The failure of good intentions is one of the reasons why the third Monday in January, since 2005, according to the theory of psychologist Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University, falls on Blue Monday, the saddest day of the year, the one in which the level of bad mood is higher than all other Mondays of the year. Little light, it's the middle of winter, the holidays are over and the new ones are far away, in short, a blue, sad mix.
Among the rituals of every new year there is that of thinking about changes, to do better, 'new year new me' they say, new year new myself, in short, good intentions, a keyword that only in Italy in January is searched for every 8 minutes and then decreases during the year. It is enthusiasm and motivation that make us figure good intentions, but we also know that many often remain a dead letter. Without wanting to be negatively influenced, however, it is known from recent studies that about 80% of good resolutions for the new year are destined to be set aside and not come true.
Why do resolutions fail?
"The beginning of a new year stimulates us to reflect on the future and imagine a 'better version' of ourselves. This projection, initially full of momentum and determination, often finds itself clashing with reality when the good intentions, initial engines of change, show the first signs of failure. It has now become customary to talk about Blue Monday, the third Monday in January, traditionally recognized as the saddest day of the year. It is, in fact, precisely from the second half of January that our good intentions often begin to falter. We realize that, probably, the goals we had set for ourselves, driven by the desire for a 'new life', were perhaps too ambitious. This awareness can cause a sense of failure in us and give rise to anxiety, sadness and frustration," commented Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris, Psychotherapist and Clinical Director of the online psychology service and Benefit company Unobravo.
How can you feel satisfied? Set achievable goals and embrace change.
"The first step to success is to set yourself goals that are realistic and within your reach and, above all, that you strongly desire. Very often, in fact, in drawing up our list of good intentions we focus on what we think we want rather than what we really want and this leads us to set goals that do not really reflect who we are. This is how we fail precisely because, deep down, a given purpose does not belong to us, but is dictated by external conditioning. It is also essential to be truly prepared to embrace change. This openness means having the willingness to get involved, explore unknown perspectives, face new challenges, get out of one's comfort zone and overcome any fears or resistance. It is, in fact, only by leaving our comfort zone that we can open ourselves up to new opportunities and transform fears related to change into a driving force for our personal growth," added Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
Change: A journey of personal growth.
The term "change" literally means change, transformation, variation. In psychology, with "change" means the transformation of an individual as a process of self-realization or as a result of the tendency to change and resistance to it.
Change is a universal phenomenon: each of us in the course of our lives has been confronted with it or, in other cases, has desired it so intensely that we have become its advocate. Our lives are cyclically subjected to transformations that can affect the most disparate spheres: from work to love, up to family, friendship or studies. Change is an essential element thanks to which our life advances and changes and we evolve with it, in a constant process of growth.
Change is essential, even if it's scary.
But if change really plays such an important role and constitutes an inexhaustible source of personal enrichment, why, then, is it so complex to deal with and can be scary?
"Change, in all its facets, represents a crucial moment in the life of each of us. Even when desired and sought, it is completely normal and physiological to experience worries in dealing with it. The process of change pushes us, in fact, to project ourselves into the unknown, the uncertain and the new, inevitably forcing us to leave behind a part of ourselves and to abandon some of our certainties and fixed points. Often the fear of change has its roots in the difficulty that each of us feels in getting out of the comfort zone, a safe haven within which we feel comfortable and where everything is familiar to us, but which, however, in the long run could turn into a "golden prison". Staying anchored to one's comfort zone for a long time can, in fact, cage us in a predictable and controllable routine, limiting opportunities for personal evolution and growth. Getting out of the comfort zone, on the contrary, is a precious opportunity to enrich our lives by giving us the opportunity to experiment in new contexts, open ourselves to new horizons and perspectives, get to know ourselves better, discover new aspects of our personality, identify and exploit hidden resources and learn to embrace change as an essential element of our life path. This process also helps to enhance the confidence we have in ourselves and in our abilities, raising self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy and thus opening the doors to a world of previously unexplored opportunities," explained Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
Fear of change: where does it come from and what are the triggers?
"Dealing with change means dealing with uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and it involves going into unknown territory. This can generate resistance, anxiety, and even fear in us. Fear of change is a complex phenomenon, which can arise from several factors. It is often linked to the fear of the new and the unknown, dimensions that represent a challenge to our innate need for stability and predictability. This anxiety about what we don't know is closely connected to the fear of losing control and not being able to predict the results and effects that change will inevitably have on our lives. Another widespread fear is that of failure and to disappoint oneself or others. This fear is often fueled by low self-esteem that could lead us to think that we are not up to it and unable to cope with change effectively and profitably. In the same way, it is also possible to experience the fear of success, as this could alter existing relational balances or put us in front of new responsibilities. Sometimes, this fear can also be triggered by the fear of not being able to experience the happiness that we expected to achieve when we set ourselves the goal to be achieved. Finally, the perception of being judged by others or the fear of loneliness in the process of change can also act as a brake. Being afraid of change and novelty is completely normal and is not in itself a bad thing, but it becomes a problem when it hinders personal growth and limits our search for new paths to happiness," commented Perris
Metathesiophobia: when the fear of change becomes a real phobia.
Being afraid of change is absolutely physiological. Sometimes, however, this fear can manifest itself excessively and turn into an insurmountable obstacle, thus taking on the appearance of a real phobia. This is the case for those who suffer from metathesiophobia, an anxiety disorder characterized by an intense and persistent fear of change and novelty. Metathesiophobia manifests itself with the typical symptoms of anxiety disorder, such as worry, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, tachycardia, nervousness, irritability, and insomnia. This phobia, rooted in fear of the new and the unknown, drives those affected to actively resist any form of change in an attempt to strenuously maintain the status quo. Another trait that many metathesiophobes have in common is the inclination to irrational self-belief that anything new is inherently bad, even when it could bring benefits.
Metathesiophobia is a condition that can profoundly impact the lives of those who suffer from it, affecting the ability to cope with change and make transformative decisions and thus limiting the opportunities to explore new perspectives. Overcoming metathesiophobia is, however, possible: with time, the right support and, if necessary, a targeted therapeutic approach, you can learn to manage this disabling phobia. Overcoming metathesiophobia can lead not only to significant individual growth, but also to a more fulfilling life full of unexpected opportunities.
"The help of an expert," Perris concluded, "can help us overcome our fears, learning to face moments of transition in a more positive and conscious way. This is the theme of Unobravo's 'Good Resolutions 2024' campaign to raise awareness among people to take better care of psychological well-being in the new year. Through the psychological path we can embark on a journey of self-exploration and acquire greater knowledge of ourselves and it will be an ally in the process of strengthening our self-esteem and self-efficacy."
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