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Tough out there: How do you educate children for empathy?

No parent wants to raise a child who will stand aside when a 16-year-old girl is raped or a child who violently attacks a person who holds different views of his or her own.

Still, it happens, far too much.

You can change that

Tags

• violence

• empathy

• parenthood

• Education

National Foundation, Guest Article

Friday, 04 September 2020, 06:41

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In the video: Following the suspicion of gang rape Demonstration in Tel Aviv in protest of violence against women (Yotam Ronen)

In recent times, there is no doubt that violence in Israel (and around the world) is on the rise, in all arenas.

The news reports give most of us the feeling that we, not to mention our children, are not really safe out there.

In galloping, we have in recent years become a culture that does not respect the space of the other - that hurts, kicks, that penetrates without a moment of thought, and not sure with a moment of remorse.

We may have been there before, but today, in the age of social networking, we all know.

We all know, and many of us are silent.

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The reasons for violence in general, and against women in particular, overwhelm the thought, and the canvas is too short to contain, but what can we do from today at home and in education to eradicate violence, 'taking by force', selfishness, lack of empathy, and male dominance? About the female?

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In a country where inequality is growing bigger, not some populations believe (perhaps rightly) whose voice is not heard unless the act of force.

When life seems like a bad episode of survival, when there may be a sense of inferiority, without tools, and sometimes, without the right knowledge - they become silent and choose violence.

Raise a hand on the boy who did not prepare lessons, punish the girl for inappropriate dress, admire and get excited when they hear about a strong who won, strive to determine, expect obedience, and set a lot of rules and prohibitions.

Do your children know how to put themselves in the other's shoes?

Demonstration following the rape in Eilat (Photo: Reuven Castro)

On the other hand, there are always the good ones, the cream kids, the ones who grew up in a fancy house with two parents who have everything - knowledge and money, work, 3 cars, a jet ski and class, and to the kid they give everything and even put it at the center.

Even in such a home there is not always a model for caring, for solidarity, for seeing the other, for giving up, for rejecting gratifications, for containing frustrations, and most importantly, for educating for empathy — the ability to put oneself in the other's shoes.

Imagine for a second you were transposed into the karmic driven world of Earl.

What parents are you?

Raising children is perhaps the most difficult job we are required to do.

In the value encounter between two families of origin - we, as a couple, do not always find the way that suits us, and then, even if we promised ourselves not to, we find that we behaved just like our parents or vice versa.

Just as summer heat affects our mood and nervousness - so will your parenting style affect the adult that will grow up in your home.

will have high demands and low level of responsiveness to the needs of the child.

They will champion obedience, punishment, assault and glorifying the strong, and expect the child to answer the dictates of society, on account of its uniqueness.

assume is their duty to provide children everything they need and they make an effort to adapt the environment to the child.

They will not limit him, will not train him in rejecting gratifications and will not require him to meet society’s expectations.

Parents who choose to

(instead of "trust") will give a lot of room for personal expression of the child, while setting clear boundaries.

They will educate, train, accompany and expect independent and responsible behavior, while supporting the strengthening of the child's value and sense of belonging that will allow him to devote himself to development and growth.

Children learn help after observing their parents, not from preaching.

Girl helps child (Photo: ShutterStock)

In families where the parents lead the home according to the authoritative model and continue to be present even in adolescence, there will probably be less search for unnecessary emotions on the part of the adolescent, less anxiety and emotional difficulties, less risky behaviors, more academic success, more cohesive identity, more close relationships and more skills. High interpersonal skills.

7 First Steps in Empathy Education

To raise a child who behaves equally, responsibly, independently, who has a good sense of worth and who wants to have a positive impact on society and not hurt its details - there are a few things you can do from the beginning:

• Define my parents' vision and look to the future today - ask ourselves which adult I want to raise ?

What will contribute to it?

Coordinate attitudes and values ​​- talk and check what our values ​​are, in order to put together a values ​​compass that will help us in every parenting decision we make.

To guide, train, guide and provide help to our child until he knows what he has learned on his own.

• Remember that we are a role model - because more than words determine actions.

Our children have special sensors, they see and feel us.

We will help, support, empathize and care for them, our parents, the neighbor, the cat we met in the garden, we will mediate reality, and it will most likely pass to our child in blood.

Establish a non-sexual and "other" perspective.

Father and daughter (Photo: shutterstock)

• Be a part of society - as long as the ways of education and the atmosphere at home support the child's connection and integration in the social field by listening, encouraging, mutual respect, consultation, giving responsibility and independence, cooperation, containing frustrations and responding to children's developmental and emotional needs. A more humanistic world and treat those around them with equality, fairness and tolerance.

• To eradicate gender inequality - already within the walls of the house, equal space is given to girls and boys, girls and boys, men and women.

We will encourage children to think and speak equally, to a point of view that is not based on sexuality and "otherness".

We will not encourage the boys to "retaliate" or take "by force", we will not tell him that he is a "man" for any behavior that reflects strength and physical strength or for success with a girl, however, we will not expect the girls to be silent, end any sentence with question or avoid argument. At all costs that socially is expected of you to be gentle and quiet.

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• Establish an open dialogue, allow each of the children to express themselves and choose. Share with them our experiences, dreams and thoughts, consult with them and also ask for help - all of these will make them valuable, visible, meaningful and considered, and they will want to cooperate with us.

• Teach that every choice has a result - mediate to children the codes and norms of society, connect them to the logical and natural results of their actions, release them and trust them to know how to cope, to set a limit, to believe in themselves and not drift after others.

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