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Early Childhood Fears: Why Do They Awaken and How to Respond to Them?

Fear of the dark, repulsion from loud noises and a disturbing monster hiding under the bed - what should you tell a toddler who tells you he is scared?

An expert explains

Tags

• parenthood

• Fears

• Toddlers

• Babies

Daniel Sarantsky, Jama app, in collaboration with JAMA

Monday, 30 August 2021, 07:08

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Again the boy ran to you in a panic because he heard a frightening noise?

Even tonight turning off the light in the room led to crying and claiming that the darkness is scary and there is a monster under the bed?

There is no doubt that fears in early childhood can be amusing at times, even bothering you to some extent, but for your children - this is the reality and this is how it should be treated.

Noga Hila conditioned, parent and family counselor, NLP facilitator and holistic child therapist, explains that toddlers are naturally scared because their imaginary world is highly developed, and their familiarity with reality is still in its infancy.

For the JAMA app

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To the full article

In early childhood, children still do not have the tools to interpret situations in other ways, so their fear is perceived as unequivocal.

Any noise can be a thief or a moving monster, even though you know it's just a plastic bag or a branch moving in the wind.

The survival mechanisms of toddlers, as in any human being, are FFF - to flee, to fight and to freeze.

It is possible that when your child suspects a monster under the bed, he will become aggressive, run away or actually freeze in place.

If you come across one of these reactions, you can understand that he is in a state of survival, and what you can do is mediate reality for him, calm down and contain.

How not to react when the child is scared?

Do not eliminate the fear.

Avoid using phrases like "What's scary about this?", "It's not scary at all", "Why are you scared, what are you baby?"

and so'.

Statements of this kind only diminish the child or diminish who he is, and of course also "give" him labels just because he felt fear.

From such statements the child may experience contempt as well as guilt.

If so far you have reacted with anger, impatience, despair and even a little cancellation of the child's fear, it is probably because it is simply difficult for you to experience him and yourself in a state of helplessness.

Do not panic, be there.

A boy cries in bed (Photo: ShutterStock)

So what should you do?

To reassure: to

be by the child's side when it happens, both physically and emotionally, that is - to hug, say reassuring and empathetic words like "Mom and Dad are always here with you", "We keep you safe", "It's okay to be scared", "Everyone is scared" - everything Rest assured and calm in a soft, pleasant and safe tone.

Give fear a place and legitimacy:

If you deny the child's fear you are actually sending him a message that he is alone in this story and that is exactly what will intensify the fear.

But if you give him a place, talk to him about it, find out what the fear looks like, feels, what color and sound he has - you can convey to him that he is not "just an inventor" but that these are really his thoughts, imaginations and feelings.

Denial of fear is actually a denial of emotions and in order for the child not to feel alone with himself and his emotions, a place of respect should also be given to a less pleasant emotion, such as fear.

Give legitimacy to fear.

Mother hugs her son (Photo: ShutterStock)

Make fear a friend:

Fear has a positive intention and it is to keep us. While it is an unpleasant emotion, it is important and vital in identifying potential dangers. Think of your fear and look at it as an inner voice that just comes to resonate and draw attention to something in particular. You can thank him for being there to take care of you, but still be the one managing him and not the one managing you. If your child experiences fear, know that his senses are sharp and at the same time, he will need your help to learn how to manage the fear himself.

Use emotional mediation, guided imagery and create a new story:

If your child's imaginary world is developed, it can be used particularly effectively. Just as the imagination imagines stories that evoke fear, it can equally evoke thoughts and images that are both soothing and funny. Tell the child a different story from what he is telling himself. For example, if it freezes when loud thunder is heard outside, it is important that you do not freeze yourself as well. Talk to him, explain to him that what he feels is natural, it is called fear. Identify with him and tell him that sometimes fear makes you feel stagnant, just like a block of ice. You can choose with him a doll that has "super power" - warm the body and cause frozen things to thaw. Go with the doll around him and describe to him how at every moment he thaws, warms up and relaxes. One can imagine the warm color (which he can also choose) literally flowing inside it warms and thaws it, from the head to the feet.

All of these actions give way to fear, do not deny it, normalize it and make it a natural and legitimate emotion to feel. The child will experience that he is okay, that he is allowed to feel fear as well. Your identification with him will make him feel human, because we create the world for him and the child constantly wants to explore where he is in relation to the world. So if mom and dad are human and sometimes afraid of certain things, it means it is a legitimate emotion and we also know what to do with it, because we have experience with fear. Correct responses to fear will teach the child to deal not only with fear, but with any other emotion that is less pleasant to feel, without denying it, but knowing it, and remembering that he is the one who can choose what to do with it.

As parents, your job is to prepare your child for life, and part of life is to deal with emotions that are also less pleasant. The way you behave in front of the child will teach him how to behave in the future. If you create a supportive, inclusive environment that gives way to fear and you do not eliminate, reduce or alternatively, protect yourself excessively and prevent him from feeling the fear - thus you will create a long-term effect on the perception of fear and dealing with and with him.

The Jama app

was established with the aim of addressing mothers of babies from birth to age three, and centralizing for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period. All the content in the app "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.

The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.

Search us on Google:

https://app.jama.co.il/

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