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Italian couple dances "Cheek to Cheek" 0:44
(CNN) - It took us about three days of social distancing before we decided to permanently relocate our corner coffee table.
The once-weekly family dance party had quickly become a nightly ritual and we needed our space.
We moved with Lil Nas X's "Old Town Road", Antonín Dvořák's "Cello Concerto" (kids are into it, I swear), and the tune from Bill Withers' "Lean on Me".
Today's most popular psychology tells us to fight stress calmly and lonely. We must step back and watch the crash of our lives from a distance. Inhale Exhale.
While it is true that mindfulness and meditation work, they are not a cure. Sometimes what we need to feel better is not detachment, but other people and liberation. Sometimes we just need to dance.
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Yes, there is science for music and movement for, as Madonna put it in “Like a Prayer”, another favorite of the house, “take you there”. This feeling is sometimes called "collective effervescence," a term created by Émile Durkheim more than 100 years ago to describe the euphoric feelings people experience during group religious ceremonies.
When we share an experience with others, we tend to feel it more deeply and feel that we are connected to something greater than ourselves. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
It goes without saying that our opportunities for collective effervescence have been reduced exponentially by social distancing. But for those of us who live with our families or friends, not everything is off limits. Really, turn off the lights and turn on "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell or Martha and Vandellas' hit "Dancing in the Street", and I dare you not to get excited.
Family dance parties, literally home parties, give us an opportunity to experience that special mix of connection and abandon on a regular basis. They are free, easy to run, and quite possibly the difference between my family staying together or losing their minds during these extremely difficult times. See why they could do the same for you.
Why dancing feels so good
When we move our muscles, our bodies release endorphins, and those endorphins make us feel good. This is the case if we kayak, play baseball, or dance.
What makes dancing special right now is that it's accessible, just clean up a little space in your living room and turn on the music, and it can be done together. And yet, paradoxically, but also quite magnificently, it is a group activity that also allows for a lot of individual expression.
“What makes dance unique is that it is not just movement. It is a movement that is connected to self-expression and our feelings, ”said Jody Wager, a certified dance therapist and director of the expressive therapy program at Dominion Hospital in Falls Church, Virginia. (Her favorite dance songs are Prince's “Let's Go Crazy” and Balkan Beat Box's “Cha Cha”).
I know that I am not the only mother who has asked her children about their day or how they feel and received a bored look in response. Sometimes they just aren't in the mood, and sometimes they just don't know what to say.
While it is the job of parents to help children match words to feelings, it is also our job to help them express their feelings in other non-verbal ways. This is especially the case in situations like the current one, when an unprecedented and terrifying new reality could leave even adults speechless.
When we communicate with our bodies, we are not expected to make sense of things or form a coherent narrative. Movement draws on deeper feelings, more primary impulses, and leaves room for inventiveness and foolishness that language does not.
“Children learn to move before they learn to read or sing. Allowing them to move is allowing them to be an essential part of themselves in an important way, ”said Aili Bresnahan, a former dancer who teaches philosophy at Dayton University in Ohio.
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When children dance freely, “they are not on the receiving end of learning experiences. They are the givers, the creators, they are doing it themselves, "said Bresnahan, who turns on Latin jazz when he needs a good cathartic dance. . (Some of his favorites for family dance parties include "I Like It Like That" by Pete Rodriguez and "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega.)
"In terms of making memories with the family, the songs chosen could be those that have meaning for the family's cultural tradition," said Bresnahan. "I grew up in East Harlem, so Latin music does it for me, it was the feel of the neighborhood."
Along with self-expression, dancing also releases the anxiety that is rapidly building up in our bodies and minds and replaces it with something much more pleasant.
"When we dance, the pleasure centers in our brains light up," said Wager, explaining that the joy of dancing and the accompanying freedom is one of the main reasons.
If so, as Billy Idol put it in another extremely effervescent song, "Dancing by Myself," you still have a lot to gain from a good solo. Movement and music will likely improve your mood, and there is always the option to join a home party on Instagram, or create a more intimate one through Zoom, to feel the beat alongside others.
How to make the family dance
Wager reveals that the first step in starting a family dance party routine is to start by making smart musical choices. Pick something with a beat that's irresistible (more Motown, less art rock) and allow kids to pick their favorite songs.
For younger children, add some role plays. Maybe everyone has to dance like a particular animal, or even a particular color. Another option is frozen dancing, which kids love, especially when they take over the pause button. Or someone can be the leader and everyone must copy their movements.
Wager also suggests alternating faster music with slower music, which can help create a sense of calm whenever necessary. Put on lyrical music and dance in a sustained way. When we make slow movements, it can help trigger the relaxation response in our bodies. ”
For those resistant to the dance party, Bresnahan suggests turning off the lights or throwing a ball to the beat. “Ask your children: 'What do you want to do with that sound? How do you want to move with that? '”He said.
"The earlier you make your children dance, the less aware they will be of it later in life," he added.
This 'boy band' wants to accompany you in quarantine 2:46When we dance in our house, we let improvisation color the whole experience. Sometimes the lights are on and sometimes they are off. Sometimes the music is fast, and sometimes it is soft.
Sometimes we use instruments and accessories, and sometimes they are just bodies moving in space. Sometimes we dance for almost an hour, and sometimes it's just one or two songs.
Sometimes "Shake it Off" (thanks Taylor Swift); some days “Fight Song” (thanks Rachel Platten); And some days we go to wordless EDM (electronic dance music), my oldest son's new favorite genre. Strength comes in many flavors.
My children know that unlike going outside or studying at home, or the millions of things that were canceled overnight, this is something that cannot go wrong.
Instead, it is a reliable time to reconnect with our bodies, our minds, and with each other. Unlike almost anything else we're doing right now, the millions of family support acts needed to get through the day, the dance party is one thing that is truly for us and for us together.
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