For the first half of my life, I was a resounding failure, and since then I feel like I'm cheating on everyone • Every time someone compliments me - I'm glad he didn't reveal the bluff

• Maayan Adam admits: "Suffers from imposter syndrome"

The first half of my life was a resounding failure in every parameter, and when success came - she was naturally very suspicious. How can a Zero like me suddenly change?

So I explained to myself that the commander did not realize that I was bad, that I managed to smear my bosses in the Knesset like butter, that I ended up surviving because I won from the prom, it is a matter of time before they stop compromising, and even here in Israel today I wait for someone to wake up. After every writing workshop I am preoccupied, I swear. Waiting for someone to come and ask for a refund.

I live with it.

Every time someone compliments me on my work, I breathe a sigh of relief. Well, God bless, he didn't notice that I wasn't good enough. When I get bogged down on my writing, I think to myself, "Well, there are a lot of people without a high standard. It's an audience as well, you don't really have to like it." Even when I get a good word on my appearance, I feel guilty. I cheated them, I don't really look like that, that's the angle and the lighting.

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I feel like I'm constantly bluffing and getting out of it safely. It was only luck and the ability to evade the radar that brought me to sleep. I'm not insecure, I've always had a sense of ability, just between me and myself, I'm convinced that everyone who chooses me makes a mistake.

In couples too.

This week a graduate of my workshop wrote to me that he was out of the closet thanks to me, that I changed his life, that he would never forget the class lesson. It was overkill for me already, I was filled with feelings of guilt. For three hours, I stood there and engraved on them. Filled he didn't sue me, but thank you so much?

At the moment of losing sight, I brought up Story with his moving words, and admitted that in my feeling I had carved my way into his heart. A second before I regretted, when I was about to delete it from the network, lest they come to the workshop anymore - they began to stream identification messages.

And clarification: I'm suffering from "imposter syndrome." According to Wikipedia, the syndrome is mostly common in successful women, but men have also written to me in tears. It's not easy to feel that everything you do - it's whitewash, cheat.

When I was little, my dad told me, "Do you know the difference between a smart person and a smart person? The smart guy doesn't put himself in trouble that the smart guy knows how to get out of, and my daughter is very smart."

But this is, I'm already smart Dad, I have nothing more to cover.

Dedicated to all supervisors and supervisors.