Instead of looking for the one that will excite and excite you, you should choose people who did not catch your attention at first glance • In honor of Valentine's Day, it's time to shatter some myths

• Look for the "transparent" people in your eyes

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No pot and no lid, no second half meant for us. On the contrary, the search for the same "cover" is rare and perfect, the longing for the "one" who loves the soul, is one of the sources of marital suffering and illness.

You should rather locate the "transparent" people in your eyes, those who do not catch your attention at first glance, or even second because that is where the best covers for us are hidden. In conscious choice, the antithesis of "creeping" attraction.

True love is a shared journey of two whole people and is not a matter of fate or luck, but of a choice we must make. Just like in the original commandments, the first five steps will keep you away from choices, made in a cloak of "love" but actually causing you repeated suffering. While the other five steps will draw into your space real potential mates for benevolent true love. Ready to go?

The first commandment : Do not suffer

And bet on the longing for the mythological ex or an unattainable spouse. When we are drawn to the inconceivable, we leave in advance something missing to miss, inflicting disappointments and frustrations on ourselves. The result is that we will inevitably experience a heartache that will only increase the longing and longing, is not a pity?

The second commandment : Do not fantasize

And bet on the fantasy that someone will complete you. In true love there is no expectation that someone will fill us. For no one but ourselves can fill us. Beyond that, the spouse is nothing but a mirror that presents us with our reflection at any given moment. The more we dare to love ourselves, the more the mirror will love us respectively.

The third commandment : Do not blame

Since the spouse is our mirror, there is no point in blaming, criticizing or trying to change it. Whenever the desire arises to point an accusing finger, take a deep breath and look deeply, what does his behavior reflect to you yourself? Your partner can not be stingy if you do not have extravagance in yourself, and your partner will not reject you if you do not feel rejected even before. It is enough that only one will do internal work and the spouse will already change, respectively.

The Fourth Commandment : Do not repel

Quite a few many couples to complete, are nourished by the drama, but in true love there are no games of hide and seek, no closeness and repulsion. True love is so quiet and relaxed that from the side it may seem like a dull mistake. Do not waste time doubting the connection every day anew, leave the games to the children to come, focus on the here and now - without existential questions, without fears and troublesome thoughts.

Fifth Commandment : Do not run into fire

We have a human tendency to be attracted to thrills and translate them into passion, but in true love the thrill takes the place of the deep feeling of satisfaction, which over time is much more pleasant. It’s a bit like starting to enjoy broccoli after giving up sugar addiction. At first, in relation to the sweetness of the sugar, it feels bland and tasteless, but the cleaner the body, the tastier the taste. Turn the momentary thrill into lasting satisfaction.

The Sixth Commandment : And you   chose for yourself

After we ran away from all the things they did not like, it was time to choose one or the other. In the age of abundance, there is always more, and there is always more. So what do you do, how do you choose? Remember that love is merely an optimal choice for yourself. Do not settle for crumbs that you mistakenly call love.

The seventh commandment : to see far - to see transparent

Start locating the "transparent" people, the people around you that your primitive and automatic "reptilian brain" does not notice. If it's the neighbor who's been courting you for a year but you are the only one who does not see, or the wonderful woman you see as just a friend. Choose to hang out and make friends with people you would not look up to until now, even though they are not the style that usually turns you on. They may prove to be the ideal candidates for true love of the kind you aspire to, believe me, responsibly.

The Eighth Commandment : Trust

The fear of being hurt is probably a common fear for all of us, the family of humanity. The sense of mistrust we have formed throughout our lives is felt (and sabotaged) in any intimate relationship. But instead of continuing to recreate the experience of mistrust and delving into the anxiety of abandonment, I suggest you open your heart and trust. The more trust you have in yourself and your spouse, the more trustworthy they will be, respectively. Conversely, the more you engage in suspicion, self-defense, and the fear of being harmed, the more self-fulfilling prophecy you will create.

The Ninth Commandment : Invest in Yourself

Obsessive relationships do not necessarily indicate great love and often result from a feeling of insecurity or personal meaning. If you recognize that this is the case with you, go back to the second commandment and remember that no one can fill you except yourself. Invest in your personal development, it is the recipe for a winning relationship.

The Tenth Commandment : In Sickness and Health , in Light and Shadow

Do not panic and do not run away when you see before your eyes a shady or even dark part of your partner. Look in the mirror and remember that the parts of the shadow are nothing but repressed parts of yourself. We all have less sexy parts of our personality that our natural tendency is to project on the other. Once you bring the shadow "home", take responsibility for it and look at it with compassionate eyes (a bit like looking at our child who just pulled hair or dangled on the wall), then the real magic happens: true love.

Sounds complicated? Life as a couple is indeed complex and challenging. I will not sell you illusions or Hollywood movies, but they are worth every investment. At the end of the day (and night especially) there is nothing like the couple dance to know yourself in the deepest layers and go through the life journey in two. Somewhere, not far away, the right man or woman is already waiting for you. Make the choice, and jump to the concept. You totally deserve it.

The author is the founder of the metaism method and heads the awareness space community, which has tens of thousands of members who live the method as a way of life.