Enlarge image
Footballer Kruse proposing marriage at the Olympic Games: Everything that is made public becomes publicly vulnerable.
Photo: ARD / Sportschau / dpa
The motto of the Olympic Games in Tokyo is »Unity in Diversity« and that seems somehow ironic, because so far the Games have presented themselves as a kind of sad musical on global controversial topics. We had discussions about pressure to perform in competitive sports, about racism in cycling, about the question of how women should pack their bodies (so far in the variants “cool statement” or “fine for being too unsexy”). About who can compete as a woman. About the purpose of this whole event in general. In addition, there were at least two problems with anti-Semitism and one with misogyny. And then there is the matter with Belarus. And Corona anyway.
You could almost overlook the fact that in addition to all the anger, there was another phenomenon at the Olympic Games: two public marriage proposals.
Soccer player Max Kruse knelt in front of the camera: "Yes, honey, we've been together for a few months now, actually almost a year, and, yes, it was a great time ..." - and so on.
And then there was the Argentine saber fencer Maria Belen Perez Maurice, who was surprised in front of the camera by her trainer and partner with a note on which the question was written.
Both women said "yes".
Finally something nice between all the unpleasant things, one could say.
Or one asks oneself what this is all about with the public marriage proposals.
WTF and cui bono?
Patriarchy again?
Both Olympic marriage proposals had something peculiar about them, because on the first the woman belonging to them wasn't even there, that's kind of ... weird, isn't it?
And the second one found out in the reports that the fencing trainer had proposed to his girlfriend before, but she didn't want to.
And now it is.
Hmmmm.
I can imagine what my loyal readers will say now, namely: Why does Stokowski have to complain about everything, is she jealous?
Why is she not happy as a normal person, why is there patriarchy again here?
Wait, I haven't said anything about patriarchy yet, but of course it is noticeable that public marriage proposals usually work like this: a man surprises a woman, the woman holds her hands in front of her face, laughing and crying, a second of tension, then she says "yes", long kiss, everyone claps. Cool. But what if not? What if she doesn't really want to? Or only under certain conditions? And above all: Why does it have to be public, in front of live cameras?
What speaks against it, one might ask.
Asked back: what speaks for it?
Nothing!
Public marriage proposals are usually saved under the category "romantic surprise" and we go on, but: Public marriage proposals are the opposite of romance.
And the opposite of "romantic" is: cheeky, just sacky.
Keyword surprise, keyword manipulation, keyword pressure of the public.
What's nice about it?
That a person has to make a life-changing decision under the gaze of a thousand eyes?
The choreography is pretty fixed, there isn't that much room for maneuver.
It may be that everyone involved is happy in the end.
Clear.
But it can also be that it is a questionable celebrity cultural technique, which - thanks to cell phone cameras, thanks to the Internet - is also played out by private individuals and everything about it is questionable.
Apart from the fact that the variant "man kneels down in front of woman" often looks like a caricature in an advertisement for heterosexuality, but okay.
The Internet is full of videos that are called "the most beautiful / romantic marriage proposal of all time", most of them are semi-professional videos in which a nervous, clumsy man stands between heart balloons and the woman starts to cry even before the question is asked few touched friends who film with their cell phones, although everything is filmed anyway, and somehow you feel sorry for everyone at the same time.
Cringe.
The question is: what about a marriage proposal gets better when it's open to the public? Is it that the narcissism of the questioning person is being satisfied who can still get a few likes? Or is it about advertising revenue, because yes, quite a few of these videos contain advertising? Does it feel that a moment becomes more real when it is filmed and strangers can still see it years later on the internet?
I would like a study: How many public marriage proposals are accepted and how many are rejected, compared to private proposals? And: how long do these marriages last and how happy are they? People who have to make such an intimate relationship moment into an event themselves may be really interested in an eternal love relationship and have simply chosen this form for themselves, but they may also mix up a few things.
Are you making the marriage proposal to take your relationship to a new level, or is there something else that might not really belong there?
Create a moment of mediocre entertainment for the audience?
Presenting yourself as particularly romantic for people who are not part of the relationship?
And above all: What if the person in question would have preferred to experience this moment without a few million viewers?
Of marriage proposals and affairs
Everything that is made public also becomes publicly vulnerable.
The newly engaged soccer player Max Kruse was able to experience that directly, because shortly after the public application, a model spoke up and said that she had had an affair with Kruse, that he had cheated on his fiancée Dilara.
"Unfortunately, after leaving the Olympic Games, I have to comment directly on a private topic," Kruse then wrote in his Instagram story, saying that the cheating was not true.
"Friend Dilara marked Kruse's post on Instagram with a red heart," reports the editorial network Germany.
Is it anything to do with us?
No.
Is it strange when you "unfortunately ... have to" comment on a private topic "after presenting your private topic in front of live cameras?
I'm not saying anything.
It's not like you have to keep an engagement a secret.
Weddings are a trend, everything should be perfect, okay - but how perfect is it when you bring in the whole world from the start?
If you want to share the joy of the relationship, you can also stand up as a couple and say: people, we want to get married.
It doesn't happen that way in Disney films, but why not?
Then it would be at least a little more certain that both really want exactly that and nothing else.