With openness against bullying: how children can react confidently in a conflict

Created: 05/28/2022, 17:42

By: Sandra Hefft

Self-assertion trainer Katja Becker helps children to be able to react confidently in conflict situations.

© Hefft

Holzkirchen/Bad Tölz – Katja Becker gives self-assertion courses for children in Bad Tölz, Wolfratshausen and Holzkirchen.

The motto: "Strong even without muscles".

"We can't change our counterparts, but the way we deal with them," says Katja Becker.

The 40-year-old wants to make children strong against bullying.

For the mother of two small children, this does not include the stubborn cramming of phrases for acute conflict resolution, but the conscious experience of one's own emotional world, the strengthening of the children's self-esteem and a good portion of empathy.

There are situations in a person's life that make him look at his past and habits with fresh eyes.

For Katja Becker, such a situation was the birth of her first child: "When you have children yourself, you start to think differently about some things." than my parents.”

From biotechnology to self-assertion

That's when Becker came across an apprenticeship as a self-assertion trainer at "Strong even without Muckis".

At first she only wanted to acquire the knowledge for her now two children.

But the training carried the 40-year-old along.

The decision was quickly made: "I can't just do this for my children." A fortunate circumstance, because Becker was looking for a career change anyway, for something that could be better combined with family, explains the former biotechnologist.

At the beginning of 2022 she gave her first own courses.

Becker practices with the children between the ages of five and eleven how they can communicate unequivocally: “I want to teach them to express what they really want.

Not what they don't want.” For example, if a child is being held, instead of saying “I don't want this”, they can say “Let go of me”.

The "strong without muscles" principle

It is also important to be able to endure the situation.

"Many give up too quickly," says Becker.

"I have to recognize when I really want something and then stay on the ball and keep the energy up." It is also important that the child who has been attacked does not fire back, but remains calm and relaxed.

"Firing back fuels the conflict," explains Becker.

According to the "strong without Muckis" principle "love is stronger than hate" the aggressor should be better met with understanding.

"It's funny at first.

But if you try that, you quickly calm down again,” says the self-assertion trainer.

Children in contact with their own emotional world

But Becker not only wants to teach the children to be able to handle conflict situations confidently, but also not to conjure up their own.

"All feelings are fine, but not all actions from them," says the 40-year-old.

The message: "It's okay if you're angry, but not hitting another kid.

What can you do instead?"

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To do this, the children have to get in touch with their own emotional world.

“Adults often deny children feelings,” says Becker.

"You don't need to cry or be sad now" are examples of this.

“We don't really mean it that way, but it doesn't make kids feel right.

When children realize that their feelings are okay, they feel understood.” It is also much easier to make compromises that way.

self-esteem and self-confidence

It is also important to consider the needs of others.

Becker sees that the principle works when she looks at her four-year-old daughter.

The classic: A child wants another child's toy – right away.

Becker then encourages her daughter to ask questions like "Can I have that now?" or "Can I have that later?" and then to play with something else until then.

But the basis of a strong child is its self-esteem.

If it recognizes this, self-confidence can grow.

Beliefs like “I can’t do that anyway” stand in the way of this.

These need to be tracked down.

That's where the parents come in.

“A lot of people want their child to be strong, but it is.

They're curious, they're strong, they have this passion to learn.

You don't have to teach them that," says Becker.

Self-assertion courses for children

Over time, however, circumstances can arise that lead to the fact that this original strength is more or less forgotten.

"This leads to a weakened sense of self-esteem - and that can mean that you are no longer as strong," says the self-assertion trainer.

“A strong child knows their self-worth.

That way you can go through life with confidence.”

Katja Becker offers self-assertion courses for children aged five to seven and eight to eleven.

These will take place on Tuesday, June 7th in Bad Tölz and on Wednesday, June 8th in Wolfratshausen.

The courses in Holzkirchen each last two days.

The first session will be on Saturday June 14th and the second on Sunday June 15th.

Further information and registration at becker.starkauchohnemuckis.de/termine.