Love in times of Trump and Corona: my wedding despite obstacles

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US correspondent Marc Pitzke and husband Darren Anthony

Photo: Claudia Paul

The nice woman threatening our marriage has raised her right hand and her left on the Bible.

"I solemnly swear that I will defend the United States Constitution," said Amy Coney Barrett.

"So help me God."

Donald Trump shines happily next to her.

The scene in front of the dramatically lit White House is reminiscent of a Hollywood premiere.

Shortly after the US Senate rushed her through, the arch-conservative lawyer Barrett will be sworn in on Monday evening as the new judge on the Supreme Court, who will move to the right for decades.

The nice woman who threatens our marriage.

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Conservative for life: New Supreme Court judge Amy Coney Barrett

Photo: JONATHAN ERNST / REUTERS

The wedding cake - or what's left of it - is still fresh: my partner Darren and I got married on Sunday.

It was a remarkable celebration, for many reasons, and, in ironically random timing, the day before Barrett's Debutante Ball.

Before, our marriage could never have happened.

First politics forbade them, or better: the Puritan society.

Then the midlife demons whispered doubts ("You have passed your best time!").

Finally, Corona sparked in, which led to a wedding that was, well, extraordinary in every respect - but for that very reason also unforgettable.

We took one hurdle after the other.

Which is why we are armed against an existential threat like the ultra-conservative Barrett.

Darren and I belong to a population group whose human rights, at least for our generation, have long been negotiable - and are still negotiable for many, especially under the fig leaf of religion.

Barrett, eleven years younger than me, recently belittled same-sex fates to "preference", as if we were choosing between meat or fish.

She quickly apologized as a slip of the tongue.

One of the Freudian kind, I suspect.

From one non-relationship to another

Whereby even "preference" was a kind of progress for a long time, for which we had to thank you - progress compared to all the other swear words.

When I was in elementary school I was bullied because I preferred to play the piano rather than soccer.

As a student I was automatically sorted into a "milieu" as if gays belonged in the red light, damn it in a shadowy world.

Friends died of AIDS, I moved from one non-relationship to the next.

The courageous took to the streets and demonstrated for the right

.

Nobody knew how long they had to live and whether they would ever deserve the things that others would take for granted: "

" said the US pledge that I first heard at a high school when I was 17 Boston, where they prayed him down every morning before class.

There was also bullied.

We were forbidden to marry for as long as we could remember.

At best, we were fobbed off with "partnerships" or "life communities" that didn't taste better just because they were spiced with the adjectives "registered" and "civil".

Second class marriage?

No thanks - then better none at all.

The concept of marriage is far too heteronormative anyway.

This is how one thinks of one's own exile.

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"Love is love": White House after the judgment on same-sex marriage in 2015

Photo: GARY CAMERON / REUTERS

Then came June 26, 2015.

, celebrated every year with parades that the media likes to dismiss as "flashy" and "dazzling", became the month of liberation.

Especially in the USA, my adopted home, which for once was ahead of the oh-so-open-minded Germans.

When the Supreme Court established same-sex marriage as a basic right nationwide (and Barrett was still a law professor), America, as so often in the Obama era, seemed to finally leave its gloomy past behind, despite decades of dodging by the "Christian" conservatives .

The sacrifices of generations of activists had paid off.

Her battle cry: "

."

"No covenant is more profound than marriage," wrote Judge Anthony Kennedy at the time for a 5: 4 majority in the US Supreme Court, "because it embodies the highest ideals of love, loyalty, devotion, sacrifice and family."

Explosion of joie de vivre and relief

Alright

Kennedy has been married as long as I've been in the world;

so he may have somewhat overestimated the respect for the institution of marriage.

Behind some LGBTQ-hating politicians / preachers there is a self-hating sinner who seduces pool boys or pays out porn stars and, caught (but only then), begs for forgiveness.

Those were the ones who were allowed what we wanted.

But grace and equality for us?

Blasphemy!

"You are asking for equal dignity before the law," Kennedy wrote euphemistically.

"The Constitution gives them this right."

Millions cheered with us and for us;

the

Manhattan

, two days after the judgment, was an explosion of joy and relief.

My own jubilation was of course limited.

Single, without someone I would have wanted to marry at the time like so many US couples who ran to the registry offices to quickly get under the hood, I soon slipped into the gay midlife crisis: Who wants you at our age?

Are we the lost generation?

Was the revolution too late for us?

Wedding proposal at lofty heights: the Rockefeller Center's viewing terrace

Photo: Drew Angerer / AFP

Shortly afterwards Darren came.

Almost four years later, as a guide for friends, we ended up on the viewing terrace of the Rockefeller Center one evening.

We stared at the postcard-kitschy sunset over the city that had brought us together.

"

"

"

."

It was that simple.

And yet not that easy.

Our transatlantic

, planned for May of this year, burst in the transatlantic corona lockdown.

To this day, New York's registry offices are closed.

The "Project Cupid" of the city administration finally allowed us

to apply virtually for the

("

, a kind of "

for married couples)

required in the USA

.

The first steps in twos at the computer, the final straight in threes via video chat, with an excited registrar in the home office.

Groomsmen in the living room

With the marriage license in hand, we could finally start.

At least half the throttle.

City Hall is closed, the pandemic prohibits parties.

So we hired the Reverend Annie, a non-denominational priestess, to trust us at home.

In addition, two groomsmen, four friends and a dog, more did not fit into the Brooklyn living room with Corona distance, everyone except the dog wore masks.

The others joined in via web conference, 64 video connections in the USA and Europe.

Unfortunately, even parents, siblings, nieces and nephews could only watch TV.

There was no online dress code, but we asked to at least be dressed.

Jeffrey Toobin, the CNN commentator and star author of "New Yorker", had just shown how this can go wrong, who "accidentally" did more than just chat during a video chat with colleagues.

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Last bastion: mourning arrangement for Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Photo: Andrew Harnik - Pool Via Cnp / imago images / ZUMA Wire

Our wedding despite the obstacles was bizarre and brilliant and moving.

Some followed them in their sweatshirts, others had dressed up with hat and hair and a home buffet.

"May your life and your light make the world a better place," said Reverend Annie.

Tears flowed on both sides of the WLAN.

Our mute button stuck;

at the end everyone was chatting away in excitement at the same time, 64 creaking boxes.

Hatred, midlife and corona couldn't slow us down in the end.

Four generations united without prejudice.

.

No access for homosexuals

But with joy comes fear, of course.

Fear of losing what one has achieved.

Fear that this loss will now be even more serious than before.

Fear of aging much too quickly now.

Fear that the Obama era could only turn out to be progress for us, which will soon be followed by the

.

Judge Kennedy is retired, his Supreme Court colleague Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who had also voted for "same-sex marriage", died in September.

In their place is now, thanks to Trump and the Republican, Amy Coney Barrett, who defined marriage as "man and woman" and sent their children to a private school where homosexual parents and teachers were denied access.

It's up to you, but leave me alone with it.

Even the Pope gets the curve.

Republicans want nothing more than to scale back our rights.

Lawsuits have long been fed into the courts to reach the Supreme Court when Barrett has cemented the new Conservative 6: 3 majority.

The conservative judges Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas have already indicated this: The

, they thundered now, has been "undemocratic" legalized and restricts the "religious freedom" of those who disapproved of it.

Say: The freedom of bigots to discriminate against us is more important than our freedom to live and love.

In any case, on the evening when Barrett was sworn in with great pomp, we sat at home in front of the television, living, loving and free.

Icon: The mirror