Mom, Dad, do you have anything to tell me?
When the child comes out of the closet, the parents go on their own coping journey, which, if left untreated, may end up where their child began - in the closet. How to deal with leaving the closet? How do you get your child the way he is? And what should you avoid when dealing with getting out of the closet?
Why is it so hard for parents to get out of the closet? Illustration, ShutterStock
family support. Illustration. shutterstock (Photo: ShutterStock, ShutterStock)
Late that night, at a parental guidance clinic, a couple of parents with a saggy, sad face entered the room. "Our 13-year-old son informed us that he was gay. Do you have how to fix it?" Dealing with an unwanted reality is by far one of the most challenging parts parents encounter in the process. The situation is complex, especially in light of the understanding that the situation is out of their control.
In the present age, more and more adolescents are taking courage and getting out of the closet, with often the first and toughest of all facing the family. After a long time, sometimes years, where the boy lives in secret, he is exposed to the family, with the main fears that accompany him are how will they get? Will they still love me? How did I disappoint them?
On the other hand, parents are entering a place where they are unsure how to handle the new situation, where they are supposedly losing control of what is dearest to them.
More on the topic: The situation is bad, you just did not know how much more on the subject: The situation is bad, you just did not know how muchIggy Research Institute looked at some references to LGBTs in textbooks.
To the full articleAs you find it difficult and difficult to overcome, contact a professional or support organization. Illustration, ShutterStock
family support. Illustration (Photo: ShutterStock, ShutterStock)
You are my child
If there is something that defines covert thinking in children, it is the desire to be loved and accepted, even when they have done or decided something that goes beyond the norms of the home.
Parents in the modern age sometimes find it difficult to accommodate the different situation, especially when it is unchangeable. Along with that, with proper attitude and attitude, we understand that our child is ours and not conditioned. That is, whatever his tendency, he is still our child.
Why is it so hard for parents to get out of the closet?
After conversations with a large number of parents, the difficulty seems to lie in several ways of thinking:
Protective - No parent wants their child to suffer and getting out of the closet, which is interpreted as an exception, makes the parent think his child will be harder than others. Although this issue is more common today than it used to be, this thought still holds true. And so it is very important not to think in terms of a change of reality that is out of control, those for acceptance and trust in the child
Environment - When the parent is difficult to contain the situation, he feels unpleasant feelings about his environment, when one of the anxieties is what will they say? How would he explain it?
Fear of the unknown - Parents of a gay child also have complex thoughts about future plans and lifestyles. For example, questions such as how will he get married? Will he have children? And what will his future cost? These questions bring parents to feelings of mental distress and a major difficulty in coping with the new situation.
It is important to emphasize that getting out of the closet is a constant situation and usually over time, with the right attitude (sometimes treatment), most parents adjust to the situation and manage to overcome the initial feeling of reluctance and anxiety.
The more we express acceptance, the more relaxed the situation and allows for a different perspective on the situation.
From the children's point of view, this is a very significant thing, since the family's acceptance hurdle is the highest. When the child experiences support rather than criticism, it helps him to cope with his identity and self-confidence.
"As you feel difficulty and have difficulty overcoming, contacting a professional, or supporting organization." Pictured: Roy Azoulay, a photo courtesy of the photographer
Roy Azoulay - Parent Supervisor, Personal Trainer and Lecturer in Educational Institutions (Photo: PR, courtesy of the photographers)
So what are the key principles in dealing with the new situation?
1. Open Discourse - Talk to the child and express support. You can certainly share your feelings, but it is very important to support and say "we are with you".
2. Identifying Happens - Talk to people who have gone through a similar process so that you yourself will receive support. The idea that "we are not alone" is significant to your adjustment. Thus, you will soon be able to adapt optimistic and positive thinking about the situation.
3. Family counseling - As you experience difficulties and difficulties in coping, contacting a professional or support organization, and working on the family setting will help you cope.
Getting out of the closet is not against you, but for the child. There is no reason for this event to diminish or forbid your relationship with your child. On the contrary, it is an opportunity to express support and strengthen the relationship the child needs very much.
The writer, Roy Azoulay , is a parent instructor, personal trainer and lecturer in educational institutions. Graduated from the Adler Institute, holds a BA in Humanities and Psychology, and an MA in Education.
