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"I was on my way to euthanasia": 4 men speak boldly about depression

For men, talking about mental struggles and depression is still taboo.

Four brave men break through this barrier and speak candidly about the destruction that severe depression has sown in their lives

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• depression

• Mental Illness

• Antidepressants

• psychiatry

Walla!

health

Monday, 05 July 2021, 13:28 Updated: Friday, 20 August 2021, 08:03

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Although in recent years the social discourse on mental coping and depression has become more inclusive, it has not yet reached its end point - there is still room for improvement, and in some areas more than others.

For example, among men a discourse on psychological treatment, mental illness and mental coping is still considered taboo for many.

Men may no longer cry at night, but they also do not really feel free to talk about their feelings, difficulties and weaknesses.

This is despite the fact that they suffer no less from depression.

This distorted picture is being corrected by four men, who bravely reveal their daily struggle with major depression (durable depression).

These are their stories in their own words:

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Robin, 57, married and a father of two, from Kiryat Ono

"About two years ago I started the process of euthanasia in Switzerland. For me, death was two better degrees than how I felt. I prayed and wished I would not get up in the morning. The mental anguish, sadness and emptiness took over and I felt unable to lead to the things I enjoyed.

24 years I deal with depression After experiencing loneliness and life events that did not go well with me. It is not sadness and those who do not experience the feeling, can not imagine the feeling, depression is a pain and deep anguish in the soul that can not be dealt with. Can not function and certainly can not have sex. The depression fell on me. When I close my eyes, I experience nightmares, open my eyes and do not want to be in this world. The bad thoughts torture the soul. There is no hope, I do not want to see people. I have hands and feet, I "I look fine, but I can not get out of bed. I do not eat, I do not drink, I do not talk to anyone, I just look at the ceiling."

"When I close my eyes, I experience nightmares, open my eyes and do not want to be in this world."

Depression, illustration (Photo: ShutterStock)

"I tried everything to get rid of the depression, and turned every stone to find a cure. I used 25 types of medication and enjoyed only side effects. I was also in mindfulness workshops, dynamic groups, psychotherapy, 20 electric shock treatments, nothing helped. The depression completely undermined. "My life. My children unfortunately do not see me as an authority and my wife wants a break. I have not worked for at least 3 years, and I wanted to die."

Today, fortunately he has already found a treatment that helps him.

"23 minutes after the first treatment I felt the depression trampled, like a blind man who had not seen for years. The air became sweeter, the sky blue and the flowers fragrant. There is hot water in the tap, I have a head to think, I have two legs and two hands, there is sex. The pain stopped and I released Terrible suffering. I appreciate everything and feel I have the talent and potential for great happiness, as a hobby, I started a humor group on Facebook shortly before receiving the treatment called "Just Laughter". There are more than 2400 members in the group. I really enjoy writing jokes, editing videos And design graphics for my enjoyment. "

Alon (pseudonym), 70, widower, father of four and grandfather of three from Tel Aviv

"The depression struck me after the military. I first dealt with post-trauma from the military and later I was widowed by my wife and raised my young children alone. I was only concerned with this and not myself and received psychiatric treatment, mostly pills. Blue in depression, pretense is a significant part of my life. "The stage when in fact I prefer to be in the audience. It is very tiring, the head does not stop working. At work I would wait for the moment for a meeting to end before it started. I suffered from fears, attention and concentration problems, physical problems in the digestive system. There were many times I did not get out of bed."

"There's no kind of treatment or medication that hasn't been tried on me."

A man taking a pill (Photo: ShutterStock)

"I drew the strength to cope at first from living together with the woman I was widowed by. Then I drew the strength from my children, and from the promise I would give them a good future. Even after they grew up I continued to take responsibility for my survival and avoided thinking about suicide. I did not want to punish my children for such an act. This one I fought. I always tried to flood the positive, even though the negative is more there.

There is no kind of treatment or medication that was not tried on me, like bandages and a helmet with electromagnetic treatment that cost thousands of shekels, and yet I continued to suffer. About two years ago I decided to stop all pills. To find that I felt the same way with and without the medication, and that the treatments did not help me. "

Liron, 62, is divorced and the father of three from Yehud

"When I was 29 I had two fathers. My biological father died of a heart attack, 5 years later the spiritual father who raised me committed suicide. To deal with the situation and to escape my troubles, I drank alcohol every day. I owned a pub and banquet hall and the liquor was Some of me even before I got depressed. Somehow I managed to function at weekend parties while drinking, and so I went on for about two years until I went to psychiatric treatment.

At that time my two children were small and I felt I lived only for them - they were my life, but for myself I had no desire Or a taste for life.I stopped living, stopped working, broke off relationships with people, was afraid to do things, and when you do nothing this is what life looks like, with constant neglect of home, car, taxes. Today he is 7. But a relationship does not work so well if one of the parties is me. "

"A relationship doesn't work so well if one of the parties is me."

Gip depression (Photo: Giphy)

"The treatments I received included 6-7 psychiatric pills a day, medical weed that helps me sleep, and psychological treatments that didn't help. There were medications that helped for a while but after about 30 years of taking pills, at some point nothing helped and I got depression at a completely different depth, until the situation had thoughts terminal.

Six months ago, my doctor told me that she had no more bullets for me and offered me two options: Electroconvulsive therapy or new drug, and I decided I was interested in medicine. suicidal thoughts at the end, the last purchases in the life and letters from children immediately after "The first treatment I felt a movement for the better. Suddenly the hard thoughts went away from him, I started to breathe and see the future."

Gili, 51, is married and a father of three

"When I was 12 my friend died following a failed operation. Until that moment I had an innocent childhood with no fears of death or disease, and I was only concerned with growing up, playing and having fun. After the incident, they did not talk to me about what happened and dealt alone with the friend's death. I started having difficulty breathing and migraines that got worse with adolescence and spoiled my sleep. I haven't slept since.

For a long time I lived in denial. Gradually my personality changed. I became more shy and cautious, and on the other hand I became funny. And I failed 9 driving tests. Shortly before the army I complained to my parents that I could not fall asleep and they took me to the Technion's sleep lab. At the same time I went to a sleep specialist psychologist. They all focused on the physical indicators of my condition. She would jump in. In retrospect, it turned out that the problem I was suffering from was post-trauma and anxiety about life.

I continued to experience life without sleep and in constant fatigue: military, permanent, academic studies, work, friendships, marriage, children.

By the age of 40 I was experiencing a lot of anxieties, cesarean births, breast cancer that my wife was dealing with.

"Without noticing something, it accumulated and accumulated inside me, and after my wife recovered from breast cancer, my existential pressure decreased, and then with the combination of fertile medical ground, the depression broke out."

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"Suddenly something inside me was not quiet and calm, with a very great sense of fear. I had a hard time believing that I felt that way. I did not function properly and tried to convey business as usual. I tried to ward off the hard feelings and go on with life as usual, but the grief continued to develop. I ate nothing and lost weight fast. After a while I did not function as a husband, somehow I was able to function as a father, and at work I am fortunately independent. I turned to a psychiatrist who gave me a pill that made me feel very bad. The side effects were terrible and even worse "I started to feel reasonable, but not 100 percent. Later, I was changed to medication every year or two, until at some point the treatment stopped working. Even with the treatments, I constantly suffered from lack of sleep, anxiety and sadness that accompanied me."

Everyone focused on the physical indicators of my condition, in retrospect it turned out that I suffered from post-trauma. "A frustrated man (Photo: ShutterStock)

"One of the things that bothered me the most was that I did not control myself, and could not solve the problem for myself: how could it be that I could not fix myself as I fixed everything else in my life, with all the difficulty and pain? I tried the wisdom of Kabbalah and meditation that helped in a way Partly. Three years ago my condition deteriorated greatly at really frightening intensities: earthquake and tsunami together. And to spend more money.To save myself I turned to magnet therapy at a psychiatric institute, oxygen therapy, special herbal mixtures, psychotherapy, intensive conversations with a common rabbi.The depression only deepened.I had thoughts of how to quit the business, I did not function at all and my wife suffered greatly. I ate nothing and lost 20 pounds. Later I also learned mindfulness and self-compassion, and felt I was slowing down a bit with slight improvements and light at the end of the tunnel.All the treatments cost a lot of money, and at the same time I had big losses at work.

Today the stone that sits in my soul moves a little and I see the light.

For the first time since the age of 15, I manage to fall asleep, I enjoy sports and relationships with my wife, initiating and doing. "

There are millions of other people who suffer like this

These hard testimonies are just 4 votes out of millions of people suffering from depression. Depression is divided into different types, depending on the duration of the disease and the intensity of the symptoms: minor depression or major depression, short or prolonged and more.

"More than 300 million people worldwide, of all ages, suffer from major depression, the most common psychiatric diagnosis associated with suicide," explains Dr. Bonzel Michael, director of the mental health clinic at Maayan Hayeshua Medical Center. "Depression is characterized by a bad mood. Or sadness, low energy and fatigue, inability to concentrate, abnormal sleep and eating patterns, guilt, suicidal thoughts and inability to experience pleasure. Depression affects employment, education, and relationships. "Some patients with depression are unable to work, study and maintain healthy relationships and effective communication."

Dr. Bonzel explains that depression becomes persistent when contestants do not experience a benefit following the medication they receive, for a month and a half to two months. "Unfortunately many patients with major depression do not respond to treatment," he says, "between 40-50 percent of patients Respond to the first treatment they receive.

In the second treatment the effect decreases to 30 percent, in the third treatment the effect decreases to 16-17 percent.

At this point we need to be creative and find solutions.

"" It is important to know that many people with depression experience shame, because of the negative image of the disease.

The negative stigma prevents some patients from seeking treatment, in a way that may prolong the duration of the disease, worsen the symptoms, and cause further harm to the patient.

Durable depression is not a depression that goes away on its own, so my recommendation is to seek medical treatment. "

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