Leading correctly: When fear gets out of hand

2020-10-23T09:34:21.617Z

What to do when employees can no longer get their fears under control? Supervisors need to know what warning signs are there - and react empathetically.

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Employees should not be left alone with fears

Photo: ILLUSTRATION: KATHERINE LAM

Ellen Hendriksen

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is a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) at Boston University.

She specializes in fear and authenticity.

As the author of the book "How to Be Yourself. Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety", she has made a name for herself as a speaker, podcaster and blogger.

Question:

How can I tell when fear is getting out of hand?

Hendriksen:

Fear gets out of control and runs amok, as it were, as soon as it has crossed the threshold of distress or restriction.

Under

Distress

we understand a highly negative form of stress, in which the usual coping strategies no longer work.

So far, you may have been able to manage your fears with yoga, your sense of humor, or a good dose of confidence.

But now nothing can keep the fear in check.

Restriction

in turn means that the fear spreads to all areas of life and affects you massively.

You may not be able to concentrate any longer and you will be lagging behind with your work.

Or you can no longer sleep or are so blown away that you can no longer really get involved with your children or your partner.

Question:

What should I look out for with my boss, colleagues or employees?

Hendriksen:

Problematic fears mainly show up in a person's world of thought and are therefore difficult to recognize from the outside.

However, there are some indications, including uncontrollable worry or irritability, an inability to focus or concentrate, and physical restlessness such as restless pacing or apparent nervousness.

In conversations or zoom meetings, it is often noticeable that those affected have a kind of tunnel vision: They may be hyper-focused on a certain concern, keep coming back to an item on the agenda, or cannot address other points of view.

Fear leads to an excessive need for control

In addition, problematic anxiety often leads to a reduced or increased need for control.

People with reduced control can appear apathetic but also disorganized.

Your behavior sometimes appears confused, inefficient and anything but goal-oriented, so that you may think: "What is he or she doing there?"

Either the person gives in to every spontaneous impulse, or they capitulate and turn their flag according to the wind.

Excessive control can be expressed through micromanagement, intransigence, excessive vigilance towards potential dangers, refusal to try new things or adapt, or insisting that there is only one way to do things.

In times of intense fear, these people rush into work and everything they can control - from financial plans to a detailed list of cans in the pantry.

But also keep in mind: an increased need for control is only a problem if it is overly stressing or otherwise impairing the person concerned or their environment.

Focusing on work is perfectly okay if it helps someone distract themselves from the crisis.

But when work becomes the only focus - especially when health or personal relationships are damaged - the line of unhealthy overcontrol is crossed.

Watch out for such signs in yourself as well.

Question:

At the moment almost everyone has a slightly increased level of anxiety or nervousness.

How do you distinguish this from more serious problems?

Hendriksen:

Basically the point is that the reaction is not disproportionate to the danger.

Before Covid-19, it would have been absolutely excessive to go shopping with gloves and a face mask.

Today everything is different.

A higher level of anxiety is expected and is also appropriate.

But the rule of disproportionate still applies: Anyone who refuses to go to the emergency room with a ruptured appendix, or who enters the supermarket in full diving gear, will probably not be considered very tight by the others.

Allow other people a lot of leeway, treat them with understanding and respect.

And if someone seems over-anxious, keep in mind that you may not know all of the connections.

Possibly his sister works as a frontline nurse.

Perhaps her husband has been fired and they both don't know how to pay off their mortgage.

Or an employee suffers from a pre-existing illness you do not know and belongs to the risk group.

So fear can be justified and appropriate.

Which one should definitely not say

Question:

What should one absolutely not say to colleagues and employees who appear anxious?

And what would be really helpful?

Hendriksen:

Beware of emergency tips like "Have you tried yoga?"

or "I've heard that lavender oil is said to work wonders".

Such advice is certainly well meant, but is perceived as derogatory: "Oh, I don't need to do more? What a fool am I!"

Worse still, advice like this creates a professional-amateur divide that is far from being on an equal footing.

Just as degrading and anything but helpful are trivializations such as "calm down", "that's no reason to be afraid" or "don't worry".

Many people are reluctant to offer help to colleagues they are not particularly close to.

Regardless of the relationship you have with someone, you can make them feel like you are taking their fears seriously: "It's perfectly understandable that we're all stressed right now" or "Believe me, it is right now." no one able to do a particularly good job ".

Or you reveal something of yourself that is appropriate to the situation: "At the moment I am having a hard time getting everything right" or "The worst thing for me is that you have no idea how it all will end".

Some fears are also hidden in what-if formulations: "What if I have to be in quarantine and can't work?"

or "What if my parents get sick?"

Be aware that this "what if" is purely rhetorical, but still ask for an answer, "That's a scary thought. What

would

you do then?"

Fear is heightened by insecurity, and developing a plan creates security, which in turn can alleviate fear.

It can be helpful and does not devalue your counterpart's fears if you help him or her to come up with something appropriate.

However, you should not give any advice yourself.

Avoid making comments like: "I'll tell you what helped my brother."

Act right in case of panic attacks

Question:

What can I do if I or a colleague has a panic attack?

Hendriksen:

Panic attacks are really terrible.

It may sound trite, but remind yourself (or your colleague) that it is a panic attack.

There is a great danger that you will completely sink into the feeling of dying, of having a heart attack or of having finally gone nuts.

Remind yourself or the other person that it's just a panic attack - and that every panic attack always stops at some point.

Providing help without compromising privacy

Question:

What to do if an employee's performance is suffering due to persistent anxiety?

How should managers and companies best react?

Hendriksen:

Supervisors are not allowed to request personal health information.

But they can address specific tasks or behaviors.

If deadlines are not met or projects are dangerously delayed, you can ask the employee for an interview.

Talk about it just as you would talk about a physical illness or injury.

Be attentive and open.

Avoiding the bush can feel embarrassing and backfire.

Say, "I just wanted to find out what was going on at the last deadline. I understand that this crisis poses major challenges for all of us. You don't have to do it alone. Let's talk about what we can do to help." To support you. "

Or: "I know it's been really stressful for a while and there's been a lot of uncertainty. It's not your way of ripping deadlines, so I just wanted to ask. You are such an important and valuable team member. We want to make sure that You have everything you need. "

The crisis is a good opportunity for you and your employees to take advantage of employer offers such as employee assistance or behavioral health programs.

Currently, many therapists offer video sessions on secure platforms.

It may be that privacy is not so easy to maintain for some of those affected because partners and children are within earshot.

Inventive people have therefore withdrawn into the car with their laptop for a therapy session or talk to their therapist on the phone on lonely walks.

Question:

How is it now that many of us work from home?

How can supervisors virtually sense the level of fear of their employees without appearing intrusive or violating someone's privacy?

Strategy Development Right Arrow

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And how do companies get from strategy to implementation?

How to find the optimal strategy for your company and make it fit for the future.

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Hendriksen:

Given the circumstances, it is perfectly okay to be a little more direct than usual. Without personal contact, it is of course more difficult to recognize signs of this.

Above all, be transparent.

Acknowledge that times are not easy for anyone.

Ask how they are really doing and how you could support them.

If your answer is "Everything is fine," don't just respond with "Very well!"

and mentally check off the topic.

Instead, show flexibility and openness: "If something changes, let me know, will you?"

or "I'm glad to hear that. I'll ask again in the coming weeks".

Anything that makes you a good person - sincerity, flexibility, genuine interest in others - also helps make you a good leader in these troubled times.

© HBP 2020

This article appeared in the October 2020 issue of Harvard Business manager.

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Source: spiegel

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