The days go by, the dead pile up, but his bitterness remains "intact".
This raw suffering, Sabrina Sellami, 44, can no longer bear it.
Her mourning was stolen from her, she repeats, while her father, Nour, 82, and her brother, Zerouk, 56, were swept away by the Covid last March, twenty-four days before interval.
They left without our hand being held, buried at full speed for fear of the virus.
Covid-19 epidemic: "They stole my mourning", accuses Sabrina Sellami
How then to achieve, accept, rebuild?
The passing of time changes nothing.
For her, as for thousands of others.
"Why do we, the families of victims, not hear us, we cannot be seen, while doctors are received every day on the television sets?
Today, what do we do for all these deaths, left in inhuman conditions?
This cry of anger, final cry for help, Sabrina Sellami, referent for Ile-de-France of the association Victims of Covid-19, decided to send it to the president in an open letter that we publish.
Once again, she demands from Emmanuel Macron a national tribute which would make it possible to "rehabilitate the dignity of missing persons" and to initiate a work of mourning in suspense.
“When we ask the question, we are told that the epidemic is not over, that the priority is the fight for life.
Do you think we don't know?
But if a day of national mourning is not declared, let's organize at least one tribute.
It's the only thing that would appease us.
Spain did it and it lasted ten days!
"Hence Sabrina's question: how many victims does it take for it to finally take place," 100,000, plus?
At the cemetery, the officers shouted "get out, others are waiting"
This Tuesday, January 19, 71,342 men and women died of the Covid, 656 in the last 24 hours alone.
Life expectancy has fallen, the death rate has increased by 9%.
“We are all concerned, linked to each other by this epidemic.
With the members of the association, she would like to be finally received by the Head of State.
“Again, we're told he's very busy.
He has time to call Bigard after his rant about the closing of the bars, but not to meet us for ten minutes?
»If Sabrina is so revolted, it is also because after the shock of spring, she read the books of the doctors on the crisis, at the start of the school year, telling that they were not ready.
“I learned that at the beginning, hospitals did not even do tests, why does the State not recognize this lack of preparation?
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Nour, his father, had to wait six days before being tested.
Meanwhile, Zerouk, his son, watched him for a long time in his hospital room, without knowing that he had the Covid.
Both are deceased.
Sabrina had to say goodbye to her daddy while he was still alive.
“The doctors told us that after that it would not be possible because of the strict protocols.
In front of him, she apologized for not being able to accompany him to the end, she had time to tell him that he was great.
And then that's all.
As for Zerouk, she was able to lift the sheet to see it "in a garbage bag, cotton in the mouth, ears, nose, plaster over the eyes".
And then “they were thrown into coffins”.
Sabrina's father, Nour, 82, died of Covid on March 6, 2020. Here in Greece, five months before her death./DR
Zerouk, 56, Sabrina's brother, died on March 30, twenty-four days after his father. / DR
In the cemetery of Thiais (Val-de-Marne), where the funeral had to be cut short, she remembers the municipal agents who shouted in megaphones "get out, other people are waiting" and the din of the excavators.
“We sometimes wonder if these deaths are really ours, it haunts us.
"At night, his brother seems to remind him that this is indeed the case:" I see him in my dreams, he gives me an object and tells me
it's so that you remember me.
"Is it really my wife's ashes that I have scattered?"
Lionel Petitpas, 70, founder of the Victims of Covid-19 association, tries to refute the same question: "Is it really my wife's ashes that I scattered?"
In March, he saw her leave in the ambulance, she said hello to him and he never saw her alive again.
"Why didn't I at least say goodbye to him behind glass?"
He breathes in a small voice.
Nine months later, the silence lurking in the house freezes him.
"I get up, I am alone, I go to bed, I am alone, I have trouble getting used to it.
"The stolen farewells of the coronavirus": mourning without a final goodbye
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Deprived of funeral rites, he fought for national homage, writing several times to the President, the Prime Minister, the Minister of Health and many MPs.
"It is during war that we prepare for future peace, right?"
However, we are not asking for the moon.
In the meantime, he faces the immense distress of the other families.
“I end up giving them advice when I'm in the same situation as them.
This mourning ritual is, according to psychiatrist Gérard Lopez, essential.
“It allows us to see the reality of death, otherwise people continue to live hallucinatoryly with the dead.
This national homage would be a form of recognition and compensation for what the state has deprived them of.
"Contacted, the Elysee said" to share and join in the pain of families "but" recalls that the virus is still very present and that the priority of the government is to do everything possible to protect the French ".
Sabrina Sellami's letter to Emmanuel Macron
Sabrina Sellami's letter to Emmanuel Macron
" Mister President,
It is now almost a year, I successively lost my beloved father then my dear brother, both victims of Covid-19.
The epidemic in France was in its very early stages and hospitals had apparently already been preparing for a while for the idea of how and under what circumstances patient zero would present itself to them.
Welcomed in our hospitals in haste, confusion and incomprehension, they unfortunately paid the price for protocols that were often humanly difficult to bear and that were thought necessary to protect themselves from this invisible enemy.
This rigor, pushed to its paroxysm, brought about a miserable care and end of life for these poor victims and their loved ones.
We, the families, have suffered and continue to suffer to this day from not being able to accompany our deceased in these extreme moments of their lives.
We feel a heavy sense of guilt.
They trusted us!
And we had confidence in our system, which was supposed to uphold our most fundamental right to human dignity.
But in the end, they left like plague victims, a body or rather a packaging stuffed with viruses and which had to be got rid of as quickly as possible.
They were put in a plastic bag sprayed with bleach, naked, without prior toiletries and the openings blocked, without being able to say goodbye to them.
Then they were thrown into a coffin without religious rites for believers, buried as anonymous.
And as there was no lifting of the body, doubt took hold of us.
Is it our dead that we are burying?
These procedures, which were too harsh, painful and humanly disrespectful, were fortunately subsequently discussed again, their too immoral side strongly denounced, but however, we, among the first affected, we live with this trauma of having abandoned our loved ones.
Today, despite this continuing health crisis, unfortunately, we want this discomfort that prevents us from moving forward to be taken into account.
The medical profession, which recently published on this point an eminent professor regularly invited on TV sets, specializing in information, perfectly describes and recognizes the exaggeration of protocols and the excesses at the origin of our suffering.
We would now like the first man of the state to welcome us, representatives of the association Victims of Covid-19 ...
This gesture would help us no longer feel guilty for having abandoned our loved ones.
We would like to hear that the system in which we trusted had found loopholes responsible for the abyss and the unworthy conditions in which our martyrs left: men and women who had life projects, passions, prospects for our world, acting within cultural, sporting and humanitarian associations, working for the planet and which would have deserved much more than the Legion of Honor.
Mr. President, let us pay them the tribute that our society, respectful of these values which they defended, owes them.
This mark of respect can serve as a model for the men and women who will continue to move our world forward with serenity and the awareness of doing things well.
We know as we speak that the priority is the fight to eradicate this deadly virus.
When the time comes, we will have to look at this day of national mourning and we can discuss it with you.
Mr. President, I have heard and listened to you address the peoples of the whole world, recalling and defending the fundamental values of respect for man and for life, honoring the memory of the dead, victims of wars and injustices.
Today, it is our relatives who left in unworthy and unfortunate conditions that must be rehabilitated by this tribute.
I thank you on behalf of all those who believe in these values that you defend and all those who, by listening to you pay this official tribute, will come to collaborate and work for a better world.
Looking forward to meeting you, please accept, Mr. Speaker, the assurance of my highest consideration.