To hear them, the presidential candidates are all green.
There isn't a large-scale retailer that doesn't yet have its organic range.
Large groups take care of their green image.
Ecology is everywhere.
Including, more surprisingly, in the heart of couples.
“Since the Chernobyl cloud, the environmental question has become a global, very “macro” question, but at the same time it remains a very intimate question because it affects daily life, our way of living in relation to nature, animals.
In short, in the deep meaning of life”, analyzes Marie Donzel, social innovation consultant at AlterNego.
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At the start of her relationship, remembers Vanessa, a 43-year-old Rouennaise, she had big doubts.
“I didn't think I could stay with a man who was ordering from Amazon.
This came into conflict with my deep convictions,” she explains, both for the working conditions of the employees and for the carbon footprint or the model of a dehumanized society associated with it.
Over time, however, he ended up aligning himself with his positions.
“Probably to keep me, at least initially!” she jokes.
But today, the companion rides an electric bike, has stopped shopping online... and has given up on spreads made from palm oil, which causes deforestation.
Hélène, thirty, lived in the suburbs of Paris until the first confinement of March 2020, which she decided to spend with her lover. Together, they gradually decide to speed up their departure from Île-de-France, and settle in Nantes. In this eco-friendly land, the couple quickly put in place a series of daily measures, such as shopping in bulk, getting around by bike or making their own cosmetics. And they go there frankly! Main implication for them: “All our purchases are now considered. The computer and the tablets are bought refurbished, our clothes are second-hand, or I sew them myself. This year, I even made a cardboard Christmas tree, says Hélène. Our idea is not to go for the simplest, but to look for alternatives. For example,we are not against being delivered from time to time, but we do it with a cooperative of bicycle delivery people who have chosen their method of remuneration, and not with Uber Eats.”
Our idea is not to go for the simplest, but to look for alternatives.Hélène
Hélène believes that being in a relationship has boosted her ecological transition. “I'm not sure I would have developed so much so quickly without my boyfriend. We discuss it a lot. All this brings me, because I share these changes with him, ”she analyzes. Vanessa confirms. "Two, there is a dynamic, we support each other, but we also relieve ourselves of guilt," she admits. Because although she makes heavy concessions of energy and time to green her commuting journeys to Paris, she sometimes also falls for a compulsive purchase. For her, the real problem is rather on the side of the children of her companion. “No matter how much I explain to her daughter why buying a $5 phone case on Amazon doesn't make sense, she doesn't care.” His son does not understand the choice of an electric bike.
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Find a consensus
Because unsurprisingly, the ecological transition within unions – which sometimes take the form of blended families – can generate tensions. “Above all else, the couple is a relationship. Ecology can be a source of conflict among others, analyzes Marie Donzel. What I recommend is to talk more about distribution and to work together. Cooking together is not the same as preparing menus for the whole family. It also works for washing the car, sorting waste and buying in bulk”. Martin* and Stéphanie, Parisian forties in full ecological transition, do not share the same vision of holidays. Their secret is to discuss until a consensus is reached. "I'm not ready to tell myself that I will only fly three more times in my life, it makes me sad",acknowledges Stephanie. So they agreed: "As soon as we can do otherwise, we do it and, since take-offs and landings are the most polluting times, we will never opt for a weekend in Europe. , but for a long and beautiful journey, and very rarely”, explains Martin.
Assign tasks
These efforts are laudable, but there is a downside. The mental burden of women, once again at the heart of the couple which is greening. The sociologists Michèle Lalanne and Nathalie Lapeyre have thus shown that the use of washable diapers - very time-consuming - is based on women. "The revolution of ecology is not the revolution of equality", summarizes Marie Donzel. Domestic ecology is even more the business of women than of men in the idea of an extension of the dynamics of the current couple, still crossed by an unequal distribution of domestic tasks (70% of these tasks are carried out by women) . Hélène recognizes this: as her spouse's schedules are not compatible with the opening of the stores, she is the one who does the shopping. “Buying organic, bulk, sorting waste,replacing the faucet aerators is an invisible job that nevertheless takes time, energy and money for women”, continues the consultant.
The revolution of ecology is not the revolution of equality.Marie Donzel
Anne-Sophie Pasquet, naturopath, sees it with her clients. More and more of them want to eat less meat, a choice that is not always easy as a family: "Between the spouses who are afraid of being hungry and the double menus to cook", the naturopath gives some advice to replace the recipes usual with imitation meat, and thus satisfy everyone. Stéphanie, an active mother of three children, has agreed to eat less meat at the request of her husband - who has become a vegetarian for ecological reasons - but she is the one who imagines the menus... Lucide, the chain of organic stores La Fourche, whose 85% of its customers are female customers, conducted a study. The results are significant: 71% of clients believe that ecological commitments are shared within the couple. But in reality,there is "a real difference in perception and real commitment: women are systematically at the initiative of changing habits within the home", reveals the study.
“If we take a historical perspective, what has freed up women's time is household appliances! Unfortunately, they generate pollution, so these are “questionable” choices today”, adds Magali Trelohan, teacher-researcher in social marketing. Thus, “reducing waste with washable diapers, using household appliances less or no longer buying prepared meals, this takes time for women. But we can also get involved in other ways, through an association, for example, by promoting in the public sphere the skills acquired in the domestic sphere”, slips the researcher.
Domestic ecology also contributes to reinforcing financial inequalities: “Women have flow money that they spend on consumables, while men have capitalization money.
The choice of organic therefore weighs more heavily on women's wallets,” emphasizes Marie Donzel.
Some decisions remain the prerogative of men, by cultural construction, such as the choice of a hybrid car or the decision to change the heating.
This is the case in the couple of Stéphanie and Martin.
After reviewing the IPCC reports showing that the biggest emissions in France came from heating, travel and food, it was he who proposed opting for renewable energy and biogas.
“Laughter to regain control of a certain fatality”
In
Les Catastrophobes
, the cartoonist Didier Tronchet humorously recounts the daily life of a couple faced with ecology. Funny, but more than that: a plea not to let fate win you over.
As a couple, is ecology a divisive subject?
This is one of the major questions of our time. Within couples, it may be that over the years one of the two partners has not followed the same awareness as the other. I have the impression that this is a dynamic that often comes from women, that they are more reactive and intuitive on these questions. In Les Catastrophobes, the male component of the couple is more wait-and-see, perhaps overwhelmed by the scale of the phenomenon. The couple is also the space for exchanges and exposed weaknesses. I wondered how he could survive the irruption of ecology.
Why did you choose humor against eco-anxiety?
I said to myself: "We can't laugh about it, we have to laugh about it." But it's not a laugh of I don't care or cynicism, out of respect for what future generations will endure. As for the breakups in love which also inspired me a lot, laughter allows us to regain control over a certain fatality, by allowing us to become actors of our emotions again. By discovering the sketches, we can say to ourselves: “Ah yes, I am like that in fact!” The brain is not configured to consider questioning the universe that we have known since our birth. We can be in denial, like the man of the couple when he says: "The man has always overcome everything." His wife replies: “Dinosaurs must say that too.”
What impact on the dynamics of the couple?
As a perfect boomer, I know that I have never known things as dramatic as the wars endured by previous generations.
We had few opportunities to position ourselves so clearly.
Ecology is a bit like our own war.
Let's say that this little ideological segment can be destructive or revealing of certain dynamics in the couple.
At first, I just wanted to tell stories of funny couples, inspired by my daily life!
Of course, I wanted it to be funny, but also to leave something deeper.
The Catastrophobes
, Editions Fluide Glacial.
Listen: the editorial staff podcast
A women's affair
But that domestic ecology is partially gendered does not surprise Magali Trelohan: “It's quite logical. Through their education received, women are more concerned about others, nature, the environment. Moreover, ecofeminism, which affirms that environmental destruction and the oppression suffered by women are based on the same system, is making a strong comeback in public debate. "This movement, based on the idea of sharing, justice and equity, only works if patriarchal structures fall," says philosopher Jeanne Burgart Goutal, author of
Being an Ecofeminist .
(Escapement Editions).
But beware, as early as 1975, the American ecofeminist Rosemary Radford Ruether warned against the risk of women being locked into the role of saviors of the planet responsible for repairing the planetary chaos after having taken care of that of the house.
A warning that is still valid: ecological commitment - including in the couple - should always be combined with the social emancipation of women.
*Name has been changed.
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