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Marius, 39 years old, head of department, asks: »We have to work with a company and for years there have been permanent misunderstandings and enormous communication problems. These are real jerks! Each instruction or question is answered or negated with counter-questions instead of goal-oriented answers. The constant back and forth without solutions and willingness to compromise is unbearable. In the meantime, the employees in my department even refuse to answer the phone or emails from them. How can we improve communication?'
Dear Marius,
You can't always choose the colleagues or companies you have to work with.
As you can see for yourself, there are situations in life where you can't help but have to do it anyway.
It is clear from your question that you have arrived at a point where change is needed.
Rightly so, I think.
The fact is: The reason for the dispute lies in the past - the clarification, however, awaits in the future.
You decide what exactly you want.
You have several options:
They work together as usual and get annoyed with each other
They change the way we work together and work together constructively in the future
It's important to realize that you have choices.
First of all, a clear decision has to be made.
This is followed by the action instead of just the reaction to the other person as before.
So put an end to pointless reactions and act confidently and constructively instead.
Please do not wait for the other side to take action, as they may assess the situation differently than you and your department.
Talk about solutions instead of problems
In the here and now you can only influence the future.
The past is over, nobody can change it.
You should therefore try to take the first step as confidently as possible.
Draw a line under the past and focus on what lies ahead.
Approach your counterpart openly and honestly and build bridges that you can cross without anyone losing face.
It might sound like this:
»My subjective perception: We have not worked together constructively in the past.
I don't want to rate that.
But I would like to expressly apologize for our mistakes, our part in the situation.
I ask that we let the past be the past and start anew.
Maybe we can talk about how we can do this together.«
It is important that you meet each other as impartially as possible and with the willingness to clarify.
Speak from your own, subjective perception - without allowing attacks, accusations or interpretations to flow in.
But constructive and goal-oriented.
Do you even know each other personally?
Get to know personally the people you need to work with - the ones behind the work, the problems and the conflicts.
If possible in a neutral environment.
My suggestion: a dinner together in a pizzeria?
Maybe you even manage to toast what's already happened and wash it down, then start again?
Or are you registering for a joint training event?
Create a connection, a commonality.
Show interest in people.
Get to know each other.
Then the "idiots" are probably not so bad anymore, because they got a face.
Because they are alive.
There is something to love about every human being!
rules and structures
And then you talk about rules and structures.
Agree on how dealing with each other can be successful for both companies.
For example: There is an answer to a question.
After that, a counter-question is allowed.
And then there is another very simple but very effective trick.
It also strengthens the team spirit and often leads to cheerful situations:
Change the focus together as a team task.
If you receive an email or a call from the employees of the other company, what do you expect?
Something positive or rather something negative?
Have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion Effect?
A phenomenon in which an anticipated assessment is confirmed.
I don't mean positive thinking per se.
Change the focus and you change the situation!
In the future, if you're having a team discussion about the "others," and someone scolds or comments on something that went wrong, agree that they have twice as many good things to say.
It might sound like, “How annoying.
Didn't I know that they would reply with a meaningless counter-question..." Then it could perhaps be: "Yes, if I think about it more closely, then I realize that the counter-question is very clever" or "Respect how far ahead they think". .
Shift the focus that's probably "just" on the negative to what's positive, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.
This creates funny situations in the team if you catch a colleague and then he should spontaneously say something positive.
Embarrassing sentences such as: "I thought it was positive that it said 'best regards' underneath" or "... I'm grateful that I've learned to be so patient."
Dear Marius, there are situations in life whose circumstances cannot be changed.
Then there is no point in persisting in resistance.
We must accept what is.
We generally cannot change other people, but we can learn to make the best of every situation.
I wish you and your team every success in this and I believe that with a lot of attention and mindfulness you will succeed.
To a good cooperation!
