How do you talk to teens about sexuality? | Israel today

Adi Beatty's clip once again raised the issue of extroverted sexuality in adolescents. • We checked with psychologist Dr. Inbar Lustig: What is the best way to talk to them about healthy and age-appropriate sexuality?

• "Advertisements present the adolescent as a sexual object."

  Adi Beatty, from the clip

The clip for Adi Beatty's new song invites deep thought and consideration from all of us, parents, professionals and anyone who engages in sexual violence.

How can we talk about healthy sexuality with adolescents and take advantage of this level, which has unfolded before us in the form of another clip that raises the issue, for its guidance.

Especially during the Corona period, when children and teenagers are connected to screens and exposed to various content.

We turned to Dr. Inbal Lustig, a certified social worker who specializes in psychoanalytic psychotherapy from the community of therapists of the SOMEBUDDY website, for the search and personalization of age-appropriate psychologists and therapists, and we examined the issue of age-appropriate sexuality.

What is the main problem with clips or commercials that feature distorted sexuality?

"Many commercials and clips portray adolescents not as human beings with their own thoughts and feelings, but as a puppet or object that offers adult sexuality that is not age-appropriate. Worse, the sexuality shown is such as showing how the boy / she serves as an object that provides sexual need for another. 

"Modern society, which has enshrined in its banner the individuality and personal realization of man as the ones who should lead us, has radicalized the maturation processes of boys and girls. In addition, modern society has made the pursuit of externality central in adolescence, at the expense of identity and personality development." , For the cultivation of the exterior - even more powerful and extreme, and has become a central and almost unique occupation.Many teenagers adopt in adolescence naked clothing, makeup that does not match the age and adoption of appearance, the only thing she represents is that of extroverted and extreme sexuality. "Sexual harassment, indecent acts and even gang rape of girls and boys." 

What can I do as a parent of an adolescent?

"Two things are of key importance on the subject of sexuality - first a personal example as a parent. If sexuality is the only thing reflected in my attire, I can not talk to them about the problems of revealing attire. Teens are sensitive to the gap between what we tell them and what we do ourselves.

"Significant contact with our adolescents is a key tool in preventing their risks and complications. If you as a parent feel that your adolescents are preoccupied with forming their sexuality, which is consistent with their chronological age, it is important to talk to them at eye level about the meaning of healthy and respectful sexuality." "No, when the touch is inappropriate, and about the importance of clothing that fully represents their personality as a person and not just gives expression to the gender or sexual part." 

How can you talk to children about porn culture in a way that they will listen? 

"Conversations with adolescents as with younger children, it is important to be less reprimanded and critical but ones that invite open dialogue, where parents listen to their opinions and dilemmas and can voice theirs from a respectful and open place." 

How do you explain self-image to children and adolescents? 

"Like many other topics, body image should be part of the discourse at home, not one that is given an annual lecture. The way the parent conveys to the child his view of him, is what will determine the child's self-image. The parent should ask himself if he tells the child just how much Is he beautiful, if he deals a lot with his dress, weight and appearance? Or does he reflect with his gaze his complete personality - that is, he talks about his good qualities, indicates the areas in which he is good and tells him that he loves him as he is. "Of course, the way the parent treats himself is important. If he is weighed every day and indicates what he looks like accordingly, it will create in the child a distorted perception of his image."

Is it possible to help children with issues of social pressure?

"Adolescents will be able to withstand social pressure if they feel that their parents are behind them, believe in them and who they are. Teens are naturally significantly more involved in sexuality and the society around them than at any other age. Support, presence and meaningful contact will make adolescents stand up to pressure. "Without giving up or feeling that they will be left alone if they stand their ground. You can always turn to a skilled professional who will help you get through adolescence safely."