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Adolescents: from oblivion in confinement to constant criticism in the new normal
How to live with teenagers
The stage of adolescence is fascinating in terms of the changes it implies in young people, who are in full search of what will be their adult identity. However, the behaviors that this transformation implies can be translated into misunderstanding by adults, who over the years, tend to forget our rebellious streak of youth.
“Teens are reputed to be sleepyheaded, rebellious, selfish, breaded , crazy, unconscious, or unsupportive. But, all this has its explanation. The fundamental task of the adolescent is to say goodbye to her childhood stage to go in search of her adult identity. A whole long and complex process that takes years and in which psychic, emotional and physiological factors intervene, such as sleeping a lot, because your body is undergoing a new explosion of growth just comparable to the stage of rapid change that occurs in the first years of life ”, explains Tristana Suárez, Gestalt psychologist and therapist.
Being a teenager is not easy. Assuming and integrating the changes that this age requires is a challenge that “often implies that withdrawn attitude, which is often confused with awkwardness or distraction, because they are often captured by endless thoughts and internal sensations that capture their attention. Their center of operations are their own bodies and minds, and those of their peers. The adult world is blurred and blurred, the childish, sometimes longed for and others rejected and obsolete, "adds Suárez.
Adolescents live in a border world between childhood and adulthood. Their attitude “does not mean that they are not affected or interested in the problems of the world, but they do need to withdraw much of their attention, and even their empathy, to be able to dedicate themselves to the main thing, redefine their world and their identity. Adults tend to misinterpret it and thus generate many misunderstandings and conflicts that are not the product of bad faith on the part of the adolescent, even if they exasperate us. But the work that in adolescence should be done to become healthy and capable adults is what we call individuation , to become autonomous and responsible for ourselves, "says Tristana Suárez.
How teens tackle the pandemic
The fame of the adolescent pasota and rebellious is usually about an adult perception. "I do not think that adolescents pass on what happens with the pandemic, but for them it is a vital necessity not to place it in the center of their experience. It is not carelessness, but self-protection. For this reason, they often need that more reflective auxiliary self that allows them to have a broader and more comprehensive view of reality, a task that parents must cultivate. Adolescents need to reaffirm their selves and usually do so with their peers and facing adults, that the more they react to their attitude, the more tension they will create. If we maintain clear but flexible limits and rules; Without betraying our own values or leaving our place as adults in charge, it will be more bearable. In this sense, confinement has given for a lot of coexistence, which is not the same as simple contact, "explains Tristana Suárez.
What do teens have in mind?
Being 15 does not mean being exempt from existential concerns. “In consultation, adolescents often bring a lot of concern about their future and about conflicts or disagreements with friends or partners. They also have insecurity problems with their bodies, excessive demands and lack of direction or clear life goals. In short, everything that has to do with what is typically experienced in this stage full of questions and in which finding immediate and comforting answers is not easy. In reality, behind the aspect of amusement or unconsciousness of the adolescents there is a lot of existential anguish and a feeling of loneliness ”, concludes the psychologist Tristana Suárez.
Adolescents, rebels with a cause
The rebellious spirit of a teenager has its function, because “to reveal themselves, they rebel, as a process of going out into the world to be and be visible in their own way. Childhood is the stage in which it is necessary to impregnate yourself with social and family values, learning what life, the world, school or the neighborhood is like, and adolescence is the stage in which you can apply everything acquired from children. What is worth and what is not useful is screened and reviewed. So far, adolescents have been served with certain supports and now want to explore others, and this may conflict with family values. It is the age to resolve past controversies about situations as I always have to do what you say or you will not send me more . Therefore, adolescents can face authority and question what they could not do during childhood, "explains Ana Muñoz Gundián, Gestalt psychologist and therapist, member of the Spanish Association for Gestalt Therapy.
Adolescence is a time in life when young people can be accompanied from home to “promote the maturity they are approaching, the ability to make decisions and take responsibility for them, as well as to participate actively in the home . It should also be remembered that it is still time to play. Sharing playful moments with teenage children helps create a space for relaxation and connection where issues of authority and power can be set aside, ”says Muñoz.
The situations in which it is convenient not to fall with the adolescent children are “to disregard their concerns. Sometimes, the 14-year-old concerned about their friendship relationships is no longer seen, and is labeled as a teenager and their problems, which makes it difficult to accompany the young person without judgment, who has concerns and different ways of understanding adults. life. Nor should press. Teens are learning what their rhythm is, how they can move between boundaries, or how to organize. They are facing a multitude of daily challenges, such as crushes, social roles, choices, or academic assignments. They already have a lot of pressure in their day to day, they don't need more at home. What is recommended is a clear communication about limits and rules, which in some cases, can be negotiated from flexibility, because it is not recommended to say you will do what I tell you, as you do what you want . It is about accompanying and protecting without judgments that will encourage more adolescent questions about the approaches of adults, "concludes the psychologist Ana Muñoz.
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