The statistics of sexist violence only show the tip of a huge iceberg. Since the cases began to be counted in an official statistic in 2003, 1,106 women have been murdered by their partners or ex-partners, 28 of them so far this year. And to this shameful figure has been added the death of 40 children murdered at the hands of their parents (Anna, who disappeared in Tenerife with her sister Olivia and whose body has not yet been found, is not counted) and 310 orphaned minors since 2013 (according to data as of the end of May from the Government Delegation). Around all of them there are other victims who have to live with the loss of their sister, their daughter, their aunt, their sister-in-law or their daughter-in-law, and they all know what pain, fear and rejection are.
Luz Marina Rodríguez, sister of Guacimara,
Guaci
, whom her ex-partner, José Miguel Mendoza, stabbed to death on February 20, 2013 explains it graphically: “I always say that the damage is like a limpet bomb that expands and makes all the family sinks.
We were very close and something changed forever.
You are not the same person again and you have to learn to live with pain and anger, and it is very difficult ”.
Joshua Alonso was 25 years old when his mother, María José Mateo,
Sesé
, died in 2017 due to the gas explosion caused by her ex-partner, Emilio FC, and which caused the death of both.
She was 50 years old.
“
Shock
comes first
,” he
explains
, “
then I was crying for weeks around the corners. It is something that is never overcome ”. Alonso assures that "he will always miss his mother -" my friend, my confidant "-, whom I thought would be by his side" for a long time. " As in the previous case, the murder affected the whole family: “We were very scattered; Getting back together is a tough process that needs to be worked on and involves understanding other people's feelings. It is devastating because there are many memories. But I cannot change what happened, and I can try to change what I have around me ”.
Rodríguez and Alonso live almost 2,135 kilometers apart, which separate the cities of Tenerife and the town of Redondela in Pontevedra. Both share the impact of the loss, the need to overcome grief to care for the minors - nephews and brother, respectively - who were orphaned when their respective fathers decided to murder their mothers. They also share the perplexity at the bureaucratic obstacles that multiplied their anguish in the midst of the chaos caused by the loss.
Alonso, who is now 30 years old, has to stop and take a deep breath to hold back the tears: “That day they called me on the phone and told me that the house was on fire.
I called my mother, I called him, the father's family [he never uses his name].
When I got home and saw her car I thought, 'He killed her.
My priority was my brother.
He was eight years old.
From the first moment it was clear to me that I would take care of him.
The hardest thing I have ever faced is having to tell her that her father had killed our mother.
I do not wish it to anyone.
He didn't tell me anything, he just understood what he had seen in the media. "
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Neither Alonso nor Rodríguez detected the latent signs of psychological violence that never amounted to physical abuse. "He had never physically assaulted her," Rodríguez says of the relationship between her sister and her murderer. “They were together since they were 14 or 15 years old and you normalize attitudes that you later understand differently. We did not see psychological violence, which is what you have to work on. The last thing Guaci told me
the day before he killed her it was: 'Oh sister, I am in the happiest moment of my life ”. The next morning her ex-partner waited for her on the landing of the stairs of her mother-in-law's house, where she had lived with her two children since they separated, and assaulted her from behind in the presence of the children, aged eight and five. . After stabbing her, he went downstairs smoking a cigar while telling them that he had killed the neighbors who had come out upon hearing the screams.
Alonso tells a similar story: “My mother was a feminist woman, he never attacked her, but later you realize the comments and attitudes that we live and that we all socially normalize. She had many health problems and when he killed her she had just overcome breast cancer. He saw her happy again and at that moment he decided to assassinate her, blow everything up, burn down the house, which is like one more cruelty. He wanted everything to disappear without thinking about his family ”.
The next day another ordeal began for the families of the murdered: legally solving the situation of the orphaned minors, channeling the multitude of procedures on which no one reports. The institutional condolences of the first days give way to a bureaucratic labyrinth that must be faced in the middle of a psychological crisis and in the administrations there is no marked path to mitigate it. “For example,” Alonso explains, “since I was of legal age when my mother was killed, I am not considered a victim. A murdered person and another who committed suicide have contracts, cards, debts arrive, inheritance taxes, declarations of heirs, guardianship of the minor, know what help you can ask for, request a child's pension, hire several lawyers,because I and my brother entered into a conflict of interest since he is the only heir to the murderer and they understand that I can claim the damage he did to us in the house ... The psychological support I received was five sessions by phone and then 15 minutes every nine months to speak with a psychologist who tells me that I am griefing very well, ”he says wryly. “My brother was psychologically cured and can have the same opportunities as any other child thanks to the support of the Soledad Cazorla Scholarship Fund. Children are superior to adults, they have a heart and brain different from ours, they immediately opened up to love.The psychological support that I received was five sessions by phone and then 15 minutes every nine months to speak with a psychologist who tells me that I have been griefing very well, ”he says wryly. “My brother was psychologically cured and can have the same opportunities as any other child thanks to the support of the Soledad Cazorla Scholarship Fund. Children are superior to adults, they have a heart and brain different from ours, they immediately opened up to love.The psychological support that I received was five sessions by phone and then 15 minutes every nine months to speak with a psychologist who tells me that I have been griefing very well, ”he says wryly. “My brother was psychologically cured and can have the same opportunities as any other child thanks to the support of the Soledad Cazorla Scholarship Fund. Children are superior to adults, they have a heart and brain different from ours, they immediately opened up to love.
Luz Marina Rodríguez, Guacimara's sister, murdered in 2013 by her ex-partner Rafael Avero
Rodríguez and his brothers went through the same thing: “Your sister has died, her partner is in jail, but there are two children. The first thing was to go to the General Directorate of Minors and our surprise was capitalized when they told us that for custody we had to speak with the father, for visits we had to speak with the father ... Excuse me? We had to make an appointment with the judge to obtain the withdrawal of provisional parental authority until the trial was held. It took them almost eight months to formalize the custody of the children, but at that time they do not have a legal guardian to change schools, get their ID or sign documents if they get bad. You have to tell the case everywhere you go, remember it; Some exaggerate their reaction, others do not have a drop of empathy,you are in the hands of the goodwill of the people you meet because there are no protocols for action ”.
There is nothing to be ashamed of, but it has been difficult to find children or relatives willing to talk about what happened when sexist violence blew up their lives. Alonso argues: “I give you the answer right now why: in my case he is dead. I do not feel dangerous to speak, but many families live in fear because they are not protected. The whole family is a victim. If he were alive, I might have to let him see the boy and I would have to take my brother to the psychologist to prepare him for those visits. I swear I miss my mother very much, I keep texting her, but imagine what it must be like for my brother, who is his father. I also tell you that the paternal family are charming people, they are not to blame for anything and I think they also feel abandoned because society is very unpleasant.In these cases, we are all victims ”.
Alonso and Rodríguez have championed associations and movements aimed at fighting against sexist violence and helping its victims. Alonso, who worked in the computer support of a company, is studying a higher cycle to promote gender equality: "To remove that stigma as an orphan and to be able to explain how machismo can spoil your life when we would all live happier in equality." Rodríguez continues to be a hospital social worker, but she is very involved in the fight against sexist violence and in the measures aimed at orphans: “No one can deny me what we have experienced. You detect gaps and details that the people who deal with these issues do not control and it makes you angry that they do not ask you to make a protocol ”.
In the same direction goes the effort Alonso: "What I'm trying to
get is an accompaniment figure is believed from social or services, municipalities
concellos
, a physical figure that when a male murder occurs call you and tell you: 'You can go through the duel, don't worry, I'm going to stop all your fringes and I'm going to manage everything. ' With the
Redondela
council
, I am creating a protocol of action when there are orphans and orphans of sexist violence, so that all this that I have experienced is written up and can be applied at the Galician and national level if you want ”.
Alonso and Rodríguez recounted in May 2018 their tortuous path in the Senate. Alonso said then torn: “I feel abandoned. My 10-year-old brother is abandoned. Our family has suffered the worst of blows. I have had to knock on a maze of doors to solve a thousand and one procedures with the financial outlay that they entail ... I am 26 years old! ”. Three years later, progress in resolving the obstacles faced by the families of women killed by sexist violence remains small. Alonso and Rodríguez have not yet resolved issues related to the properties of their mother and sister. They continue to feel "invisible" and "abandoned to their fate", as Alonso said then in front of the senators. But one and the other do not stop,the memory of his mother and sister have become the engine of a struggle that is also that of many.
Aids and private struggles for a public and social problem
February 2021 marked the fifth year of activity of the Soledad Cazorla Prosecutor's Scholarship Fund, an initiative promoted by the family of the first Chamber Prosecutor against gender violence of the State Attorney General's Office, and which is developed and managed through of the Women Foundation. A fund whose objective is to financially support and accompany families who are forced to raise the sons and daughters of women murdered by gender violence in Spain. The destination of these grants is focused on covering expenses related to education, school reinforcement activities, psychological support, and university studies or professional training for adults.But they also guide with their experience these relatives who are lost after the murder of a woman due to gender violence and claim and support proposals aimed at supporting orphans and achieving their recovery.
In March 2019, Law 3/2019 came into force, which improves the orphan situation of the daughters and sons of victims of gender violence. Among its achievements is the creation of an orphan's benefit for those minors who are not entitled to a pension of this type due to lack of contributions from their mothers. But there is still a long way to go and these associations emphasize the lack of information and expertise on this matter and how it affects the recovery of orphans. They ask for the creation of informative guides aimed at families and the professional fields involved and also to generate training content integrated into the preparation of professionals who intervene in procedures related to gender violence and the care and protection of victims.
They also propose legislative changes that affect the transfer of goods and compensation to victims, the management of aid or the situation of helplessness in which orphans whose fathers are not the aggressors of their mothers are left. A spokeswoman for the Scholarship Fund affirms: "We have been growing because of families and families are the ones who teach us. They were the ones through which we realized that they needed guides along the way and we created a legal office that helps them to clarify and accompanies them and informs them of procedures when they are lost. "