“We spent four days… Wonderful.
In the order of the inexplicable.
"On April 4, in full first confinement, Fanny gave birth to little Haroun in the maternity ward of the Sud Francilien hospital in Corbeil-Essonnes (Essonne).
At this time, the establishment allows the presence of the husband for the delivery but Ahmed, the very young father, has orders to go as soon as the baby is born.
He will not be allowed to return until four days later, for the release of his wife and their child, towards the house.
These four days, Fanny spends them alone face to face with Haroun and the medical team who watch over them.
“To be honest, I liked it too much.
It was all so simple.
It's as if we were alone in the world and protected from anything that can be hostile, says the mother, a palpable emotion in her voice.
I am sure that having given birth in this context created this inexplicable bond with my child.
"
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The ban on visits, pronounced at the end of March by the High Authority for Health, had the effect of an earthquake for families.
“We have been saying for a long time that these visits should be stopped, but it is something very cultural in France, points out Adrien Gantois, president of the college of midwives of France.
I was already telling couples, before the health crisis, to avoid them.
I was told
yes, but if I tell my parents that, they won't understand
.
There, the excuse was found!
"
According to some post-birth comments, some parents would also have done well without these visits.
According to the advisory poll below, visits in the first few days were “not a good idea” for 68.7% of the 543 votes.
Hey the Moms Team who gave birth: at the very beginning, the 1st days (even the 1st weeks) after giving birth, the visits of friends and distant family, it was:
- DocMarmotte #Masquez VOUS (@ kyia004) January 9, 2019
Personally, I have the impression of being the only one to tell me that this is not a good idea, that mothers (and even fathers) are nazes and that we must leave room for close family when there are, "wrote the author of this post in 2019." I didn't want to be seen at all when I was loose or breastfeeding my baby ... Better to go see everyone a little later, ”replies a Twitter user.
"I was able to rest as much as possible, my baby too"
At the maternity ward, Fanny benefits on her own, "100%", from her child.
“I was able to rest as much as possible, my baby too,” recalls the mother.
And for good reason, the traditional visits often disturb the sleep of the newborn.
“Usually babies sleep in the afternoon, and the absence of visits allows them to adapt to their rhythm,” explains Adrien Gantois.
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"If there had been visitors, I would have tried to dress myself, to make myself beautiful ... I do not see how I would have done, that would have got me drunk", confides bluntly Eléonore, the mother. de Nausicaä, born on March 5.
The one who describes a "super intense" moment with her daughter had agreed in advance with her husband about their organization.
"Since Leo is breastfeeding, it was better that I rest at night to take over during the day", adds Martin, the young dad.
If she does not recover in the afternoon, the nights are more difficult for the mother, which generates more stress.
And without a visit, there is no need to try at all costs to look good.
“That day, you don't want to dress up in the bathroom, just enjoy yourself,” says Fanny.
In the cradle, no more anxiety on the horizon.
“Haroun was not at all stressed, moreover he made his nights very quickly, notes Fanny.
When I went to have a first bath with a nursery nurse, she told me that she had never seen so many babies so calm.
"
New technologies to compensate
When leaving the hospital, "I admit", smiles Fanny, "I still wanted to take advantage of my child, but at three this time, so that the dad could realize in his turn".
Then begins a new suspended moment, but in trio.
This step, Yvan and Anastasia were able to experience it from the hospital in Valence, where the young mother gave birth to Antoine on December 13th.
"Yvan could come as he wanted, go out to declare the birth at the town hall, go shopping, and stay the night with me, even if the bunk was not comfortable," says Anastasia, who also confides in having "taken advantage of the maximum of these three days in the hospital ”.
"This is our first child, we didn't know how to do anything," smiles the mother.
During the visits, the couple drink advice from health professionals.
“It was three days of learning, of observation, with an exceptional staff.
It was very reassuring.
"
To overcome the ban on visits, Yvan and Anastasia are increasing the number of videos they send to their loved ones in the process, and video calls to introduce Antoine to their world.
Here again, videoconferencing allows them not to embarrass themselves in front of relatives who, sometimes, go on forever without realizing it.
"On video, it was easier to say
I have to let you remind you later
than to politely push people out of the room," smiles the mother.
The interest of new technologies puts a little balm in the heart of the absent relatives.
“Today, unlike the days of our parents, we have the phone that makes a camera, that's a real plus,” says Martin, Nausicaä's dad.
We made a Google photo on which everyone can see the pictures we took of the little one ”.
And not to miss a beat, his wife immortalized one of their daughter's first baths on video.
A meeting with the grandparents ... two months later
In Valence (Drôme), the stay at the maternity hospital passes at lightning speed, but Anastasia and Yvan had agreed upstream: no visit before Christmas.
“We finally waited two weeks to find the family, it was right on time for the holidays,” says Anastasia.
Enough to make this period a little more magical.
In Corbeil-Essonnes (Essonne), we push the moment of grace until… Two months after the birth of Haroun.
"In fact what saved us was total confinement," Fanny sums up.
No visit for 60 days.
My parents saw their grandson for Mother's Day, June 7th.
I tell it with a smile from ear to ear, but my mother had a very bad experience, she says.
She saw her grandson on video, but it was not the same.
"
This time the prohibited nature of the visits simplifies the process.
“If it hadn't been forbidden, I would have had a hard time asking my relatives not to come,” recognizes Éléonore.
In a way, that made it easier for us.
Nausicaä's mother, far from feeling guilty, saw her opinion supported by her own mother.
"She told me that in retrospect, when I was born, she had not especially loved having the four grandparents in her room the day after a difficult childbirth," says the young woman.
"Your motherhood is yours"
For her part, Fanny is sure of it, the absence of a third person to tell her what to do has enabled her to assume her role as mother more quickly.
“When a woman gives birth and someone comes to tell her what to do, it's hard to live with,” adds midwife Adrien Gantois.
Becoming a mother is just feeling, you don't necessarily want to hear the injunctions.
When someone has a child, we immediately tell about their own childbirth:
Me it was as if, like that
,
You know at the time we didn't have if
,
We stayed x days in the maternity ward
... Basically, it's everyone's experience that counts.
"
No visits, no comparisons.
“In fact, your motherhood belongs to you,” sums up Fanny.
You are immersed in the bath right away, it's obvious, instinct takes over.
For her, this happiness of maternity reduced to parents and babies must continue beyond the health crisis.
“The maternity hospitals have to say ok for the visits, but 10 minutes per person!
"
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If she talks freely about it with friends who gave birth like her in the midst of a pandemic, Fanny admits to having felt a certain embarrassment in feeling this “need for someone” once her baby was born.
“It's not very admirable, especially with the family,” she says.
Yet when I talk about it, many mothers who have older children tell me.
Finally, we too would have preferred not to have visitors
.
"
Perhaps one day the question of having a second child will arise for Fanny.
“This tête-à-tête was such a joy ... If I had to do it again, I would do exactly the same thing.
"
