"My meeting with Jack is an anomaly in a sea of ​​abuse": minors, they tell their relationship with an adult

Romeo and Juliet had, on the way to their impossible love, two rival families.

In an up-to-date romance, Shakespeare could have added another obstacle, the age difference between the two most famous lovers in the history of literature: 13 years for the Capulet, 21 years for the Montaigu.

In France, these teenage idylls will be protected by a clause named after the tragedy and integrated into the bill against sexual violence.

It will avoid the automatic criminalization of a relationship between an adult and a minor with less than five years of difference.

Modern "Romeo and Juliet" have agreed to tell us their story, at the heart of the debates.

Ethan wouldn't share his story for the world.

First, because he keeps Jack, his fiancé, jealously for him.

And because he considers himself to be an exception.

"I've been through these kinds of relationships before Jack and they all turned out to be unhealthy."

I wouldn't recommend willingly getting into a relationship with someone older when you're a minor, ”he says.

However, despite his reluctance, at 17, he fell madly in love with a man four years his senior.

Their story begins virtually, on a forum.

“I originally asked for help in English.

My command of the language was impeccable but my accent was deplorable, Jack contacted me by private message after seeing my post.

[…] For a few weeks we bombarded each other with voice messages, we listened to each other talk for hours, philosophizing on subjects that were close to our hearts.

It was a breath of fresh air, at that time I think we both knew that our chemistry was precious, promising a great bond, ”says Ethan.

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It is confirmed during a meeting at the end of 2019. And the age barrier falls, finally quite naturally and its fears with it.

“We have, from day one, been each other's confidant without judgment, none.

When it comes to consent the same applies, we know each other's barriers and we always ask, whether in bed or for important decisions, ”says Ethan.

"I knew what I was doing"

And to assure: "I know that it is not the norm of similar situations, we are an exception.

[…] My meeting with Jack is an anomaly in an ocean of abuse.

I was astronomically lucky to meet someone whose main quality is benevolence, ”he continues.

The only obstacle between them now, the Channel which separates them, and the Covid, which prevents their reunion, and their future marriage.

Sadly, Selena and her partner's relationship did not experience the same fate.

For the past few months, this young 17-year-old Parisian student has been single.

But she remembers her past history without regret or bitterness.

"I left him, and we stayed on good terms," ​​she says today.

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A year ago, a first virtual relationship becomes real with a man four years her senior.

“We learned to know each other, to get closer before falling in love,” says Séléna.

Neither a taboo, nor a subject, the question of the years does not exist between the two lovers.

“We weren't referring to our age.

It was a relationship of trust, we loved each other a lot despite our little problems, as in all couples, ”swears the young woman.

Selena must however silence her romance, her mother in particular, certain that she would disapprove of such a difference.

With others, she assumes.

But several times, she will also face comments on the age gap in her marriage.

“I always said it wasn't their problem and that I knew what I was doing.

I think I had more experience - in love and sex - than people my age.

It was a relationship in which the two of us were totally consenting, ”insists Selena, astonished at such a debate.

"Obviously that's not acceptable, a big age gap between a minor and a major, but when one of the two is not far from the majority, I really don't find it important .

"

"It doesn't seem like a huge three-year difference ..."

Emmanuelle * would have liked to agree.

Now aged 39, she remembers, sobs in her voice, her former boyfriend she met at 15 and a half.

Schooled in his high school in BTS, he is three years older than her.

"I did not go out with him right away, I was very blue flower, I was waiting for great love", she testifies.

Time passes and Emmanuelle and Laurent lose sight of each other, before a phone call, the year of her 17th birthday.

"I was very surprised because he had left the establishment to take his BTS elsewhere," recalls Emmanuelle.

The two young people in love see each other in January, February, before an intimate relationship in May.

“Things turned out weird, I had never dated anyone before while I was being courted, and I had my first intimate relationship just a few months after we met;

the hold was already there, ”smiles the young woman bitterly.

Because the idyll turns just as quickly into a nightmare.

“As early as September, it started to

smell bad

, as they say.

The denigration has flared;

he couldn't stand that I passed my exams, that I spoke to other people and that I was appreciated;

he had become possessive and sickly jealous, ”continues Emmanuelle.

It's escalation, and verbal abuse becomes physical.

Emmanuelle will remain caught in the clutches of this couple for seven years.

Today, with hindsight, she is certain that the age gap has played an insidious role in this hold.

“It doesn't seem like a huge three-year difference, but when one or the other has little or no experience, it only compounds an imbalance that already exists.

An ascendant, even if it is only three years old, can have serious consequences in a relationship when the adult person is not balanced, ”she insists.

Emmanuelle would like to go further than the current text.

The deputies set at 15 years the age below which a child is considered non-consenting for a sexual act with an adult, a threshold raised to 18 years in the event of incest.

And the Romeo and Juliet clause provides that the sanctions only apply if "the age difference between the adult and the minor (under 15 years old, editor's note) is at least five years".

"I am for a consent threshold set at 18 years for everyone, and 20 years for people with severe disabilities, with tolerance for adult / minor relationships from 17 years old and with a different age 3 years, and if the relationship is based on healthy and constructive bonds ”, advances Emmanuelle, to fight against what she calls the“ prince charming ”effect, and that the story does not turn into Shakespearean tragedy.

* First names have been changed