This is what kids need to grow up to be adults Sabba - Walla! health

2021-06-05T19:35:36.166Z

We all want our children to grow up to be independent and confident adults, good people, the kind we would like to be friends with. But how do you do that? Here are the first steps

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parenthood

This is what children need in order to grow up to be adults

We all want our children to grow up to be independent and self-confident adults, good and happy people, the kind we would like to be their friends.

But how do you do that?

Here are 8 steps on the way to this very important direction

This is how you will raise children who believe in true equality

To the full article

Now that the security situation is calm, there are signs of unity, and the epidemic is fading, we paused to gather from the things we learned this year, the things children really need to grow to be independent and self-confident adults, so that together we can create a better place to live:

1. Love Unconditionally

most parents will testify that they love their children, but sometimes, unintentionally, they use criticism as a way of education, conveying judgment or setting too high or unrealistic expectations.

All of these, create in our children a feeling that there are conditions for love, and only if they meet the expectations and demands of the family will they be accepted and be a part of it.

Knowing that I am loved is an integral part of my sense of belonging, first to family and then to community and society, and is critical to further development.

Even when they are non.

Father hugs his daughter (Photo: ShutterStock)

2. Choice

It is easier for us to make choices for our children and "decide on them", but in order to train them to make decisions for themselves and place them at the starting point in the journey towards independence, it is better to give them the right to choose from a young age. , Which circle is more suitable for you and which shirt you will wear tomorrow).

There is not always a right choice, but if you let the child choose for himself and also deal with the consequences - he knew how to perfect this skill and take responsibility for the result.

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The boundaries of

our children definitely need the authority to know how to lead, lead and train them. However, many times out of a desire to show them the way, we choose an authoritarian approach, based on the power and undisputed status of the parent. To find the golden path, the Adlerian approach proposes to formulate parental authority, to be for our children an example and model, to train them in the various stages of development, to give place to the child's personal expression, but at the same time to set boundaries.

The boundaries must be few, clear and known in advance, and based on the family values we have chosen to assimilate and in accordance with general social logic. Once the child understands the logic behind each boundary you set, he will consistently practice it with you, and know in advance what will happen if you cross it - he will internalize it and it will be part of his value compass.

4. Ways of promoting education

There is a big gap between the way most of us grow up and the more egalitarian way we want to raise our children, and this gap mixes with the abundance of opinions and currents in parenting.

It turns out that quite a few parents find themselves standing helpless in front of their children.

In order to find out from all the educational options that are on the shelf the one that will empower you, buy you a good relationship with your children and raise them to be able, capable and have a good sense of value - I recommend aiming for cooperation.

The very feeling of being seen (but not all the time and not too much), consulting with me, sharing me and asking me for help - will make the child feel contributing, helpful, meaningful and belonging.

Ask your child for help sometimes, it's empowering.

Child cleans (Photo: ShutterStock)

Dealing with Frustration

We are all disappointed, hurt and

faced with

gaps between what is desired and what is present.

It is not simple, and sometimes, as parents, we feel like diverting these stones from our children’s path and paving for them a smoother and more comfortable path than the one we walk on.

What's more, when our child is frustrated, and especially if he is not used to it, it is very uncomfortable and noticeable throughout the house (or the mall / restaurant / car).

To teach our child to deal with age-appropriate frustrations, we must believe that they help develop his self-image, be able to contain his emotion, even if it is unpleasant, and teach him that even if every emotion is acceptable in our family, not every behavior is acceptable to us.

If you want to help the child grow and not just quiet the moment, give him a safety net and put a ladder for him, if necessary, but trust him where possible and let him climb alone.

The frustration will probably come but it will be followed by a greater sense of success.

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6. Self-regulation The

Adlerian approach sees encouragement in general, and the encouragement of children in particular, as a basic psychological food that is essential for the development of our value and self-confidence.

Ultimately, the idea is that the child will reach a state of self-regulation, in which he will not need our external refueling but will know how to examine his behavior according to the values and reinforcements he received at home and judge it by the similarity between social logic and private logic.

'If in early childhood, you instill in me the values that are important to you, give me a model and example, help me understand my personal interpretation and transfer to me slowly and gradually responsibilities in all sorts of areas - I can recognize my abilities and take it in full force.

As well as knowing for yourself when I made a mistake or a wrong choice without being reprimanded. '

Your children see the world differently from you.

Girl and boy (Photo: ShutterStock)

7. Perspective

Although children look at us, the adults, and learn mostly from our actions (and not necessarily from the words we tell them), they also have their own perspective on the world. It crystallizes up to the age of 10 at most and in late adolescence undergoes a kind of further examination and polishing towards the formation of identity. This perception is personal and it is important that we take it into account when we have a dialogue or debate, marvel at one decision or another of theirs or try unsuccessfully to understand their reaction to a particular event.

Remember that even though this is your child, who in some ways resembles you, acts according to the values that are important to you (usually) - he sees the world a little differently from each of you, and has different preferences in all sorts of areas. If we talk about the subjective perception openly, we give everyone a place to express ourselves and have a respectful conversation - we can better understand each other.

8. Socialization

Our life missions and their fulfillment are not only part of our personal development, but involve our reciprocity and affinity with society, and it is this that enables us to overcome through natural disasters, wars and even epidemics.

In order for our children to be able to integrate best in the world, everything we teach them in the first social field, that is, at home - it should be integrated with the codes and norms of society and while caring for others.

If you are involved, help a neighbor or grandfather, take care of the hungry street cat or a chick that fell from the nest, pick up a bag that someone threw and stop to ask the neighbor how she is, their child will also grow up to be connected to his environment, feel social and involved in community life.

Keren Artzi is a parent facilitator and certified family of the Adler Institute

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Source: walla

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