Chrissy Teigen talks about losing her baby 0:40
(CNN) -
Chrissy Teigen's apology to Courtney Stodden for trolling was apparently just the tip of the iceberg.
On Monday, the model shared a lengthy article on Medium that she wrote in which she talks about her "weeks of great shame."
"I know I've been quiet, and God knows you don't want to hear about me, but I want you to know that I've been sitting in a hole of well-deserved global punishment, the biggest 'sit here and think about what you've done,'" she wrote. Teigen.
"Not a day has passed, not a single moment has not felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I have said in the past."
Last month, Stodden, who identifies as gender non-binary, went public that Chrissy Teigen treated him cruelly on social media years ago after Stodden, then 16, married 50-year-old actor Doug Hutchison. .
"(Teigen) not only tweeted publicly about his wish to be buried, but he would DM me privately and tell me to kill myself," Stodden told The Daily Beast.
"Things like, 'I can't wait for you to die.'
Chrissy Teigen has apologized to Stodden, who has already divorced Hutchison.
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Reflecting on it in his Medium article, Teigen wrote: "As you know, a lot of my old horrible (horrible, horrible) tweets resurfaced."
"I'm really ashamed of them," wrote Chrissy Teigen.
"When I look at them and understand the damage they caused, I have to stop and ask myself: How could I have done that?"
According to Teigen, they are "more than a few" people he needs to publicly apologize to and says he has been privately contacting some of the people he treated badly.
These people, he wrote, "needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my pettiness disguised as some kind of casual, edgy humor."
"I was a troll, period," Chrissy Teigen said.
"And I'm so sorry".
Chrissy Teigen shares a video of her family's grief 0:57
The criticism on social media has been high, resulting in Teigen tweeting an apology on May 12.
In the article published Monday, Teigen wrote: "I want to go a little further, thinking of those I have hurt and my friends I have disappointed" with what she called her "sarcasm towards some celebrities" through of "jokes, random remarks."
"Actually, I was insecure, immature, and in a world where I thought I needed to impress strangers to be accepted," wrote Chrissy Teigen.
“If there was a wave of criticism on a pop culture topic, I would take to Twitter to try to get attention and show what at the time I believed was a rude, clever and harmless joke.
I thought it would make me cool and relatable if I made fun of celebrities. "
Teigen said her article was to provide context for people, not to present herself as a victim.
She has since grown up, she said, married, had children, received therapy, and has been getting enough trolling to understand the damage she has done.
"I understand better what motivates trolling: the instant gratification you get from licking and clapping, throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because he's famous," he wrote.
Plus, now I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of incredible hostility.
Believe me, the irony of this is not lost on me.
Chrissy teigen
