"It started in 2012. I was 19 years old and had just graduated from high school and moved to Bonn to study there and moved into a flat with people I only knew fleetingly.
When the university started, I felt a new nervousness: I was scared when I left the house in the morning, afraid of the lectures, afraid of finding a connection, not being cool enough, not being able to do it all. It got so bad that I started teasing events.
I isolated myself, spent a lot of time in bed. I was even overtaxed to go shopping: When I stood at the cash register in the supermarket, panic arose and I had to leave the store immediately - I felt so crazy.
I tried not to let it show me. I told my parents * that the university is fun, that I go regularly and everything is great. It was nothing great.
Then the sleep problems started. I was often awake 48 hours at a time without doing anything. Most of the time I just lay there, pondering and looking into the void. I was not tired. I had an extremely strong inner restlessness and, on the other hand, the feeling that I could not get up because my legs would not support me.
Depressed people are affected by their illness mostly in their entire life. They do not succeed or difficult to cope with everyday tasks, they suffer from strong self-doubt, difficulty concentrating and brooding.
Source: Guideline Depression Federal Medical Association
I was so ashamed of not leaving the bed for a week. I did not take a shower, always wore the same sweater. If anyone asked, I said I had a stomach flu. I thought that would be accepted sooner than what just happened in me.
depressions
Illness and spread
Depression is widespread in the population. According to epidemiological studies , about 5 to 12 percent of men and 10 to 25 percent of women develop depression during their lifetime. This does not mean slight moods, but psychological problems that need to be addressed.
If this does not happen, the consequences can be dramatic: depression is one of the most common causes of disability in Germany and is blamed for much of the approximately ten thousand annual suicides.
Causes and triggers
The causes of depression are manifold and remain unknown in many patients . Mostly they can not be traced back to a specific trigger, fate blows, however, can cause a depression favorable. But there are also depressions that come from an unresolved, early childhood conflict that is carried into adulthood. Furthermore, there are people with predisposition, so a genetic risk of becoming depressed. Medications can sometimes trigger depression: it is called as a side effect in many medicines. Also, diseases such as Parkinson's, tumors, hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances can cause depression.
symptoms
The depressed person experiences a persistently depressed and sad mood , although the symptoms in the morning are often worse than in the evening. An important symptom is sleep disorders . The patients withdraw and lose interest in social contacts and many other things in life. Often, anxiety and unfounded feelings of guilt are added, as well as the feeling of complete worthlessness.
therapy
Depression is generally considered treatable. Often a combination of modern psychotropic drugs and psychotherapy helps. In some cases, targeted sleep deprivation or light therapy is useful. After the symptoms have resolved, treatment usually has to be continued for months as there is a high risk of relapse.
What can affected people do?
To find out from depression, the most important thing is to seek help from, for example, a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or another point of contact.
It helps many patients to structure their daily routine , says Angelika Schlarb of the Department of Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy of Child and Adolescence of the University of Bielefeld. "It's important to get up in the morning and engage in physical or athletic activities, and a 30-minute walk will help as well as an antidepressant."
In addition, one should look for tasks that have to be mastered and deal with the negative. Relatives should ignore negative expressions of the depressive and try to talk about possible positive events of the day.
The German Depressionshilfe Foundation offers further information about the disease on its website. To find out if you yourself are prone to depression, the foundation's first self-test can help.
With material from dpa
At some point, I told myself that everything was because I chose the wrong degree course, and that I only needed to find what I really wanted. I broke off my studies. At first I felt better, the pressure was gone.
After a break, I applied again for a degree, was full of energy. The University of Duisburg has accepted me for sociology. I thought everything was going to get better now.
When the lectures started, the old patterns of behavior came: When it came to the examination phase, I again felt the panic. I lacked the strength to learn. Instead, I spent a lot of time in bed.
Immediately I thought again: Studying is not the right thing for me. I was terrified of the future, was already 23 and saw no perspective. Then I fell into a really deep hole.
Depressive disorders are among the most common and severely underestimated diseases.
Source: Federal Ministry of Health
I stayed in my flat not just one but several weeks at a stretch. The TV was running around the clock because I needed the background noise so I would not feel alone. Nevertheless, I felt terribly lonely. I lost 30 kilos because I no longer had an appetite. Sometimes I read for nights. It was like an escape into other stories. Do not have to live my own.
My apartment fell into disrepair. My inner chaos became my outer chaos: I did not clean up, did not clean, I lacked the desire for everything.
Until I realized that I was not even sad anymore. I just felt empty.
Some sufferers report inner emptiness and the inability to perceive their own feelings. They claim to feel petrified.
Source: German Depression Aid
Then came the day I thought, I do not know if I want to wake up tomorrow. I just wanted it to stop. It was a Thursday. I sat down at my desk and wrote a farewell letter.
As I sat there and looked at the letter, I realized what I'm doing right now - and that I do not want to. The next morning I dragged myself with my last strength to my family doctor.
Depression is always accompanied by the feeling that you can not get out of the situation. Affected persons often no longer see a way out.
Source: German Depression Aid
He knew me, I trusted him. Everything broke out of me. Before that I only ever heard spells like "You have to get your ass up" or "You're lazy, you've always been lazy". I thought the others are right, I just have to pull myself together.
My doctor, on the other hand, took me very seriously and referred me to a psychiatric clinic the same day. When I heard that, I was scared at first. But I was relieved too, because I was not alone with it anymore.
In the clinic I got the final diagnosis: severe depressive episode.
The most common forms of illness:
- Unipolar depression: recurrent depressive episodes (episodes without depression)
- Bipolar depression: manic-depressive illness (change between depression and mania)
- Dysthymia: depressed mood for at least two years
Source: German Depression Aid
I was in inpatient treatment for three months. The first day was a lot. Many impressions, a new environment, the patients who had been there for some time. After talking to the chief physician, I was on medication: antidepressants and sleeping pills.
I did not tolerate the first drug I was prescribed. My hands were shaking, my legs were shaking, I got a jerk of it. I then switched to another drug, I still use it. In between, I had dropped it off once. But I realized that I'm not ready yet. By now I have learned that it would be alright to take it all my life. People with other illnesses have to take regular medication.
Lena Janssen
It is estimated that around 350 million people worldwide are now suffering from depression.
Source: Federal Ministry of Health
After a few days in the clinic, I already felt better. It was good to talk to people who are just like me. To hear that others have the same thoughts, to know, one is not bizarre.
I like to think back to the hospital. In addition to all the grief and the work-up, we had a lot of fun there. I was never alone. I could retreat if I wanted to, but I knew there was always someone there.
At some point the day of my release came. I was still trying to argue with the chief physician, telling him that I'm not ready yet. But he stayed firm and told me: "Now you have to go back to life and put into practice what you have learned here."
I was slowly preparing for my release, first had to sleep one night at home and another night in the clinic. When I stayed home, I knew I was back in the clinic the next day. Then came the day when I should not come back. It was okay.
That something had really changed, I realized, when I started to renovate my apartment. I sorted out, thrown away, painted, bought new things, painted cabinets, made everything new. In the end, I felt completely comfortable - I had created that for myself. For the first time, I felt I had regained a bit of everyday life and normalcy and left the bad memories behind.
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I took small steps back to life. First of all, I tried to get back into shape in everyday life, getting up in the morning, taking a shower, having breakfast, looking after something beautiful. I also put on a sleep ritual, went shopping again, went for walks.
Every now and then there are still bad days. It helps me to know that they will pass.
In more than 70 percent of those affected, the depression returns in the course of life. Most relapses occur within six months of the completion of the acute treatment.
Source: German Depression Aid
In therapy I learn strategies to deal with the disease. Depression has a lot to do with acceptance. Accepting bad feelings, accepting the past - and accepting that it will probably stay that way all my life. "
* In conversation with SPIEGEL, Lena Janßen did not want to dwell on the reactions of her social environment and her family.