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Depressed colleague: what can you do? Tips from the careers advisor

2022-08-01T05:58:39.788Z


Annika's colleague suffers from depression. Working together is difficult: the colleague often cries and can no longer do her job. Annika wants to help her, but is increasingly reaching her limits. What can she do?


Enlarge image

If your colleague is not doing well, you want to support them – but without taking on too much of a burden

Photo: Niels Blaesi / DER SPIEGEL

Annika, 39 years old, clerk, asks: »A colleague who has worked for many years and has always been very reliable fell ill with depression a few months ago and was absent.

Now she's back by the hour.

But she's still not her old self, makes careless mistakes, forgets things, and starts crying at least once a day.

On the one hand, I want to help her, support her and iron out her mistakes as best I can.

But I can't afford that in the long run, sometimes I don't answer the phone when she calls for fear that she'll cry on me for another half hour.

But I can't bring that up, can I?"

Dear Annika,


I can well imagine the inner conflict you are in.

A balancing act between collegiality, loyalty, the concern of destabilizing your colleague and your own personal boundaries.

Your question shows that you are already aware that things cannot go on like this.

You know that you cannot continue to support your colleague in this way.

In addition, you are now fleeing into an avoidance strategy that is certainly not good for you either.

So something has to happen.

If you iron out your colleague's mistakes, it only helps in the short term and does not solve the situation for either of them in the long term.

You will have to take action to protect yourself and resolve the situation, which is also unhelpful to your colleague.

The first question that arises is who is responsible for what in this situation.

Different strategies result from the answers.

I would like to emphasize very clearly that the manager is responsible for the integration phase of your colleague.

She must assess what her colleague is capable of and create the appropriate framework for this.

If tasks and conditions are not appropriate, the manager must ensure that something is done.

This is expressly not your responsibility.

You are the colleague, neither supervisor nor therapist.

You, dear Annika, are responsible for doing your job, taking care of yourself and being fair to your colleague.

Incidentally, your manager also bears a responsibility for you, which you should assert.

Some factual information may also help to relieve you in your role and to make an assessment and decision as to which path you choose.

It is very likely that your colleague is in the process of "gradual reintegration" according to paragraph 74 of the fifth social security code.

This regulates how people who have been on sick leave for more than six weeks and are unable to do their work as usual are gradually reintegrated into working life.

It is important for you and your job to know that in this case the responsible doctor, the employer and the employee, i.e. your colleague, will discuss the extent to which the colleague is unable to work.

And also what measures can be taken to reintegrate it on a small scale.

It is also important to know that during the period of gradual reintegration, the person is still considered unable to work.

The law also states that care must be taken not to overwhelm the person with the workload, but to gradually introduce them to the old everyday work routine.

I hope this information makes it easier for you to understand the situation and plan your strategy.

I would like to make two suggestions for how to proceed, which you can also combine.

A conversation with my colleague

These are the key messages:

  • »I perceive you«

  • »I would like to make arrangements about how and when I can support you and what I can do«

  • »Talk to the manager«

You could lead the conversation into something like this:


"Dear colleague, you've been back for ... weeks now.

I can imagine that it is not easy.

I perceive that you still need support and need to speak.

You cry more often and I worry that you are not doing well in this situation.

I'm happy to do my part.

I realize that I can only help you to a limited extent.

Please let us discuss exactly what I can do and what I am able to do.

At the same time, I suggest that you seek a conversation with your supervisor and explain your situation to him/her so that you can see together what support you still need.«

A suggestion on your part for cooperation can be: A fixed and regular appointment to clarify questions and discuss content-related topics.

If there is this appointment, you should also have the courage to say at other times that it doesn't suit you right now, because you have a full desk and need to clarify the questions in the next appointment together.

You can also ask her openly over coffee how she is doing with the new situation.

“I can see that you are still finding it difficult to cope.

How is it going?"

Meet her as equals.

Trust and expect her to have the conversation.

If you address the elephant in the room, it will also help the colleague to find her way out of the situation that is obviously not right for her.

A conversation with the manager

This is the core message:

  • »I feel overwhelmed and ask you, dear manager, to take care of it«

The focus is on you.

"I can't provide the support." You don't have to explicitly mention the mistakes of your colleague.

Ask the manager to keep the conversation confidential.

Point out that you will not go into detail.

You can structure the conversation something like this:

»Ms/Mr xy, for … weeks, Ms z has been back from her illness.

It is difficult for me to assess whether she is doing well and whether she is up to the demands.

I don't want to offend her, but I realize that she needs a lot of encouragement and support, which I can't provide without neglecting myself and my work.

It's too much for me, but at the same time I'm worried.

I would ask you to look after yourself.”

Write a short introduction for the path you prefer.

In this way you can keep an eye on your core messages and have a common thread.

In both conversations, your introduction should not exceed five sentences.

And be aware of the worst that can happen.

In conversation with the colleague, she might want to pour out her heart to you.

If it's too much for you, draw a line.

For example: I can imagine that there is a lot that moves you.

As much as I like to support you professionally, I think you need other contacts.

If she blocks or withdraws, you can make the agreement to work together and then have the conversation with the manager.

When talking to the manager, they may want specific examples.

Don't let that fool you.

Keep coming back to your own situation.

Work with I-messages, for example: "It is important for me that...", "Above all, I need...", "My impression is...", "I feel...", "From my point of view...".

Don't justify or apologize.

If necessary, point out that it is not your job to clarify the situation with the colleague.

Point out the manager's duty of care towards you and your colleague.

Dear Annika,


no matter which path you choose, go for it!

I wish you all the best with it.

Source: spiegel

All business articles on 2022-08-01

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