How to make your own airplane food at home?
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(CNN) -
"Crap a mile up."
"Breakfast abominations".
"You can barely swallow it."
This is what the critics that appear in the review of the worst airplane meals in 2019 of the British consumer magazine Which?
Making fun of kitchen mistakes served up high is a universal joke.
Theories about his inferiority abound.
Meals are prepared in industrial kitchens near the airport.
They are half immersed in liquid (giving them a vague chance of retaining moisture) and half frozen, before quickly heating them imperfect at 35,000 feet elevation.
Spices and seasonings are added miserably to appeal to easy-to-offend palates.
The pressure of the cabin reduces the passenger's sense of smell and therefore pleasure, as does the roar of the aircraft's engines.
All these theories are valid.
But almost two years after the covid-19 pandemic during which air travel has become a rare commodity, are we beginning to appreciate what we had?
In fact, have we started to miss the much-maligned airline food?
From cold fried chicken to beluga caviar
(A Pan American World Airways flight attendant prepares food in an airplane kitchen, circa 1950. Credit: Archive Photos / Getty Images).
Eating in the clouds was a very simple thing at one time.
Richard Foss, culinary historian and author of "Food in the Air and Space: The Surprising History of Food and Drink in the Skies," says that when commercial flights took off in the 1920s, passengers used to settle for sandwiches, salads and maybe a piece of cold fried chicken.
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"The planes didn't have kitchens," explains Foss, "so the only thing that could be served was a picnic lunch at room temperature, with drinks from a thermos."
These are the new rules for flying to the US 4:41
It was in airships, such as the LZ 127 Graf Zeppelin, that the first gastronomic flight meal arrived.
A lunch menu from May 30, 1930, casually featured beluga caviar on toast, followed by braised veal with fresh vegetables and creamed potatoes, presented on the finest crockery, of course.
(There was also a man in charge of limiting the rise and fall of the bow of the airship, in case the wine bottles were overturned on the tables).
This unusual extravagance soon found its way to other forms of floating transportation: Pan Am's "Clipper" flying boats roasted whole pieces of beef in the air, before serving them to passengers in a private dining room.
So where did it all go wrong?
Pan Am: the pioneering airline that changed international travel
The laughing stock
(Even the most sophisticated foods have their limitations once they are above the clouds. Credit: Jeff Greenberg / Universal Images Group Editorial / Getty Images)
"If you see the commercials ... seven chefs cutting a Wellington steak. Then when you get on the plane, they give you a sick piece of chicken ... with the blackheads still in the pores!"
So used to say a sketch of the comedian Alan King.
In the 1950s, he was one of the first to notice the drawbacks of the kitchen on airplanes.
(King made so many jokes about airlines that it was not uncommon for them to sue him, which he then incorporated into his next act.)
The irony is that when King started this joke, airline food was on an upward trajectory.
It was a time when Northwest Orient Airlines built a pseudo-Japanese cocktail lounge on its "Stratocruiser" plane, filled with bonsai trees and calligraphy, and round shrimp on sticks held in fresh pinecones.
They did not offer anything of poor quality at all.
Even aboard the famous Hindenburg airship in the 1930s, with a menu so extravagant that it included an Indian swallow's nest soup followed by a sirloin steak with goose liver, many Americans complained that the dishes were too creamy and heavy.
Airline food has always had its detractors, and it always will.
That doesn't mean it's always stomach-churning porridge that will have you reaching for your vomit bag.
People who love airline food
(Even the fanciest foods have their limitations once they're through the roof.
Credit: James D. Morgan / Getty Images)
For many, high altitude cuisine is something to be savored.
Frequent flyer Nik Loukas is the creator of Inflight Feed, where he posts, tweets, and instagrams reviews and photos of his in-the-air meals, which have covered more than 150 airlines so far.
Their reviews may not be very positive (Loukas remembers with some disdain a "chicken burger dipped in sauce" from a particular Ukrainian airline), but they are often very positive.
Flight prices were objectively lowered in the mid-1970s, when deregulation allowed airlines to compete on price, but quality never quite disappeared.
And you don't have to be in business class to discover something worth eating.
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Loukas himself appreciates the offers of the “economy” class of Delta (which renewed its service in this class just before the arrival of the covid-19), Turkish Airlines ("inspired drinks and desserts") and Emirates ("tasty and Hearty including salads and fresh desserts ").
And the saucers themselves don't tell the whole story.
Says Loukas: "In the 'economy' class it is always interesting to see what the airlines offer ... the smallest details, such as the offer of hot towels, the printed menus or the bottled water, make a small difference in the experience" .
He is not the only one in his appreciation.
Just as you will find articles that pose the dangers of food on airplanes, there are many others that point in the direction of those who offer the best, from Turkish Airlines 'ground beef stuffed aubergines to Qatar Airways' mandarin cheesecake. .
Maybe that's why, last year, when flights were suspended around the world, some people continued to consume airline food despite everything.
Airline food served on land
Is it worth staying at home?
Credit: Jeff Greenberg / Universal Images Group Editorial / Getty Images
As the pandemic gained ground and it became clear that most of us weren't going to get on a Boeing anytime soon, airlines and their food providers were left with oversupplies.
Some improvised, selling a glut of spinach and pastrami quiches, Dutch stroopwafels and trays of cheese appetizers, to customers ashore.
Garuda Indonesia even put out the plastic tray and cutlery, which isn't exactly eco-friendly, but it sure creates an authentic experience (especially if you're sitting with two people from your house and watching three Disney movies in a row).
The Wall Street Journal called those who accepted the offer "crazy."
Perhaps it was a similar nostalgia that sparked an online rush to buy crockery, silverware, and even hot towels, when British Airways announced that it was selling a lot of its old inventory.
And while the efforts of Garuda Indonesia and company were reactive, the concept of airplane food served on the mainland is more lucrative than you might think.
AirAsia's Santan food brand is reportedly aiming to grow from 15 stores in Malaysia to a staggering 100 franchises worldwide.
The plan is to sell essentially the same recipes currently served in heaven, such as rendang, nasi goreng, and nasi lemak curry.
Santan's cooking is of a certain caliber, of course, and goes against that cardinal rule of "over-spicing" sauce.
But if he succeeds in this endeavor, what will stop other airline caterers from improving their game, branching out, and following in Santan's footsteps?
Order a Lufthansa
(Days of wine in a basket.
Credit: General Photographic Agency / Hulton Archive / Getty Images)
What has airline food done for us?
It is a distraction from the tedium of a long flight;
if you've decided to hate it, you can at least copy the author David Barry, and use it as "a form of inflight entertainment, in which the goal is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories like 'mineral' and 'linoleum'" .
It's actually often not that bad, as long as we don't expect a version of the Ritz on board a plane (even menus made by Michelin-starred chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Daniel Boulud have their limitations once they are above the norm. clouds).
More than anything, airplane food is the first taste of a new adventure.
Whether it's Lindbergh nibbling on sandwiches on the way to Paris;
a mid-century Cathay Pacific passenger enjoying a baked Alaska;
Or an unfortunate soul watching their burger melt into its own juices, this is the gastronomic gateway to much better and more captivating feasts that await once you've landed.
As covid-19 and climate change threaten a type of travel that has become second nature, some of us secretly (or not so secretly) yearn for the very things we rejected in "old times."
Depending on how things are going, 10 years from now we could all be on a vacation without leaving home, taking the family out for an Emirates, or having a snack and ordering a Lufthansa.
- Will Noble is editor of Londonist, a website dedicated to London. The Londonist Mapped and Londonist Drinks books are on sale now.
Food on flights