Resilience: How we strengthen our psyche and overcome crises

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René Träder: "People who are more resilient tend to act faster"

Photo: Jessi Geib

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[00:00:02]

René Träder

So what I would recommend to everyone is to be aware of it: What is my crisis competence?

[00:00:11]

Lenne Kaffka

We all have ideas for a better life - but how do we implement them in everyday life?

In this podcast we meet people every week who tell us how it can work.

Welcome to "Living Smarter".

I'm Lenne Kaffka and this time I'm talking to René Träder.

[00:00:29]

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[00:01:01]

René Träder

Hi, I'm René Träder, I'm a journalist and psychologist, and in this colorful professional field I actually do a lot of different things.

I'm also a podcaster - I'm talking about mindfulness and resilience.

I've written a book on resilience and I give workshops on stress management, mindfulness, resilience and creativity development.

[00:01:21]

Lenne Kaffka

Why is it that some people cope much better with stress or blows of fate than others?

It could be due to their resilience, i.e. their ability to survive elementary crises well psychologically.

The nice thing is that resilience can be trained.

But of course that doesn't happen overnight.

And how resilient we are also depends on many factors.

Above all, it is important that we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, says René - even if a lot is not our responsibility.

How we get a new look at our life and why it is still okay to be sad, angry or exhausted in the corona crisis, he explained in this episode.

[00:01:58] René, it's nice that you have time.

Today we talk about resilience and most of the time this is somehow translated as psychological resilience.

I have now seen in your book that you are talking about the immune system of the psyche.

Why?

[00:02:12]

René Träder

Yes, because it's just a bit more visual.

We all know the body's immune system.

That is attacked by viruses and bacteria.

And we all have an idea that we have to do something to be healthy.

And that's exactly how it is with our psyche.

It is attacked by stress, i.e. by everyday stress, quite banal, but also by things like problems, major crises or even strokes of fate, i.e. very big cuts in our lives.

And just as you ask yourself about the physical immune system, what can I do to keep me healthy, you can also ask yourself about the psyche.

So what is “Apple a Day”, so to speak, so that I feel good, so that I can deal better with stress and so that I can cope well with the negative things in life - and therefore the immune system of the psyche.

[00:02:55]

Lenne Kaffka

We can easily strengthen our immune system, you've already indicated.

You kind of go jogging, maybe fruit and vegetables, and get some fresh air.

What can I do for the immune system of my psyche?

[00:03:06]

René Träder

Yes, that's a really big question.

It sounds so simple at first, but there are, so to speak, not just the three tools and then everything is fine.

And that's a good thing, and right, that it's a little more complicated.

Because I don't want it to sound so shortened.

Because sometimes this is also the objection of people who say: "Yes, but I'm not feeling well and if you come now and say, 'Take a walk in the fresh air and into the forest," then it will help me Not anymore, because I have so many problems in life, then it's too banal for me and not suitable for my life «.

And I think everyone can look for themselves first: How am I actually?

What about problems in my life?

Do I deal with stress and all of these things?

And to make such a comparison for yourself first.

What I would recommend to everyone is to become aware of: What is my crisis competence?

Then just to see what am I missing or what can I do?

And then you can just look at the various building blocks that came out at some point in psychology, through various research results and which basically also take place in therapies.

So people who do psychotherapy are actually also strengthened in their resilience.

How do you look at problems?

How do you deal with problems?

Go into activity, go into action and not just think about your problem.

And then you can do something.

But I definitely don't want to give that impression, you just have to do a little thing and then everything is fine.

I think it starts with little things.

And then you can always do more and watch: What do I need to be fine?

[00:04:30]

Lenne Kaffka

Now you are already saying that these are building blocks that would also be approached classically in therapy.

Is resilience then again a kind of trend term?

[00:04:37]

René Träder

Yes, I wouldn't say that.

Fall is not a trend phenomenon, because people have always had problems and crises.

And we can go into the earliest records of mankind, what we have known since he began giving scriptures and people have always wondered how one can have a good life?

And today we have a technical term that actually comes from physics and means something like jumping off or bouncing off - in other words, the stress, the problems should bounce off us and not destroy us, not destroy us.

And I think that's very important for all of us.

And that's why I don't think it's a trending term.

If anything, then it is something that we have now put a closer look at and where, I believe, we have become so aware again this year that these are important issues.

Because we have all had the experience that if life suddenly changes overnight and there are also a lot of incisions, that can be a burden, that it can make you sad, that it can make you hopeless;

that it also changes social relationships, that maybe unemployment and so on suddenly come too.

And there's always the question: How do I damn well deal with it?

How can I have a good life despite or with everything?

And that is actually the basic question of resilience.

So I don't see a trend there, but if at all - and then I am happy if it is a trend - when everyone is suddenly talking about it and everyone says: “Hey, I know I have to do something for my resilience «.

And of course we can have this attitude until the end of our lives: "How stupid that it is so difficult for me".

But the constructive attitude is to ask yourself: What can I actually do to make me feel at least a little better?

[00:06:06]

Lenne Kaffka

And you already said that there are various factors that have an influence on resilience.

And if you google it quickly on the Internet, you immediately come across “seven pillars of resilience”, “nine pillars of resilience” - you're talking about eight building blocks.

How do these differences come about?

Hasn't that been researched somehow?

[00:06:22]

René Träder

Yes, that's funny.

Even when I started to write this book and asked myself how many resilience factors there are, I think I read in some blog article: "The 21 factors".

So I thought to myself: "Oh dear, what is that now?" And what I've done is I've read through everything - well, I've read through a lot of blog articles, a lot of books - and looked at posts and I wrote down all the terms and took a look, don't they actually mean the same thing?

And an example: In my book I speak of self-efficacy.

That's actually a cooler term for self-confidence.

We all want to be somehow confident and go through life courageously.

This is often what we describe as self-confidence or self-confidence.

And self-efficacy means that I can change something outside of myself.

So I am effective and I am effective through my knowledge and my ability.

And in some articles this is simply referred to as a control belief.

And so you get to the fact that at some point there are 21 or 573.5 factors that should be.

I think the only thing that matters is: What is this factor?

What do you mean with that?

And also, what kind of specific call to action is hidden in it?

What can I do with it now?

[00:07:34]

Lenne Kaffka

Of course, we cannot go into all the building blocks now.

Nevertheless, I would at least want to mention it briefly, in case people haven't dealt with it yet.

So for you this includes: assuming responsibility, acceptance, future orientation, solution orientation, network orientation, optimism, self-efficacy and relaxation.

Somehow it's all connected again.

And if I look at it like that, I would say that such a resilient person is perhaps such an optimistic, self-reliant, self-confident, relaxed guy?

[00:08:03]

René Träder

Yes, you described that nicely.

So that's, so to speak, the whole package.

Or you could go ahead and say, “Hey, I'm not feeling well right now.

And what can i do?

What building block could help me now? ”So it's not like that: Are you resilient, yes or no?

You can think of it more like a centimeter ruler.

How much resilience do I have?

And first of all, you can be proud of the resilience you already have and then use it.

And then you can look at the additional factors and see: Can that help me?

And if we just take a look at research, then we see people who are more resilient, who tend to act faster, act more courageously, also decide something - not just going through everything in their minds, not so negatively to think.

They often have a network that they feel strengthened in.

And above all - and that seems to be the most important thing to me, which is why it is the first building block - the assumption of responsibility, so that these people say: “Okay, bad things have happened to me and I cannot take responsibility for them.

Maybe other people are to blame for that too «.

Especially when you think of childhood or youth or even in adulthood, it can be that people did things to you.

"But I can always take responsibility for my here and now and for my future, for my happiness, for my satisfaction, for the things that are important to me, for my goals and so on." And that is what, so to speak I would recommend everyone to get out of this victim attitude very quickly and not to say: "Yes, because I had such a childhood" or "because I have such a boss" or "I have a boss" or "because it happened to me" , "Because I have this disease".

Yes, there is a lot of crap going on in our lives.

Somehow that's part of it.

The only question is: what can I somehow do despite everything?

And there this assumption of responsibility belongs in, because it is so strong, because it allows us to become active.

In the book I summarized it in one sentence and said: "The victim attitude is actually what Kryptonite is to Superman, namely it weakens us insanely."

When we go into the victim position, we do not become active.

We don't think about solutions, we feel like victims and say: "Yes, if that hadn't happened to me, if the other people weren't so stupid, if the system wasn't so stupid - then I could be happy".

[00:10:05]

Lenne Kaffka

So assuming responsibility is something like the basic building block for resilience - could you put it that way?

[00:10:09]

René Träder

From my point of view,

yes

.

So, that's not the factor in every blog article or book.

But that was something that I experienced again and again for myself when writing and also in discussions with coaching clients, through workshops.

As long as you don't take on this responsibility for being here and now or for the problems, you simply remain passive and you do nothing.

And then you can't have any positive experiences.

It is more difficult to get out of the crisis.

[00:10:36]

Lenne Kaffka In

your book you really say: »Don't be a victim!« And when I somehow think of such small crises or maybe a stupid stressful day or something, I mean, we take it quietly my day today: I woke up at 4 a.m. today, I realized at some point that I didn't take a lunch break at all.

Then I accidentally wrecked my phone.

When I read like this: »Don't be a victim«, I think: »Yes, okay, Lenne, take care of yourself, take a break« or something.

But when I think of a real crisis, perhaps a stroke of fate, doesn't that sound almost cynical when you say don't be a victim?

[00:11:08]

René Träder

It always sounds cynical.

When you just said it, I also thought: "Oh God, why did I write such nonsense?" Everyone feels immediately attacked if you say that way, don't be a victim.

Well, it's just one sentence out of - I haven't counted how - many sentences in the book.

And I think you always have to see it in context, otherwise it feels really stupid when you hear it like that.

And let's say something really crazy: When you suddenly have a fatal illness or when a loved one has been torn from your life by you.

Or you have a car accident and suddenly your leg is off or something.

And then of course you can't say, don't be a victim.

This is of course bullshit, of course!

But it's still about, everything can be sad, everything is sad.

That changes life.

That is perfectly clear - it is not even questioned.

The only question is: Okay, what do I do now?

How do I sort of deal with the rest of my life?

And: Don't be in the victim position!

Keep trying to ask yourself: How can I somehow integrate this event into my life?

How can I fill what fate brings to me, so to speak, with meaning?

There is a fantastic book called "Saying Yes to Life Still".

Viktor Frankl wrote it and he was in a concentration camp.

And that is one of the worst life experiences you can imagine.

I only know that from history lessons and from books and documentaries.

But he lost his whole family in the concentration camp, his wife, his parents.

And then one day he gets out of the concentration camp and is back in life and has to integrate everything he has lost into his life, so to speak.

What he has done is, he has developed a form of therapy that deals with the preoccupation with meaning.

And he did a lot of research on how can I integrate the negative meaningfully into my life?

And of course that is not a snap of the fingers overnight, but it is a constant confrontation with it.

And then maybe you can tell someone that too.

And if you practically don't want this sentence, don't be a victim, then maybe I would rewrite it.

If you had just one sentence in the book, then I would say: Be the designer of your life!

[00:13:05]

Lenne Kaffka

And I think you have to be

admitted

: I think you have an amazing life behind you yourself.

Today you are a radio presenter, podcaster, give lectures - and as a teenager you had problems with your voice and language.

Why do you think you have chosen such professions with such a background?

[00:13:22]

René Träder

Well, I already had problems speaking in kindergarten because I was often sick.

And then I didn't hear right.

I still remember my mother often holding her small, ticking clock to my ear, left and right, to hear whether I could hear well.

And if you don't hear well, then you don't learn to speak so well either.

And then I actually went to a special kindergarten for a year in kindergarten, where we did speaking exercises.

And as a teenager I even had a singing exemption because my voice kept slipping away.

And I was shy anyway and well, blah.

Then why am I doing such a job?

Well, maybe precisely because I somehow noticed that when you're working on it, you can change something.

And I loved listening to the radio.

I loved listening to people who can somehow speak beautifully and who take me into strange worlds.

And there is from Alfred Adler, also a psychologist, the theory of inferiority, which actually drives us to achieve great results.

And he says we all have a sense of inferiority in us somehow.

It goes even further, is a difficult theory: the inferiority of organs, for example, poor hearing, also affects our psyche.

That changes our togetherness, our thinking too.

And from such an inferiority, from such a feeling of not being good enough at any point or not being right, a lot of strength and motivation can develop to create something in life.

And maybe that happened a bit at this point.

And I wouldn't say that I have such a blatant life because I haven't actually experienced really bad things.

That is just how it started.

I think there are people who have really experienced amazing things, which ...

[00:14:51]

Lenne Kaffka

I didn't say "crass", I said I think you have an amazing life.

Well, I think it's quite an achievement, even if you had a problem with something, then choose such a path.

Of course you can just kind of hide, withdraw.

[00:15:04]

René Träder

Sure.

I agree.

I think we all have problems and that's all part of life.

I think each of us can do things.

It happened to me when I wrote the book that I sometimes thought: Do I even have the right to write a book like this?

I wasn't paralyzed after a riding accident and then suddenly started dancing after the therapy and now write a book and say: "Oh, this is how you overcome the trauma" or something.

But I'm just a psychologist who tries to bring a theory to life and make it application-oriented in a book and just looks: What kind of crises have I had, what kind of problems have I had in my life?

And how can that help?

[00:15:41]

Lenne Kaffka

But you don't always have to have experienced the worst crisis to perceive something as a crisis, do you?

[00:15:45]

René Träder

Absolutely.

And that's also a recommendation, which I also give people in the book, that you shouldn't compare yourself to your crises.

And I often hear that from people who say, “Oh René, I'm not fine.

I'm considering going to a therapist, but I'm not that bad yet.

There are people who are much worse off «.

Then I always say: »No, if you think about it and you quarrel with yourself and say,› I have issues in my life that are difficult for me at the moment ‹or› I would like professional help ‹, then that's it right time for it.

And don't compare yourself to your problems «.

Each of our problems may then also be appreciated.

[00:16:20]

Lenne Kaffka

I hope I describe it correctly, but I would say that in your late twenties you slipped into a kind of crisis of meaning again.

You were no longer happy in your job as a radio host and you quit, decided to study psychology again when you were thirty.

With that you have actively made a decision for your life and have taken on some responsibility for your life.

What helped you back then and gave you strength for it?

[00:16:42]

René Träder

I think I had this classic, inner resignation.

I worked in the radio for almost ten years and did everything that could be done.

That was a great job too and I had great experiences.

But the question was, “Oh God, what do I do now until 67?

Until then, I still have to work.

What else can I do? ”And I've always noticed that as a journalist you know a lot because you deal with all the topics every day.

But you often don't get into that depth because you're very broad.

And I always found it very exciting to see what happens in such an editorial team, when new people come and new bosses come.

What kind of conflicts come suddenly?

One often has the feeling that conflicts are not taken up well, but are often kept small.

And I've read a lot of books about it.

And then I thought to myself, maybe I should learn that professionally one day.

And then it took me a year before I was given notice.

That is always said so quickly.

And then at some point I actually decided to apply to the universities, here in Berlin, for psychology and then opened the mailbox every day and thought to myself, now finally the decision will come.

And one day this letter was in there.

I have a place at the Humboldt University and I thought to myself: "But I can't quit, can I ?!"

[00:17:53]

Lenne Kaffka

The next crisis [laughs].

[00:17:54]

René Träder

Yes, the next crisis.

Exactly, if a door suddenly opens, then also such a crisis situation.

And that was really exciting.

Because many of my colleagues have also said to me: “What you're doing now is so great.

Now you've quit, now you're going to college.

And I would like to do that too.

I do not trust myself".

My parents said: “Please stay on the station as long as you can.

You can't just quit a permanent job.

You can still go to college if you get fired or something «.

That was my parents' security thinking, so to speak.

And I am so happy for this decision.

And you are absolutely right when you introduced it: In retrospect, that was perhaps the biggest and most important decision for me to give up something that was actually very good for something completely new, something completely unknown.

And then I thought I was going to throw away the radio.

And today I just know: What you've already done, what you've learned, you take with you to the next one.

And that's why I'm doing a podcast today and that's why I'm giving lectures and workshops today.

And that has helped me move forward overall.

And this inner resignation, the year was terrible.

But today I'm so grateful for it because I simply understand other people in coaching who are also in this situation.

Or I just know: Without this inner resignation, if I had always been fine at my job, I would never have studied psychology and would never have given my career a new chance.

And so this negative is also part of my life and has brought something positive.

[00:19:17]

Lenne Kaffka

Well, the crisis was also a driving force for you, but also because you looked closely.

Do you think that these crises made you somehow more resilient?

[00:19:25]

René Träder

Yes, but that's actually the case for all of us.

If we somehow deal constructively with these crises and come out positively, then we actually get strength from the crisis.

I think everyone knows this simple formula.

If you have mastered something at some point, then of course that strengthens the awareness again, what are my strategies?

How do I deal with it?

Like an actor who goes on stage: the first time he played the piece, the fifth time he plays the piece.

And after two years, when he's played the piece, he's in it and he knows for sure, now I'll do it, now I'll do it. And that's how it is, I believe, even in crises.

The more often we really consciously get involved in crises and say that I try to approach them constructively and in a solution-oriented manner, the fewer crises will come into our lives because we can deal with them relatively early on.

Strange things will always happen.

[00:20:15]

Lenne Kaffka

But that sounds a bit as if you need negative experiences to develop resilience.

Or does it work without it?

[00:20:21]

René Träder

Yes, I would say it works without it.

So there are three sources of resilience from which resilience feeds.

One is our genes, such as how quickly our amygdala starts in the brain.

That's the part that is responsible for fear.

And if you experience something now, it starts differently early or late with you than with me.

And of course the sooner it starts, the harder it is to be optimistic because I feel fear more often in my life.

New situations frighten me more often.

Or the other way round: Those who tend to think positively due to their genetic predisposition have a little more resilience.

But there isn't much we can do about it.

Then the second source of resilience: These are our early childhood experiences.

You can't do that much there either.

Which family did you grow up in?

What did you experience there?

Did you also experience traumatic things there?

Many people experience physical violence or sexual violence in their childhood.

And if you have already experienced that the limits have been exceeded and that you were not heard as a child, then of course that can first weaken resilience.

And the third thing is confronting myself when I grow up and consciously work on it: What do I do now?

Who am I actually?

What is important to me

Who can help me?

How can I help myself?

And that's so important.

But also childhood in a positive sense.

I have always given this negative example.

But you can also grow up in families, where you are strengthened, where you are allowed to be who you are, where you are supported, where it is okay to talk about emotions.

Where you also experience that the parents at the dinner table not only talk about the negative and vomit, about work or customers or something, but that you experience the parents how they solve problems.

And that can also strengthen my resilience as a child, because this model is there.

Oh look, problems are not bad at all.

Problems can be solved and good solutions can possibly be found.

[00:22:11]

Lenne Kaffka

That’s such a core that one simply experiences that things can be solved, that crises pass.

So either in a negative sense, I've lived it myself or I have positive role models.

[00:22:21]

René Träder

Exactly, that is so important.

[00:22:23]

Lenne Kaffka

You say now, for example, that you are the designer of your life.

I don't know which label I would attach myself to now.

How do I even find out how resilient I am?

I don't think it was today.

[00:22:34]

René Träder

Well, that might be a good step if you state for yourself today: "Well, man, somehow I didn't manage things so well today."

And then just go into reflection and ask: why not?

So why maybe didn't I say no even though I had the impulse?

Why did I say "yes" to someone?

Or why didn't I take my lunch break right?

I think we can all shape our lives.

We are also creators of our life.

But sometimes we make it negative too, right?

So, we do things that we actually know about that do not help to resolve the conflict, but only make things worse.

Well, we shape our life every day and the challenge is actually: Design it in a way that you really like it, that it is good for you.

And of course I would say: We don't have 100 percent leeway.

If I go out to the supermarket right away, it can of course happen that a car hits me.

I don't have that in my hand until the end.

But I would argue that we take as much creative freedom as possible and keep asking ourselves: Can't I change something about my situation?

What can I do about it now?

What leeway do I have?

And most of the time we notice that we have more creative freedom than we first think if we just sit there and say: "That was a shitty day now."

And of course I also have stress.

So resilience is not a promise that everything will always go smoothly and that you will only go through the world smiling.

The negative is part of it.

And I am, for example, currently - we are on the phone or we are talking to each other - while I am doing a weekly workshop, a one-week online workshop with a team.

And it's incredibly exhausting and yesterday I noticed that my neck hurts because I've been sitting in front of the screen all day.

And so many people who also have different needs.

And then I just went out two hours later, walked through the drizzling Berlin, because I just knew I couldn't prepare well for the next day.

I just need a break now.

And then to take it, even if you think I should actually prepare for the next day.

But what good is it for me to prepare something when my energy is actually gone?

[00:24:33]

Lenne Kaffka

If we now think about the big

picture

: If I really want to become resilient in the long term, do I really have to tackle all eight building blocks?

Or is it enough if I take a look at one or two, because eight building blocks already seem relatively daunting to me.

[00:24:45]

René Träder

Well, if we take up the example again with the immune system of the psyche.

Would you say, do I really have to eat all kinds of vegetables to be physically healthy?

Isn't that enough if I eat an apple every day?

And that's how I think you can imagine it with the psyche and not see it as bad work at all.

Because a bell pepper is delicious, broccoli is delicious, currants are delicious.

So you don't have to see it as bad work, but actually rather as an enrichment, getting to know yourself better and going through life strengthened.

Nevertheless, I would perhaps say: Yes, start with a building block that appealed to you in particular, that interests you, and then see what changes as a result, because they also stimulate each other.

So, the ability to have relationships is a building block and optimism, like that, and if you now think more negatively, for example, then it usually leads to the fact that you don't have that many new social contacts because you think: »The people who annoy and maybe they don't do me all that good and I prefer to sit at home «.

But when you start to think more optimistically, you are just more open, happier.

People come up to you, you approach people.

That means your social network will also strengthen at this point.

That means you can just start with optimism and do something about it - or vice versa.

If you say: Hey, I'll go out actively to strengthen my social network.

Then you meet people, then you talk to them.

They might also help you with something.

And suddenly this also changes your optimism, because you notice: “Hey, you see, it's not all that difficult.

I've also had great experiences now «.

But I would always recommend, so to speak, to go out curiously and playfully and not see that as hard work in the sense, because otherwise you won't do it.

For example, if you say: "I have to jog now" or "I have to go to the gym for an hour every day to get great muscles" - you won't do that.

It has to be fun and it has to be fun somehow.

[00:26:38]

Lenne Kaffka

It is probably the case that when you move a building block a bit, the whole thing shifts too.

And maybe you feel like the next one, or something.

[00:26:45]

René Träder

Yes, exactly.

[00:26:46]

Lenne Kaffka

Let's stay calm with optimism - there is a crisis that affects us all in particular: the corona pandemic.

And of course it is very different for everyone.

How easy it is for you to stay optimistic.

[00:26:58]

René Träder

Oh you, it's very different.

Well, I'm a completely normal person - even if you've written a book like this and dealt with it for two years.

[00:27:05]

Lenne Kaffka It's

definitely a good time.

[00:27:06]

René Träder

Yes, then I'm just as stressful and in a bad mood and I'm angry or sad.

I have all the emotions of the rainbow, just like you.

And it is the same with Corona.

And it's actually quite funny because I've always received so many inquiries in advance, before Corona: "Couldn't you do an online workshop for us? Then you don't have to come to Munich or Hamburg".

And I always said: "Ah, no, I don't want to do online workshops".

And now, so to speak, the pressure of fate has forced me to deal with the tools and techniques a little.

And now I'm really fascinated by how beautiful it can be.

My great concern has always been that you don't build a relationship with the participants online on the screen if you just see each other.

But it works wonderfully and I am basically very grateful that I was able to have this experience for myself under this pressure and that I also have positive experiences.

Nevertheless, I am also happy again when face-to-face workshops are possible.

So my life has changed too.

And when I look at the news or see the latest numbers or something, I have thoughts and emotions about it.

I think I'm just like everyone else: This corona pandemic or these security measures that are being taken and which are also so unclear - we don't even know what January actually looks like, what is next April, how is 2025, who knows that today - and of course that changes something, with me as with everyone, I think.

[00:28:31]

Lenne Kaffka

If I were to translate that a bit into your building blocks, then I would say you accept the situation, you tend to focus on the opportunities, yes too, so try to see the positive.

You somehow still think about being built into networks.

[00:28:44]

René Träder

Yes, and also no on days and moments.

We wanted to go on vacation this year.

And I think we rebooked it twice, once it was supposed to go to Belgium, then suddenly it was a hotspot and didn't work and then something else suddenly didn't work either.

Then you are already frustrated and think: Now we have already booked the tickets and the accommodations and we should start next week.

what are we going to do now?

These are such little banalities.

Or even when I look at the professional situation, it just worries me to see: How are my friends or how are my neighbors?

How are the people who may be really bad, who have now lost their jobs?

That doesn't leave me cold either and I can see that too.

And also in the media I notice blows of fate that people have and that worries me a lot.

Or, for example, I am very concerned about the way our society is currently splitting into - there are hard words - some are the "sleeping sheep", the other are the "corona deniers" or "critics «Or whatever, or conspiracy theorists.

And how hostile communication with each other has often become and that we cannot find a common language in this unclear situation - that also worries me very much.

If I accidentally get lost in a comment column or read what people are typing on Twitter or Facebook.

Then I think to myself, “Wow, that's crazy.

That is actually not good for us as a society «.

And even if Corona is under control at some point, what is actually left of us?

And one can also ask: How resilient is a society?

In other words, a society that can't stand a wide variety of opinions and positions, in an unclear situation, just to discuss and endure - that is of course totally difficult when all sides attack each other and defame other people in some way and push away and say: "I don't even want to hear what you're thinking".

And I think that's not good for a society either, and that worries me too.

[00:30:32]

Lenne Kaffka

Yes, even if I look at myself like that: A few days ago, the first thing I did in the morning was my wife's room and the first thing I said was: "Wow, I just got real no longer in the mood for the phase. Well, I didn't say good morning at all - maybe wasn't that super smart - but I was up before her and had already heard the news and it was the next action again and it was just kind of, the numbers were up again and my mood was just in the basement, right at the start of the day. But then we just talked about it directly and just both noticed that it just makes us both kind of sad, that we are always having to discard plans again, just as you describe it. Isn't it healthy right now, just to allow something like that and maybe not always try desperately to be strong and just allow crisis?

[00:31:14]

René Träder

Yes, that is a nice observation that you are describing right now, because I also believe that this can actually be the great chance of Corona, that we have all experienced what it is like to reach the end of one's tether or to be confronted with negative things.

And that the psyche does not have endless power, so to speak, and that it is suddenly okay to talk about it.

And that colleagues in the team and neighbors talk about it and say: “Hey, I'm not feeling well right now.

That gnaws at me «or» I need a little distance, I need a break «.

And psychological stresses of this kind were often just so secret, you shouldn't say that you might be mentally weakened.

You always have to function, you always have to act correctly and so on.

I believe that this is a great opportunity that it is suddenly possible to talk about mental health due to Corona and that mental health is also being consciously addressed by many people.

And I hope that it stays in any case, even if Corona is gone at some point, that we have seen that mental health is also something that we have to actively promote.

Everyone, but also companies, must ensure that their employees can work well and healthily.

[00:32:23]

Lenne Kaffka

What I always ask myself a little at the moment is whether it is not much easier to see positive aspects or to see opportunities when you are in a privileged position is?

When I think back to my summer now, I have already felt something like normality again.

Well, I had the job.

I always did interviews.

I was crouching outside with friends.

But I also know people who have actually not gotten out of this shutdown situation since March.

What is important for you to really survive this ongoing lack of normality?

[00:32:56]

René Träder

Yes, we are all experiencing it very differently at the

moment

and that too is something very interesting and important.

So Corona is always referred to as a crisis.

I would call it a stroke of fate, because strokes of fate suddenly burst into our lives and change a lot and often confront us with very fundamental issues in life, for example security or death, fear of death, fear of illness.

And that's exactly what Corona does.

And when we really heard about Corona for the first time in March, many people had a very direct fear of death, a great worry.

And there too - we talked about it earlier, what actually sounds cynical?

Even if you say: "Oh, it's great, we've all baked bread, made jam and isn't it nice to talk to each other about Zoom ?!" No, there are also people who have only had negative experiences .

They are completely lonely in their own home.

They lost their jobs, they have financial problems.

It is really difficult to give such general advice because that too often sounds cynical and does not fit their situation.

I think the only thing that can be recommended is: »Take the time and energy to look at this and see exactly what does it do to you?

And which old monsters might also be activated again? «Corona has had a reinforcing function in many places, including in relationships.

When couples quarrel because they squat a lot, they don't quarrel because they squat a lot, but because here and there they may have topics that they have not yet worked on well or have a communication style that may be problematic.

And rather to look at it and not to curse Corona itself, but to look at yourself: What do I actually want?

What is important to me and what can I do about it?

It's so incredibly easy to say.

And when I hear myself talking, then I think to myself yes, but when you're in that situation, it's really difficult to implement.

But I think you have to start somewhere and at some point you have to decide for yourself: “Hey, I'm the designer of my life and things have turned out completely differently than I would like.

But now I somehow have to see how I deal with this stroke of fate «.

And I've talked to some people who have had cancer and who say, “Now other people can understand how I'm doing.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, "people say," everything changed for me overnight.

And then many people said to me: 'Hey, it'll be fine, everything will be fine.

Are you doing chemotherapy and look, you're feeling better '".

And people said: "No, I didn't feel that at the moment and I wasn't feeling well."

And this lack of empathy has often hurt them even more that they say: »I just would have liked people to say: 'Hey, okay, you're not doing well right now.

And so it is<".

But we also know from research: There is not only post-traumatic stress, there is also post-traumatic maturation, that's what it means. So when we have experienced negative things, we can emerge matured from them.

And someone who has now plunged into a very big crisis himself - then it's actually very exciting if we talk to this person again in five years or ten years and then ask him and say: »Looking back, what do you have learned for you?

About you, about your life, about the market?

And how did you come out stronger? "

[00:36:03]

Lenne Kaffka

Do you think that the current crisis will help many people to deal with other crises a little better in the future?

[00:36:12]

René Träder

So when we just take the bus or the subway, we see a lot of different people.

And we see people where we just have to look and we see, they are fine, I don't think so, they have become homeless or they have other bad strokes of fate.

And we see other people who are fine.

And what I'm really just trying to say is: We all have crises in our lives and whether we end up getting around somehow good or halfway good or not - that always depends very much on us, on the network where we are, also on what we have already learned.

Do we get support, do we get support, are we offered support?

And nobody who slips, so to speak, is somehow to blame.

I think that's very important to say again, but it is often due to so many factors that we are not all in control.

Someone who has become homeless - there are so many reasons why they have become homeless.

And you can't just go there and say: "Hey, be the designer of your life and look for an apartment", there are just so many reasons.

And that's really sad.

And the only thing we can do to deal well with a crisis is to breathe in this mindset for us as much as possible, very deeply, and say: »I want to have a good life, no matter what has happened to me or will happen to me.

Somehow I always want to be active and act in the framework that is possible for me and look for support and also have good people around me who are good for me and who ensure that I have a good life «.

And I think that is, so to speak, the only thing where we have the adjusting screw, namely our conviction and then something to do - and then to emerge from the crisis positively.

[00:37:57]

Lenne Kaffka

René Träder gives more information on today's topic in his book with the beautiful title »Life like this: no !, I like this: yes!

How to deal better with stress, crises and blows of fate «.

As always, the link is in the show notes for this episode.

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