Hamburg - She wore the medium-length, bright red coat. The one with the big, shiny plastic buttons in the sunlight. Among them was the beige summer dress without sleeves and the necklace that her parents had given for communion. The pendant, a small silver cross, pressed firmly against Renate Weber on that day in May 1970.
Renate Weber has aborted and thus violated paragraph 218. She is 21 years old at the time, studying pharmacy. She comes from a small village in Bavaria, her family is proud of her. A pregnancy would destroy her whole life plan - and then the shame of not being married. Singlesein means to stay chaste. "An illegitimate child, as callous as that may sound, I could not allow myself," says the 62-year-old. The situation seems hopeless for her until she decides to have an illegal abortion.
Like you, many women do it. Out of social, professional or psychological need, they take the same step. In June 1971, 374 of them in the "Star" openly admit: "I have aborted." Among them Senta Berger, Romy Schneider, Alice Schwarzer. In the Nouvel Observateur, 343 women - including Jeanne Moreau and Simone de Beauvoir - had previously admitted abortion.
The confession of German and French women is the trigger for a new women's movement: Thousands take to the streets. They demonstrate for the liberalization of the paragraph and against the disenfranchisement, the discrimination and the double standards. They want to determine their own sexuality. Ulla Böll, the niece of Heinrich Böll, marches through Cologne with a whispering bag and calls up the façades of the house: "Hello, woman, you know what we mean, do not be cowardly, join in!"
Pregnant, yes, but no expectant mother
Ulla Böll is in her early 20s, has just completed her training as a medical-technical assistant, earning her own money for the first time, when she realizes that she is pregnant. "I just started to look into life," says the 65-year-old. She decides to break off. Her pregnancy had nothing to do with "I'm having a baby," she says. Already on the second day, her body has changed noticeably. She felt pregnant, yes, but not like an expectant mother.
Those who have an abortion can go to jail in the 1970s. The doctors are also liable to prosecution. Many moths mix with. An idea that worries women just as much as horror legends about what can be the cause of a demolition - eternal infertility, unquenchable bleeding, and other lasting consequences.
"It was like a thriller," remembers Ulla Böll. The money she borrowed from friends. "I had to pretend that I was married, in practice I wore the wedding ring of a friend," says Renate Weber. By train, she travels to a German city on a May day. The cost of more than 500 marks she lends to her landlady, a mother of two, who has great understanding of their situation. The money stutters them for a year.
At the latest, when they are at the mercy of the doctor, the fears of the women fade into the background. "At that moment, you had to split off, be aware of schizophrenia, otherwise you would not have got through it," says Ulla Böll. "Until the end, I thought of the prosecutor, who would personally ring my apartment door and let me handcuff me," recalls Renate Weber. Her tears were unstoppably running down her cheeks. The assistant to the doctor had taken comforting after the procedure in the arm.
"It was a business and a thing"
The women also have to endure a lot on the street. Abortion opponents put them on a par with the Nazis ("you kill like them!") Or imply they wanted to "just jump through the beds." German bishops appeal to their conscience: "Human life is inviolable."
The introduction of the birth control pill in 1962 does not seem to many women as a relief. You have to prove to the doctor that you are married. And yet there is usually a moral sermon with the advice. Many try to get over the married friends or detours to the tablets. "It was a botch and egg, so I did not have the opportunity to take it," recalls Renate Weber. "And most men have taken care of preventing a wet rubbish."
After all, her then boyfriend joins her as she decides to abort. Not a matter of course then, many women do not consecrate either the partner or the best friend.
Renate Weber feels left alone, despite confidants. "One is mercilessly exposed to this alien determination, which nobody can take." Ulla Böll also trusts her partner and her friend. Her husband then also gives her the doctor who treats her under general anesthesia (also not a matter of course then).
"This abysmal feeling of loneliness remained," says Ulla Böll. Nothing can change this loneliness - not until today. The personal conflict is immutable. Therefore, one must offer women who decide to abort today, the best possible conditions for abortion.
"Damn, I love him, I'm heterosexual!"
Ulla Böll fights on the front line after the intervention in the women's movement. In 1977 she opens the first women's bookstore with café in Cologne, which becomes an important center of the women's movement. "For us women it was also a personal revolution, that did not get stuck in the clothes."
The protest, however, also brings with it irritation. Ulla Böll has to say things like "you go to bed with your enemy!" when she crawls under a blanket after a demonstration with her husband. "But then I thought: Damn, I love him, I'm heterosexual!" Even today, the two are a couple.
Neither Ulla Böll nor Renate Weber are in therapeutic treatment, until today. "I made this difficult decision back then, because there was no alternative for me, but I was firmly in the decision," says Ulla Böll.
Renate Weber got cancer years ago. For months she believed she would have to die soon. During this time, she often thought of that day in early summer, the abortion shot like a short film several times a day in the head. She talked to her daughters about it a lot. Her attitude and understanding did her good.
Ulla Böll is seriously ill. The demolition of the past is present again at this moment. "I just do not forget that," she says energetically. And even more energetic: "But I do not want to forget it!"
Perhaps that is also the reason why Renate Weber already fished the red coat twice out of the sack for the collection of old clothes. As he did then, he hangs in her wardrobe, behind the summer dresses.
The filmmakers Birgit Schulz and Annette Zinkant visited the confessors of the time 40 years later on behalf of the NDR. The result is a moving documentary, which will be broadcast on Arte for the first time this Wednesday at 21:05.