiar with.

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Towards the new year and the adjustment to the new or more or less new frameworks, we have gathered the information that will help you better understand what is happening in your child's kindergarten. Is he in a warm, towering and loving place or alternatively if you have reason to suspect. Although several attempts have been made in recent years to enact laws aimed at protecting infants and toddlers, unfortunately they have not been implemented and enforced. Therefore, it is your responsibility to understand where your children are, what happens in the kindergarten during the day and who the characters are responsible for it.

Do not be afraid to ask questions, lots of questions

Before you put a child in a new kindergarten there are some important questions to ask, such as what are the certifications and trainings of the kindergarten teachers, the experience of the staff and whether it is possible to see certificates of integrity from the police. It is also important to ask: Are there cameras in the garden? What is the educational approach? How do they deal with challenges like beatings or bites in the garden? Is the agenda structured in the garden and how much time is spent in the garden and in the yard? What spaces are there in the garden and what challenges and stimuli are there in it? I also came across kindergartens for toddlers that all the activity and agenda take place in one room, which is unacceptable and unreasonable at any age. It is your right and your duty to choose the right and most suitable garden for your family, even at the cost of looking for additional alternatives.

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Even if you have already enrolled your children in the framework, it is important to stop and ask all the questions that concern you because this is actually your initial acquaintance with the kindergarten, and so you will also better understand the mood of the staff. Also, think about your relationship with the kindergartener, do you connect with her? Feel like you're in the same head? Connecting between you and the staff is important so that you feel confident in leaving your children there every day anew.

Normally I would also suggest you spend time in kindergarten to understand how to approach the child, whether to talk to him at eye level, teach him the rules in kindergarten calmly and restrainedly or tend to get upset with the child when he checks or punishes and gets angry. In the days of Corona this is not possible, but it is still possible to check with the veteran parents in the kindergarten these points. Educational and sensitive staff knew how to see the child, explain to him pleasantly and invest in his learning and understanding. It is important to remember that although the choice is difficult, it is the choice we made. It is important that we trust the staff in the kindergarten as much as possible, otherwise how will our little one manage to feel safe in the kindergarten and trust himself?

Be attentive to the child in the afternoon

Try to observe the child at home in the afternoon, being attentive to his patterns. How does he get home from kindergarten? Is he very quiet or happy? Does he seem to have grown up in kindergarten, evolved, learned, knows the songs or knows how to hold a pencil or marker in a way that surprises you. Did he learn to eat better in the garden or sleep well? Does he address the habits and apply them at home as well? Do you feel the love of the staff for your child and the affection when you come in the morning or in the afternoon? All of these can help you understand if it is good for your child in kindergarten.

Familiarize yourself with the warning signs

Warning signs that will light a red light for us are the lack of control of the gardeners, the fatigue of the staff every time you come to the garden, dramatic reactions of the staff or alternatively very generic answers that "everything was fine" without really being able to detail.

At home we can see at young ages blue or red marks on the body, especially in the buttocks area, bleeding in the eyes, swelling, fractures and immobility in the limbs, injuries and signs of hand pita that occur over time. In children who experience violence in kindergarten, one can also identify repeated violent reactions towards toys or dolls, or vice versa, rather a feeling of apathy and unwillingness to play at home after kindergarten. Also, sudden regressions, sudden fears of loud noises or unfamiliar characters that do not go away after a while.

At later ages we see paintings that can show anomalies, for example with big hands and sad or angry looks. There are blood sentences that can turn on red lights such as shouting at the dolls or cursing and very angry and inappropriate matches. In this context, also try to ask specific questions such as how is the kindergarten teacher angry? What do you do in kindergarten when a child behaves badly?

What do you do when violence is suspected?

It is important to remember that in early childhood there are often regressions in diet, sleep and behavior, and it is important not to attribute any regression to the conduct of staff in kindergarten. Like all regressions at these ages, they will move in one form or another. If you see extreme changes that you have not experienced before and are accompanied by more warning signs, this is the time to ask more parents and try to understand from the staff what is happening in the kindergarten in order to get clear and evasive answers. A good and warm teacher will want to think together with you about how and what can be done to create a good and pleasant atmosphere in the kindergarten for your children. Still, if necessary, in cases where the fear grows - do not hesitate to involve professionals for diagnosis or joint thinking, or alternatively involve the police.

Be attentive to your instinct, try to understand if your child enjoys kindergarten and is good for him. Does he win a team that wants to develop it and invests in it. A kindergarten or nursery should not be a babysitter. A garden at its core should be an educational and learning space, depending on need and development. There is a crucial importance to learning and understanding in a pleasant and accepting environment. If you feel this is not happening do not hesitate to contact the teacher and understand how this can be done, so that you feel more secure and your children will feel that his parents take care of him, even when they are not there.

But at the end of the day, despite the scary reports in the news, try to remember that most gardeners do their job faithfully. They have chosen this profession, and it is important for them to do it well. Most gardeners love their work and do it within a sense of mission. Usually, the profile of an abusive teacher is a profile that meets a particular profile and is very problematic, but it is important not to generalize to all kindergarteners and remember that not every fear or change in behavior will indicate abuse.

Chen Katz is a social worker, MSW - an expert in parenting and sleep