"I have the impression that I am being manipulated and that he is taking me away from my loved ones", "he tells me that it is for fun, but when he hits me it shows that it is to hurt "," I told him I didn't want to sleep with him that night, but he ignored it.
I felt compelled to do it ”… They are 19, 22 or 17 years old and in their testimonies which appear on the chat, all have a presentiment that something is wrong with their relationship, all have this intuition that the relationship is not not healthy but none of them really recognize themselves as victims of violence.
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Violence against young women: 16-20 year olds are the most affected
While the United Nations is celebrating the International Day of Girls' Rights this Sunday, it is in this room in the 6th arrondissement of Paris, at the Cité Audacieuse, that the respondents of the association En avant tout (s) are at work to fight against what is the basis of all this violence: sexism and its attendant stereotypes.
They are six, in total, to help those under 26 to freely express their intimate questions thanks to a tool that this young audience masters to perfection: a chat, created in 2016, and which has seen its attendance multiplied by 14. This listening to writing (overwhelmingly invested by young women), anonymous and unique in France, responds to the address: commentonsaime.fr (available from Monday to Saturday from 10 to 21 hours).
"Come tell me about your couple"
No “SOS violence” in the title or other similar terms in which the victims would not identify.
It is partly for this reason that very young women are so far off the radar in the fight against sexual and gender-based violence, which does not however spare them from their first romantic relationships.
For them, often, conjugal violence is the battered woman, married with children, thus obscuring all other forms, whether psychological, sexual or verbal.
“How we love each other” is another way of saying “come and tell me about your relationship”.
"We take the path they take, fields that say
love
,
youth
... and we never impose a truth", insists Louise Delavier, co-creator of the chat.
Thus, if a young girl idealizes her boyfriend's jealousy as being a proof of love, but specifies in his testimony that he watches his company, looks at his phone ... the respondent draws: "Do you want to live?" something with someone who doesn't trust you?
Doesn't that bother you?
"
The chat, created in 2016, saw its attendance multiplied by 14./LP/Arnaud Dumontier
"If that's okay with her, if she's happy like that, we're not here to judge and tell her:
Your guy is m ...
" summarizes Louise Delavier.
Obviously, if one of them is in a situation of imminent danger, the word “violence” is raised in the discussion and it is directed towards adequate measures.
Otherwise, we wait for the exchange to take effect, we wait for her to feel legitimate to make a statement as painful as this one on the screen: "In fact, it was a rape".
It was indeed.
A reversal of guilt typical of aggressors
Difficult for someone who is not trained to take a step back as certain words, sometimes strewn with smiley faces and expressed behind a nickname, are shivering.
A disorder that is multiplied by a point in common that they almost all have: their guilt.
“This inversion of guilt is typical of aggressors and very emblematic of the messages we receive,” explains Élodie, one of the respondents.
If the responsibility is shared, then we should not blame him.
This is how this violence is trivialized.
Our gaze then stumbles on the sentences of "Charlie13", 18 years old, who fears that his ex does balance on the Web his "nudes".
He never wanted to delete them, strong of this sentence: the photos belong to him.
Revenge porn, a classic of cyberviolence.
"I am afraid every day", "I regret so much" ... The respondent reassures, praises her courage to testify, passes on the tools allowing her to defend herself and does not go back four ways: "You have the right to 'send pictures of yourself without feeling guilty.
He does not have the right, whatever happens to broadcast them.
It is punishable by law.
"
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"I have the impression of having been raped": victims of revenge porn, they testify
“When they wonder, the first girlfriend to whom they turn is Google, slice Ynaée Benaben, co-founder of En avant tout (s).
A lot of SEO work has therefore been done so that, when they do a search on the Internet, like "I find that he speaks badly to me", "he puts pressure on me when I don't want to", that first of all leads to the association's responses and not to words like "love is maintained, you always have to force yourself a little".
So history that Google is really a good friend, not sexist and benevolent.
A life free from gender-based violence
Every year, on October 11, International Day of the Girl, the United Nations Children's Fund (Unicef) launches a campaign to give these young people the opportunity to make their voices heard and to mobilize for their rights. . An appointment launched in 2012. This year, it will focus on these demands: leading a life free from gender-based violence, learning new skills to tackle the future they choose and the will to take the lead. of a generation of activists to accelerate social change. The association En avant tout (s), created in 2013, is aimed at this young audience. In addition to a chat, the association also acts in the field to prevent sexist and violent behavior, by going out to meet young people (schools, MJCs, etc.) and professionals working with them.
