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Ten plagues of Egypt: This is the voyage we had to go through this year
The isolations, the masks, the toothpick that we stuffed in our noses - here are all the new blows that came into our lives in the last year and forced us to deal, with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, with not simple situations at all
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Corona
covid-19
Pesach
Walla!
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Saturday, 27 March 2021, 20:00 Updated: 20:02
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What a year it has been.
Illustration of people maintaining social distance (Photo: ShutterStock)
It's been a pretty horrible year, and it's another compliment.
12 months of closures, children at home, a close and stressful relationship, work from home, a broken back and God forbid, threatened to collapse us all.
But we came out of it with a strong hand and an inclined evil.
Now it remains to mention the 10 plagues of the past year:
1.Insulation
There is something misleading about this word, because it makes associations of something quiet and its own, even cute (maybe because it rhymes).
In practice this is a cruel and disproportionate punishment, especially if you have children.
In fact, it sounds like a proposal for a reality format: closing a family in an apartment for 14 days, with no possibility of leaving at all, with above all a danger of contracting a fatal illness, shame and guilt (in front of parents of other children, co-workers, and family members) To Corona).
The problem with this "format" is that no one will clap for you at the exit and there is no monetary prize.
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2. Corona tests
Strange people in suits approach your face.
They pull out a long, thin stick that looks a bit like an ear stick, shove it deep into your nostril, give 'fun' to your brain and get out.
A year ago this description would have looked like an episode of the forgotten alien series "Bags in the Dark", but today almost all of us have passed at least one corona test, not to mention 20, so small on us.
Who would have believed that sticking an ear toothpick in the nose would become such a natural part of our lives?
Feels so natural.
Corona test (Photo: AP)
3. Work from home
It's just like working from an office.
Just less comfortable, no lunch break, no corridor gossip and no bra.
What did we gain from this?
Less hours on the roads and in traffic jams, which is great because it gives us time to go to the orthopedist and take care of our broken back, after a year of working from the dining area.
4. Zoom
An advanced and sophisticated digital invention designed to allow you to expose your double chin in a wide distribution, which includes colleagues, employers, teaching staff and more.
5. Weight gain
You closed the Pilates studio for us, sat us down at home in front of Netflix and flooded us with the challahs and sourdough bread - what did you think would happen ?!
The inscription was on the wall.
A woman has difficulty tying her jeans (Photo: Giphy)
6. Back to natural beauty
This year we had to finally say goodbye to our maintained image.
The Corona forced us to say goodbye to a panel of professionals who helped us all maintain a social distance from our monkey origins - hair stylists, manicurists and beauticians.
No more shades, golden haircuts and smooth skin.
This night, this night, we are all rooted.
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7. Masks
Their only advantage is that they hide the mustache (see section 6). The rest of the time they dig painful canals behind our ears and are a fertile cushion for bacteria and jeeps that wade through our pores. Not to mention that they confronted us uncompromisingly with the breath. Of ourselves.
8. Discussions with vaccine opponents
There is something very cruel in the fact that the fate of us all ultimately depends on the people who believe the Gates Trail wants to implant 5G chips in their bodies.
On the one hand, we won the truly amazing gift of vaccines.
On the other hand, their effectiveness in eradicating the epidemic depends on mutual guarantee and human-social cooperation that will lead to herd immunity.
We and the vaccines it's like Moses on the summit of Mount Nebo - see the Promised Land, but instead of entering it we get a vial of liposomal vitamin C.
If the future of the human race, Fuck It, rises and falls on it, we're out.
May the God of Big Pharma help us.
Demonstration of vaccine opponents in the UK (Photo: ShutterStock)
9. Stress
First, Moshe Bar was a good sign, or in short the High School, who came up every evening during the editions to tell and remind us that the world as we knew it was over and we were all in danger of death. When he left, Dr. Sharon Elrai Price stepped into his shoes, with eyes closed and a monotonous voice said For us, "Forget about frameworks. Your children are homeschooled until further notice."
And so we all gave up our hopes and dreams, and surrendered to a life of despair.
We even got a little addicted to the bursts of adrenaline and cortisol that washed our arteries every time the on-duty representative from the Ministry of Health came to remind us that hugging Grandma is murder.
10.Couples 24/7
I do not know about you, but when we tied our destiny in the person we chose, this story of being constantly together was not the format.
A relationship is such a difficult and delicate thing in the first place, and it is really not built for loops.
Just because I love this man is a love of life, does not really mean I want to spend all my time with him.
Spouses also need separation, separation, spice.
This year we had to do the impossible and spend all our time, really all of it, with our spouses, and it was not easy.
For them too, by the way.
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