Self love small magazine/publicity
The legend that circulates in the remote villages of Tibet tells of Tibetan monks, who for days and nights create wonderful mandalas using the sand.
It turns out that this is a very impressive art.
Many powers of thought, creation and real meditative concentration are invested in it.
But with the end of the work something very strange happens.
The monks who invested all their energy, wisdom and heart in it, breathe very deeply, and again and again, then scatter, blur and sweep everything they have created.
This thing they get used to, they call - non-attachment.
On second thought, our world works exactly like that too.
A person can work very hard, achieve many achievements and create entire towers but the universe may erase or change everything in the blink of an eye in all kinds of ways.
In fact if we delve into this - every moment erases the previous moment in some sense.
The only ones who don't know how to delete are us, the humans.
The first arrow and the second arrow
We all make mistakes, we know that.
And when we make a "mistake", we usually receive arrows of criticism from the near or far environment, whether at work or at home, whether in a more polite and fair way or less.
This is the first arrow, which happens naturally, and is likely to happen.
What is not really likely is to throw the second arrow directly into our hearts and souls.
As if the mistake wasn't enough, as if the criticism, judgment and reaction of the environment weren't enough, it's hard for us not to criticize and judge ourselves.
Sometimes we talk to or about ourselves in a way that we would never talk to another person, let alone our children and family members.
We are able to torment ourselves and torment ourselves for many hours for what others have long since forgiven us.
Beyond suffering, we sometimes "punish" ourselves, from the subconscious, in order to "learn" the lesson.
"It is difficult for us not to criticize and judge ourselves. Sometimes we speak to or about ourselves in a way that we would never dare to speak to another human being, let alone our children and family members"
Imagine you were fired from your job, you were told that there were reductions in the company, and they chose dismissal for you.
The first arrow has already been shot.
All the feelings of guilt you will have, the speculations of "I wasn't good enough", "If I had tried harder they would have left me", "It always happens to me" and the endless loop of what if I were... these constitute a second and poisonous arrow that you shoot at yourself.
Imagine that you work very hard, your reality is demanding, and for whole days you could not see the children, study and play with them.
The automatic response of our patterns and habits will be to shoot arrows of guilt and judgment at yourself, at life, at those around you.
It will start with thoughts of "what a bad father I am", "I can't live life the way I want", and will end with impatience towards yourself, towards your partner and even eventually towards your children.
at an unprecedented discount
The feeling of freedom of smooth skin from hair with a revolutionary home device
In collaboration with Sensica
The ability to focus ourselves in the present, minus the drama that was in the past/ShutterStock
Just don't feel pain
Why is this happening to us?
Why do we decide to shoot another arrow at ourselves?
"The world as it is," says the well-known proverb.
Humans create towers of fantasies, of emotions, skyscrapers of thoughts.
For every bit of word they heard - they built a whole theory, for every silence, and for every refusal.
While the world continues forward, the flowers continue to bloom and wither, the sunset rises again, and we remain stuck.
When things fall apart, the feeling we all want to escape should naturally come - the pain.
We humans are animals that try to survive our lives by running away from pain.
Longing for feelings of pleasure and satisfaction and running away from pain and loss.
It is very difficult for us to stay in the moment, especially when it is unpleasant for us.
Especially when the beautiful mandala we created fades away in the wind.
We are clingy creatures.
When we don't want to feel the pain, automatically as a repression mechanism, we shoot arrows of guilt and criticism at ourselves, at ourselves, at our spouses, at our children, poison arrows of resistance to reality, arrows of judgment, obsession, and even escape into various addictions: Over-dependence, obsessive thoughts, fantasies about what we don't have, and these create the human suffering we all suffer from.
After all, in the end we will land on the ground and feel both the pain and the suffering together.
And it is many times more complex.
Sweep the mandala in my head
So how can we help ourselves and avoid running into patterns that will not help us, and choose a life of health, recovery and happiness?
1. Acknowledge helplessness and give the pain a place -
when we experience a situation over which we have no control, we must say to ourselves out loud and speak our feeling in the face of the experience.
"This and that happened to me, I have no control over it, I did my best and even more, now I am helpless in the face of what is happening."
The recognition of helplessness brings us to a deep understanding that there are things that are out of our control and we must accept them if we have done everything we could.
This will prevent the second arrow from being thrown into the heart, and the dominoes that follow.
2. To try and deepen life in the here and now -
everyone has their own "here and now", the ability to focus ourselves in the present, minus the drama that was in the past, regrets and obsessive thoughts, and minus what will happen in the future - worries, doubts, speculations, is what will give us A moment of peace and presence in this moment.
3. Choose movement -
like the world, so are we.
Nature is stronger than anything, the sun sets and in the morning it rises again, and all the withered leaves - will grow again.
We must choose a movement that connects us to our natural nature as creatures.
Any movement that is good for focusing on the present, choose walking, yoga, running or whatever makes you feel good.
4. Slice life into small slices -
we should not swallow everything quickly.
Set yourself small but clear definitions and goals for the course of the day.
Do your tasks one after the other in an orderly manner, live in the moment.
5. Be aware of the price you pay for the second arrow -
the price that comes as a result of the torment, the escape, the judgment, the non-acceptance, the clinging to the suffering and the escape, is a heavy price.
There are those who may pay much more for these arrows than they deserve for it.
Women torment themselves for not being compassionate enough and at the same time behave with the same lack of compassion towards themselves.
Men torment and criticize themselves for not being responsible enough, and at the same time "run away" from real responsibility - a sharp view of reality and carrying a burden from now on.
Pay attention to your behavior and what it stems from.
Are you following her?
Or it becomes an engine of growth that will connect you to yourself again.
"There are other realities besides the reality in the newspapers. After all, there is also the reality of the little pink-red primrose and of the wide horizon, which lies beyond the chaos and confusion of our time," wrote writer Etti Hilsum, when she lived through the Holocaust firsthand.
And this is the secret of existence, our ability to choose growth and connection over escape and suffering.
Baruria Amar is a psychotherapist focused on trauma and addictions
More on the same topic:
Self-hatred
self love