Working-class children say: »I taught myself, like so many things in life«

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Obstacles that others may not experience: "I know the feeling that you have better trained "muscles" when you have to climb a longer and steeper ladder"

Photo: JJPan / iStock / Getty Images

Which education, which career path one chooses still depends heavily on the parental home.

Studies have shown this for years - and the founder of the rising star, Stefanie Mattes, recently told SPIEGEL about this.

At that time we asked our readers to tell us about their experiences: Were you also the first person in the family to go to university?

What do working class children fight against in childhood, at school, in the company?

Rarely have we received such long, detailed, touching and personal letters.

Here, readers give – in abridged form – insights into their lives, from childhood without vacation to the feedback discussion with the boss.

The roots: "

You

want to study law?"

Social inequality begins early and little has changed in recent years.

According to a discussion paper, based among other things on data from the Higher Education Report 2020, only 27 percent of elementary school students from a non-academic household go to university - for academic children the figure is 79 percent.

The researchers estimate that the pandemic could exacerbate educational injustice: fewer classes, financial problems, and a lack of digital infrastructure.

Non-academic children are more affected.

Stephen Vogel:

»My father was a model carpenter in an iron foundry.

My mother was a laborer in a fireworks factory.

We didn't have a car.

And by the end of the 1970s, no telephone either.

My parents only went on vacation once in their lives.

I was a mediocre elementary school student who stood out more for mischief than for achievement.

That's why I didn't get a recommendation for high school.

I was in fifth grade at elementary school.

It was my big brother who believed in me and convinced my parents to send me to high school.

I was first in the family.«

Sebastian:

“We've never had it bad.

My parents gave up a lot and even bought a small terraced house in the mid-1990s.

However, I flew for the first time when I was 21, for example, and I never went skiing, let alone in a hotel.

Since I was 14 I have been working during the holidays to enable me to have a lifestyle comparable to that of my high school friends.

However, many academic families also live in Erlangen.

We lived in an apartment subsidized by the city until the second grade.

Only a few of my friends in "this" neighborhood made it to high school."

“It took a lot of energy for me to have to justify myself every time I wanted to go to high school, to go to university and yes, to do the elite law degree.”

Anonymous

Anonymous:

»I grew up as a guest worker and worker's child in a family of Slovenian-Croat origin in the Berlin Thermometer settlement, a high-rise district on the southern outskirts of the city.

In order to finance my studies, which I had completed faster than the standard period of study, I had to live on the maximum possible Bafög rate.

I never had role models or help when I had a question about a term paper.

It took a lot of energy for me to have to justify every time I wanted to go to high school, to go to university and yes, to do the elite law degree.

»

Do you want to study law?” was one of the sayings in my circle of acquaintances.

With my parents, it was above all the insecurity that made them say: Realschule and then a solid education that also gives you a salary is better.«

Anonymous:

»Overall, the household I came from was »uneducated«.

There were less than ten books, otherwise mostly women's magazines.

My grades were above average and my parents were proud of it.

It was something they boasted about - but it was of no further use from their point of view.

A family member actually asked me later why I would study if I was only going to get married and have children anyway!«

The further training: "How should I have known how to create CVs that are as suitable for management as possible?"

Studies show that

Ilitch Abolhassan Zadeh:

»My fellow students always had such great working student jobs in corporations – for me it was more work in call centers or at events.

When at some point I knew what working student jobs were, I applied for them but never received any offers.«

Anonymous:

»Ultimately, I failed as a student at the university.

I had no network, no plan, no support.

And despite the rather schooled subject of biology, I never managed to get into university life.

I didn't belong, and at home as an "educated" person, I didn't really belong either.

From there I usually heard the question: »And?

How long are you still studying?” Translated: “How long do I still have to pay?” To free myself from that, I worked in various jobs while studying and financed myself: assembly line, gastronomy, warehouse, residential home for the disabled.

So I moved back between the worlds of the »academics« and the »workers«, only to leave the university at some point without a degree and finish something »solid«.«

"I didn't know there were books that prepare you for something like that."

Pia Neudert

Anonymous:

»Two years after graduating from high school, I began studying educational science.

The subject was chosen more or less arbitrarily.

The natural sciences failed due to a lack of sufficient cognitive structuring.

Small as I had become, I didn’t trust myself to study according to my inclinations – languages, German.«

Dennis Schneider:

»Internships in metropolitan regions like Munich or even abroad are hardly feasible without the necessary financial support.

Often there is also a lack of a »fallback option«: If you can't just return home after your stay because you can't finance two accommodations at the same time and are therefore always on the go - always into the unknown anyway.

The social aspect plays an equally important role.

For personal development, you leave the comfort zone that family and friends are logically in.”

Anonymous:

»The fellow students have an adequate PC at home, you have to use the computers at the university in the CiP pool.

You don't belong because you can't afford this or that, or simply don't go out that often at the weekend.«

more on the subject

50 years Bafög: »It would be fair to students if they weren’t treated like children« An interview by Kristin Hermann

Pia Neudert:

»At the time, I applied for my dual studies with training as an aviation woman with small, funny anecdotes in my CV, such as listing the hospital where I was born as the place of birth.

But how should I have known how to create CVs that are as suitable for management as possible?

I completed the online tests on the applicant platform on a summer afternoon, without any preparation, completely on my own.

I didn't know there were books that prepare you for something like this.

Just as little did I know that what would follow the successful test is an assessment center - let alone what it is called and what it entails.«

Starting my career: »Most of the time I fought against my self-doubt: Can I do that?«

Is origin still relevant in the office?

Not a bit, some wrote, in the office it's all about actual performance.

Others spoke of their difficulties with small talk, the feeling of not belonging to the team - and the lack of self-confidence when it comes to their own skills.

Anonymous:

»I was not prepared for what it feels like to want to assert yourself confidently in a circle of doctors and psychologists.

In terms of professional content, this was quickly no longer an issue.

It became clear in informal contacts, conversations, meetings, celebrations.

I couldn't have a say when it came to whether Beethoven or Mozart were the better composers and what the differences between the styles of classical music were.

"Let's go riding together, I've got a robust Westphalian in the stable?" - and I thought she meant the groom.

Above all was my dialect – High German was not spoken in my parents’ house.

Often enough, this has ensured that colleagues thought they had discovered the satirist in me.«

Anonymous:

»With a third employer after x years of work, nobody is interested in where they come from.«

Sebastian:

»After graduating, I was taken on for an unlimited period and worked relatively successfully, first as a commercial project manager and later as an accountant in the HR environment, but without any »visibility«, as the saying goes.

Feedback in development talks was often that I am very loyal and a reliable partner, that I perform well beyond the normal range, but do not present it to the outside world and should be more self-confident.

I didn't always understand that back then.

I am very self-confident and have always taken responsibility for myself and others at various points in my life.

I didn't sell anyone a show, I just wanted to impress with performance and quality.

Those were my values, shaped as a working-class child.

»In the course of my professional life I first had to learn that it is okay to make mistakes – and that I would not immediately lose everything I had achieved.«

Melanie Kaacksteen

Anonymous:

»I only learned when I was in my early/middle 30s (today I am 42 years old) how to assert myself in my job, how to move around in such a way that people accept me and I can see myself as an equal with them and I no longer feel like a "little silly" or an outsider.

Because everyone else always seemed much more intelligent, educated and articulate to me.

As a result, I was unable to use a lot of potential at the start of my professional life.«

Johannes:

»After the end of my studies, I faced bleak prospects.

The working student job was eliminated, no takeover due to poor performance (which was due to the death of my father).

No employer was willing to onboard new workers amid the uncertainty of the Covid pandemic.

Due to a lack of financial reserves on my part or in the family and due to a housing situation that destroyed the Hartz IV application, I was forced to find a job as quickly as possible.

That's why I ended up in Luxembourg.

This could have been avoided with a little more professional network on the part of the parents or experience in relation to applications in large companies, as well as with more financial relaxation.

Melanie Kaacksteen:

»I have always openly communicated my origins.

Astonished eyes and appreciative nods - these are often the reactions when I told a future boss or a new colleague about my career: first Hauptschule, then Realschule and finally Abitur and studies in humanities, which I completed with a master's degree.

I think that this path has also given me a few invitations to job interviews.

But I never wanted to stand out as exotic, I wanted to belong.

But this path also cost a lot of strength, time, sacrifices and struggles.

Most of the time I fought my self-doubt: Can I do this?

Is this my place in life?

For one thing, the pressure increased my insecurity.

And on the other hand, I compensated for the self-doubt with even more work.

In the course of my professional life, I first had to learn that it's okay to make mistakes - and that I wouldn't immediately lose everything I've achieved or be excluded because of it."

The experiences: "I've never been able to follow in footsteps, but I've always left my mark."

Many working-class children have written about the torn between their parents and new friends and acquaintances, about their search for identity.

But also about the values ​​that their parents gave them - and about the added value of being familiar with both worlds.

Dennis Schneider:

»A mother who is a medical assistant and not a doctor is no less valuable as a human being.

My self-image is that social background will shape you for life, so you have to take advantage of it.

Those who ultimately understand both worlds can only be successful.

Therefore, a non-academic background should not be construed as a weakness per se.

So far I haven't been able to follow in footsteps, but I've always left tracks.«

»I know the feeling of not belonging.

Not being able to ski.

Not being able to play the piano, even though I really wanted to as a child.«

Stephen Vogel

Anonymous:

»During my later training as a newspaper and radio journalist, I built my professional network myself, and then no one asked about my origins anymore.

I've always set up my own business and the experience from my youth strengthened me there.

She gave me important skills: assertiveness, empathy and self-confidence based on my own achievements.«

Stephen Vogel:

»Through university, the Studienstiftung and my job, I have come into contact with people from middle-class, upper-class and even aristocratic circles.

That didn't really impress or bother me in any way.

But I know the feeling of not belonging.

Not being able to ski.

Not being able to play the piano, even though I really wanted to as a child.

And not knowing where you liked to go on vacation as a child.

But I also know the feeling that you have better trained "muscles" when you have to climb a longer and steeper ladder.

And thanks to Corona I can even play the piano now.

I taught myself, like a lot of things in life.«