His fans' concerns turned out to be justified.
A few years ago, Joyce Jonathan's subscribers were alarmed by the singer's radical weight loss with each of her photos posted on social networks.
If at the time, she had denied having health problems and assured that she was comfortable in her skin, the 34-year-old artist today reveals a completely different truth.
“I had an eating disorder for ten years.
I have alternated between anorexia and bulimia and I am no longer ashamed to talk about it,” she admits in a video interview given to the media
Brut
and broadcast on Thursday January 25.
“I felt the outlook of others change”
It all started when she was 22, after she gained five kilos.
“It showed right away on my cheeks, and then I felt a little heavy,” she remembers.
“Then I had a romantic disappointment with a boy who only liked super thin girls and I associated it with that.
I said to myself: 'If I had been thin, maybe he would have really liked me.'
The event triggers her obsession with being thin and plunges her into a downward spiral of dieting.
First, she says she started using the Dukan method, and that it “disturbed her a lot”.
“We have the impression in his book that he is a spiritual guide.
There is a guru thing, where if you follow what he says to the letter, you lose weight super quickly in a magical way.
And it’s true, I lost weight in a month, I lost like ten kilos,” she continues.
A rapid and drastic physical transformation that restores her self-confidence, at least on the surface.
“I felt the outlook of others change, the outlook of men.
I received lots of compliments: "Ah, it suits you really well", "You look in good shape", "Oh, your face!"... Because obviously, my face was much thinner.
And I said to myself: 'The key to happiness is there, it is in being thin,'” she adds.
“It was eating away at my life”
Thomas Hollande's ex-partner then recounts her daily life plagued by extreme discipline.
“I was obsessed with weight, the numbers on the scale.
I made lists of what I ate.
I was very rarely in the present moment, especially at meal times.
I was aware that it was unbearable.
It was eating away at my life, really,” she confides, before citing an example of a recurring situation: “I organized myself to choose restaurants.
I called to find out the day's menu and to be sure that we would be able to remove the oil, the butter, change the toppings, so much so that it stressed me out.
I went to the kitchen, I was going to check that they weren't using any butter or oil.
It’s a level of madness... It’s OCD in fact.”
She reveals that her obsession even encroached on her professional career, before the eyes of her audience.
“I happened to do concerts after a binge and my heart was beating at 10,000 an hour.
I was like, “I’m going to fall to the ground.”
I managed to stay almost under hypnosis in my song to hold on and when I came off stage, I fell.
I wasn’t feeling well at all,” she recalls.
So much so that one day, after a crisis, the young woman found herself having funeral thoughts during a turbulent flight.
“I said to myself: 'Well, anyway, if the plane crashes, I won't need to go on a diet when I get back,'” she says.
And admitting: “It was a little sad to think that, but that’s how I felt.”
“I hated my body so much”
The “trigger” that finally saved her from her illness?
Maternity.
“I know it's not a way out, I don't want to say, 'Get pregnant and everything will be fine.'
But I hated my body so much.
I was disgusted with myself for ten years,” she admits, “and when I got pregnant, it was the first time I was happy to be gaining weight.
And then because I wanted to do good for the child growing inside me.”
I hated myself for ten years, and when I got pregnant, it was the first time I was happy about getting bigger
Joyce Jonathan in an interview with “Brut”
To “fight against [her] demon”, the singer-songwriter says she imposed “small challenges” on herself which “helped her heal”.
For example, she challenged herself to “no longer change the garnishes at the restaurant.”
The hardest ?
“Not making myself vomit was the biggest challenge, because I had the consequence of what the food was.
If I eat, I gain weight, and that’s how it is,” she confesses.
The interpreter of
I don't know
claims to have never spoken to anyone about her EDs, even to her closest friends, who are “discovering everything today” at the same time as the rest of her community.
“I never told myself it was an illness until I was cured of it.
Perhaps this is the path to healing.
It’s about accepting that you are sick,” she concludes.
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