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This year the feelings of guilt are released: this is how you do it - Walla! health

2020-09-24T04:41:59.863Z


Parents always walk around with a bag of regrets on their backs, and during this time it is heavier than ever. But right now, just before Yom Kippur, it's time for you to forgive yourself. First step: apologize to the children


  • health

  • parenthood

This year the feelings of guilt are released: this is how you will do it

Parents always walk around with a bag of regrets on their backs, and during this time it is heavier than ever.

But right now, just before Yom Kippur, it's time for you to forgive yourself.

First step: apologize to the children

Tags

  • parenthood

  • guilt

  • Sorry

  • blame

National Foundation, Guest Article

Thursday, 24 September 2020, 07:07

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Familiar?

Frustrated mother and sad child (Photo: shutterstock)

In these days of the beginning of a new year, we all long for another year.

Clearer, more certain, healthier, closer, happier.

With all the difficulty most of us experience these days of uncertainty, confusion, worry, disagreement, lack of sense of control - the month of Tishrei brings with it a different spirit and the days of between cover and decade are an opportunity for forgiveness.

Asking for forgiveness from ourselves, asking for forgiveness from others and yes, also asking for forgiveness from the children.

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As parents, many of us feel guilty, if it was because we were not there enough, that we returned to work quickly at the end of maternity leave, that we went on a couple's vacation, that instead of hammock - I went for a run or with a friend, that we could not solve the wired function Either we did not protect her and she was hurt, we talked on the phone just when he got in the car or when we did not mediate enough something bad happened.



But as much as it is in the child-do not suffer for not being good enough - the feelings of guilt have no real benefit, and maybe this year, with everything going on, we will agree to pity ourselves first and accept ourselves as we are.

It's okay and even recommended that we seek to improve in one area or another, but we can also agree that at any given moment - we try to do our best (if this is true - we can, among ourselves, testify cross-character).

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We all make mistakes, we all make mistakes unintentionally, even the serenities of parents get angry, sometimes react from the belly, lift the tone for a moment, say a word out of place, and then regret it.

What has happened - has happened, and it has meaning, but each and every one of us also has the way to change and pave the future differently.

If it really comes from the heart and is not an abusive conduct routine, why not apologize?

I'm out of my mind, I'll be right back

So if you went out of your mind for a moment (which makes a lot of sense in the parental role, and certainly during this challenging time), you got angry at the milk she spilled, forcibly took the tractor that held the little hand or in one moment of arranging the house His and simply and sincerely apologize.

It is time to live boldly alongside our imperfections.

Mother and child angry (Photo: ShutterStock)

It should not hurt your pride, authority or power, and it does not mean that you have failed in your job.

It comes to teach all of us, parents and children, to live boldly alongside our imperfections.

In this way, we will convey to our children an important message for life: you are valuable, you are equal to us (even if not in our roles), the honest, loving and reciprocal relationship with you is most important to us, and in our home it is possible and wrong.

No one on earth is perfect (think how much heartache this understanding can spare them).

Share and apologize - part of the job requirements

As parents, part of what will help us direct and nurture the personalities and life experiences of our children is the sharing of experiences from our daily lives, the feelings, thoughts and dreams we have.

Along with the success stories and highlights you experienced today or in the past, share them even in cases where you made a mistake, insulted, said a bad word, kept quiet instead of defending, stood aside when the other was hurt.



And when you apologize to them - make room for the emotion that led you to the reaction, and perhaps together, you will be able to decipher what emotion arose in your children in that situation and ignited the fire.



Regular practice of recreating moments of anger, frustration, insult, helplessness, or disappointment will polish your ability to look inward and slowly neutralize the "autopilot" that many parents are dying to get rid of.

When we take another moment of our day and truly apologize for it - we take time to understand our interpretation of the event, to the inner translation that ignited the emotion and triggered our reaction.

Apology as a lesson for life

When we apologize, and with older children we also talk about what happened, we find, sometimes, that what we translated to ourselves in our head was not at all, and that the other side, even if it comes out of our loins, saw things differently.

Such a discourse will rub us all in knowing the subjective perception of each member of the household, including that of our children - young as they may be, and will allow us to help them, if necessary, rewire the ways of thinking that are beginning to take hold right now.



Beyond the sense of equality, respect, meaning and value our child will feel when we ask him for forgiveness, he will learn that apologizing is not the end of the world, that judgment and criticism do not promote, and that it is far more important to fortify your position (and add suffering to pain). .



Keren Artzi, Parent and Family Facilitator, Adler Institute

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Source: walla

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