They break up when things get serious or do not even get involved in partnerships: relationship phobics.
The right strategy helps to correctly assess those affected.
There are all sorts of fears: arachnophobia stands for the fear of spiders, agoraphobia for claustrophobia or necrophobia - the fear of death or of dead things.
And some people fear relationships too.
Relationship phobics cannot get involved in a partnership - and are often not only in their own way.
Even those who fall in love with someone with attachment anxiety face a major challenge.
But there are ways in which it can work out anyway.
Typical for fear of attachment: Escape to work, illness or infidelity
Fear of attachment does not hit people overnight: "
The disorder can arise if you have been very hurt in a previous relationship,
" quotes the Spiegel psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl.
Usually, however, it is formed in the first two years of life.
"So it sits very deep," said the expert.
Typical for people with fear of commitment
:
cool and dismissive behavior towards the partner
Responsibility and obligations in a relationship are rejected
On-off relationships
The partner's expectations are felt to be very restrictive and trigger reflexes to flee
Affected people take refuge in work, hobby, illness or infidelity in order to distance themselves from their partner
Also read
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This trait breaks relationships - do you have it too
?
"A relationship with an attachment phobic only has a chance if you stop holding on to it"
People with attachment phobia are usually very afraid of being abandoned or disappointed.
Accordingly, they do not enter into a relationship at all and keep people at a distance so that this danger is averted.
Because whoever does not have a relationship cannot be abandoned or hurt by the partner
.
According to Doris Wolf, most of those affected would not seek help: "People who have fear of commitment rarely come into therapy. They do not see themselves as disturbed".
In the video: That could be why you're an all-time single
Even if the term does not suggest it: Many relationship phobics have relationships * - often in the form of long-distance relationships or affairs. But marriages are also possible.
For the partner, this often means that they have to struggle with their partner's closeness-distance problems
: The relationship phobic closes, the partner clings all the more. "A relationship with an attachment phobic has only a chance if you stop holding on to it," said psychotherapist Stahl, according to Der Spiegel. Only when you can let the phobic person go, he is no longer afraid of constriction. A partner who is not insightful will never be able to love properly, and affected partners should be aware of this. "But if he is willing to work on himself, there is a chance of healing," says Stahl.*
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