health
psychology
Behavioral Sciences
Mid-life: Why does everyone go through a crisis at 40?
Towards the age of 40 a lot of people look at their lives, and are not happy with what they see.
Some buy a new car to compensate themselves, others get a tattoo, get divorced or just drink too much.
Either way, the crisis is not going anywhere.
So what can be done to get through this existential crisis in peace?
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Age crisis 40
psychology
aging
Or Yanir
Friday, 09 April 2021, 07:11 Updated: 07:49
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One of the hardest and deepest crises in life.
Birthday cake (Photo: ShutterStock)
The 40s crisis is one of the most famous crises, and it seems to have been with us ever since.
But it was not until 1957 that a Canadian psychologist and psychoanalyst named Elliott Jacques (40 at the time, surprisingly) presented to the British Psychoanalytic Society an article in which he described a depressive phase that people go through in their mid-30s (what used to be about mid-life Because life expectancy was lower).
This stage, he described at the time, can be manifested in religious or spiritual awakening, promiscuity, inability to enjoy, hypochondriac concerns about health and appearance, and compulsive attempts to stay young.
Jacques of course was not the first to experience such a stage, nor the first to write about it, but was the first to give it a clinical explanation and especially to give it a name - "mid-life crisis".
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To the full article
The “mid-life crisis” is really not the only crisis we are experiencing.
In fact, throughout life each period has its own crisis or conflict.
Crises around birthdays, and especially around "round" birthdays (20, 30, etc.) are also not uncommon.
And yet it seems that in the fifth decade of life, between the ages of 40 and 50, something else is happening.
It seems that for some reason a large proportion of people experience this crisis as more difficult, ask themselves more questions, and sometimes experience behavioral regressions in adolescence.
To be particularly stereotypical - men buy a motorcycle, women change haircuts, and everyone does an anchor tattoo because they are the only ones who will always be there for themselves.
But what is there, at this age, perceived today as the "mid-life," that suddenly raises these questions and behaviors?
Why exactly in these years do many experience a crisis that is perceived and sometimes experienced as one of the most difficult and deep crises throughout life?
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The answer, like any answer about crises, is complex.
It has a biological and physical aspect, an existential aspect and a socio-cultural aspect, when it is almost impossible to determine which of them has a stronger influence, especially when things are related to each other.
From here it just goes down?
The physical aspect and the existential aspect are intertwined and come almost together - we begin to feel and see on our body we the "damage of time" and the changes that come with age.
It can happen at the speed of our thinking for example, and it can happen with natural physical changes - decreased fitness, decreased vision and hearing, wrinkles, hair whitening and more, in women menopause and in men a decrease in testosterone levels.
At the same time, we see our parents already grown up (not to mention old) and their physical, and often also cognitive, state shows us where we are headed - from here it only goes down (seemingly).
In other words, we are beginning to receive thick and conspicuous hints that we are merely transient, that even if we have many more years our end is approaching, and at one point or another we too will die.
It activates the existential aspect - the human anxiety about the end of life, which raises various questions about life as it is now - have we really passed the peak and henceforth there is only a decrease?
Is the peak of enjoyment of life behind us?
Are we satisfied?
Are we fulfilling ourselves?
Shouldn’t we have chosen differently along the way and thus been (supposedly) in a better place today?
Are we living the life we want or is it a life that someone else wanted for us?
Is this how we want to continue living?
Human anxiety about the end of life raises difficult questions.
Woman holding 40th birthday balloons (Photo: ShutterStock)
The cultural aspect is also activated more strongly due to the biological and physical changes.
In a society that sanctifies youth and beauty, there is no room for old age and wrinkles, and when these appear our sense of social belonging may be harmed.
In an attempt to reduce or overcome this injury, we may find ourselves preoccupied with our appearance and increasingly disturbed by it, doing different and weird diets and undergoing cosmetic treatments to try and preserve youth, at least visually.
It is important to say that in principle there is nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful, but if engaging in it comes at the expense of other things and hurts them, it is important to pay due attention to it regardless of age.
The cultural aspect has another dimension beyond appearance, and that is the degree of social support and the emphasis on values such as individuality, self-fulfillment and material success.
In a society that emphasizes such values, more people will suffer from a mid-life crisis because the individual is under greater pressure, and is therefore more likely to experience higher levels of stress and anxiety.
For example, a person may have chosen a particular life path that meets social demands and marks V for the values that society encourages, but somewhere in the middle of life he will wake up and ask himself if this is really what he wants.
The crisis comes precisely when we are at our peak
These questions of course also appear at other times in life, but it seems that in the fifth decade of life we have more time to engage with them.
This is a time when we are usually already established and not busy building ourselves professionally and / or financially, the children already need us less, can take care of themselves (at least in part) and start leaving home, and we have more time to be busy with ourselves, with questions about our lives , About our relationship and the things we want to do.
In many ways, it is precisely during this time period that we are at the peak - in terms of health, family, social and professional, but precisely this peak can lead to a feeling of flooding, doubt and fear.
Precisely when life is seemingly easier, doubt begins to seep through.
Depressed man with birthday cake (Photo: ShutterStock)
Despite this peak, some of us find ourselves as the main providers of support and care not only for children but also for parents, and the pressure exerted from different directions can increase the level of anxiety and lead to crises like divorce and chronic illness, for example.
Also economic struggles and loss experiences of those close to us are more likely to occur during the life span of the fifth decade.
Findings from studies in various fields - especially the study of happiness - consistently show that on the one hand this is the period when life satisfaction is the lowest compared to other decades, and on the other hand there is a peak in the use of antidepressants.
And so, it is no wonder that some of us are simply experiencing a deep emotional crisis.
How do you identify the 40-year-old crisis?
The mid-life crisis is not a clinical diagnosis in any way, and as such there is no list of symptoms by which a person can be diagnosed.
At the same time, this does not mean that this is not a real crisis.
The mid-life crisis is first and foremost an emotional crisis, and as such is characterized by a clear and sudden behavioral change whose salient features are changes in sleep pattern, sharp changes in mood, withdrawal from routine activities and relationships and sometimes even neglect of personal hygiene.
In addition, there may also be feelings of confusion, nervousness and restlessness, boredom, questions about the meaning of life, compulsive behaviors such as alcohol or drug consumption and emotional eating, decreased or increased libido and more.
so what are we doing?
Like any crisis, the best way to deal with it is to try to prepare for it and prevent it in advance.
But at age 20 we can not know what we want and what will satisfy us at age 45, and as the Danish philosopher Captain Kierkegaard wrote almost 200 years ago life can only be understood backwards and live only forwards.
Despite this, and thinking that the mid-life crisis is a sign that we need to start taking care of ourselves, there are things we can do.
Not a crisis, but a transition period
One of the strongest thoughts driving the mid-life crisis is the feeling that from here everything is going downhill - not only are we going to die, also never enjoy again as it was before, the climax behind us.
It may be true that as we get older and older our body will weaken and we will no longer be like at the age of 30, but that does not mean that we do not enjoy it more, only that we do not enjoy the same things.
Who said at age 60 you have to enjoy the same things?
After all, we will be a little different people, so why not love a little different things?
The studies I mentioned earlier in the field of happiness consistently show that the curve of happiness throughout life is in the form of a smile (U-curve, but less sharp) - over time there is a gradual decrease in our level of happiness, when the low point is in the fifth decade of life. , Sometimes even to higher levels than they were.
Therefore, it is worth trying and changing the point of view, and instead of a crisis, think of this period as a period of change or a period of transition.
We may have less time than we already have, but in the time we have left, do we really want to hang on to our past and youth, regret things we did or did not do and reminisce about 30 years ago, or do we better accept the changes that come with the second half of life and live it to the fullest As long as we can?
You will continue to enjoy, just different.
From the series "Men at This Age" (Photo: PR)
Maybe instead of thinking about anti-aging we should adopt pro-aging thinking - it does not mean starting to neglect ourselves and let ourselves languish, quite the opposite - it means accepting the fact (yes, fact) that life changes, that we change, adapt Ourselves to these changes and live the rest of life as we want.
If you are particularly clichéd - make every day count.
It is an opportunity to rediscover the curiosity and creativity we have built, to examine our lives, the values we live by, the things we do, and if we are not satisfied - to change them in recognition of limitations.
When there is a gap between our values and the way we live, distress develops and we are more vulnerable, we can reduce that gap.
It is not always easy to do this, and it is often worth considering counseling or treatment - whether on an emotional, couple or professional background - even if you have never done it, never too late.
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