At 16, Alice tried to cut off the penis with a scalpel. In an online tutorial she had previously seen a tutorial. After the first painful cut, she stopped. Instead of going to the hospital, she kept the procedure secret.
"I was desperate and scared," says the 23-year-old, who comes from a rural region in eastern China. "I had the gut feeling that I had to get it over with."
Just like Alice, China has many transgenders. There are no official numbers. Few medical facilities offer professional advice on hormone treatments. Sexual harmonization is only possible with the consent of the families. But for fear of being rejected, many do not dare to have such a conversation with their relatives. "It was a big worry that devoured me from the inside," says Alice.
According to the human rights organization Amnesty International, transgender people in China are struggling with widespread discrimination, limited access to treatment and a lack of information. The high costs also drove many transgender to uncontrolled, risky treatments or dangerous self-mutilation.
Testosterone, ordered illegally on the Internet
"Discriminatory policies and laws have made many people feel that they have no choice but to risk their lives with extremely dangerous self-operations and to procure unsafe hormone preparations on the black market," says Amnesty International China expert Doriane Lau.
Jiatu also suffered from his original female body. He began injecting testosterone three years ago, which he had illegally ordered from Thailand. "There is no other way to get it," he says. He learned about it through other transgender men in online forums.
According to Amnesty International, transgender information about hormone treatments is available on the Internet or from friends. In doing so, they usually buy the medicines at overpriced prices on the black market, where there is a high risk that they will get unsafe or counterfeit drugs. Doctors in public health are hardly a help.
In March, China accepted recommendations from the UN Human Rights Council to ban discrimination against homosexuals and transgender people. But in reality, they see themselves in China increasingly in the sights of state surveillance and censorship.
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And while the World Health Organization (WHO) has officially removed "gender identity disorder" as a diagnosis from its worldwide handbook, in China, transgender people continue to be considered "mentally ill."
Alice blames the conservative attitude of Chinese society for the government's slow change in its policy on homosexuals and transgender people. "What the government can do is limited by the current views of society, we have to wait, the next generation will be better."
In 2018, Alice had the male sex organs removed during an operation. In order not to have the consent of the family, she went to Thailand. The cost of the equivalent of 11,400 euros took over her friend. "It feels more natural," says Alice. "I feel a lot better in my head."
