health
psychology
This is what happens to you when you fail to forgive
Since we are children we are taught that if someone asks for forgiveness - he should be forgiven.
But reality reveals that sometimes it's just too hard.
So we asked psychologists if it was really right to dance at any cost, and what happens if you just fail to release the anger
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Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur
Sorry
Walla!
health
Wednesday, 15 September 2021, 07:54
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People believe that "mistake is a human weakness and dance is a divine virtue."
Many refer to forgiveness as an act of transcendence or even heroism - but in fact, forgiveness is first and foremost meant to make us feel better about ourselves, and it contributes to the person who forgives much more than he can imagine.
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Really sorry: Why is it so hard to apologize?
To the full article
"Forgiveness is more important to forgive than to be forgiven," explains Mali Topaz, an expert clinical psychologist.
"A person who does not forgive, is left with severe feelings of anger, depression or even post-trauma. These things not only weigh on the mind. They can also lead to the development of physical illnesses."
Adi Bitner, herself a clinical psychologist and owner of the Sol Institute for Psychotherapy, shares this view, noting that "neuropsychology teaches us that distressing situations, such as those that occur when a person has difficulty forgiving and releasing, cause the secretion of neurotransmitters (nerve conductors) that can damage various nerves."
Resentment is harmful to health.
And it's proven
And this, it is important to understand, is not just a determination of psychologists.
There is quite a bit of evidence for this in the medical literature as well.
A study at Harvard University found that people who recall difficult events from the past that they did not overcome, experience a drop in immunoglobulin levels that lasts about six hours on average.
This is one of the important factors in the immune system that fights infections and therefore, the researchers explain, these people are at increased risk of "catching" various diseases.
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In this Yom Kippur you must also ask forgiveness from your body
Stop demanding that your children apologize.
This is not the way
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You probably grew up well - and your children deserve it too
Other studies have found that ingesting resentment can damage the lungs, increase blood pressure and generally shorten life expectancy.
All of these are also added to mental difficulties that of course involve resentment and are an integral part of dealing with it - nervousness, restlessness, difficulties in trusting people and in some cases even real difficulty in managing new relationships, because they fear the harm from the past will repeat itself.
The anger remained deep inside.
Punches on a table (Photo: ShutterStock)
"If we find it difficult, for example, to forgive our parents for hurting us in the past, I often see in patients that these unresolved traumas are fixed and passed on to their future relationships with their spouses - without them even being aware of it," Bitner adds.
Every person deserves forgiveness?
This is of course a personal decision, which depends on a lot of factors, but Topaz wants to mention that "Usually, people who hurt, do it because they have also been hurt themselves in the past. "Bad in the future. When you forgive, you break this vicious circle - in a way that frees both parties and allows them to release their psyche and make room for more positive experiences."
According to Topaz, "When you forgive, you can finally shake off the anger and free up the mental space to develop more positive emotions that will actually improve your health and mental resilience."
It is impossible to forgive in one day.
Not even on Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur seems to be the perfect opportunity to forgive and forgive, but if you ask the experts, you understand that it is better to go through this process in a slightly different way.
"Forgiveness is a long and drawn-out process," Topaz emphasizes.
"It can not happen suddenly in one day - where you are cleansed of everything and then feel clean and pure. It is a process that you must first go through with yourself, and then go through it in front of the person who hurt you - say you forgive him and really feel you can let go."
"In this process, it is important to express the hard feelings and not run away from them - it means to feel the anger, the insult, the hurt and the disappointment. When we give these feelings the place they deserve, they will release themselves faster than they would if we tried. ", She adds.
It is impossible to accelerate forgiveness and certainly not expect it to happen in one day (Photo: ShutterStock)
Bitner explains that "each of us has his own mental clock, which ticks at a different rate, so each will need a different time to forgive and release. Our psyche is very branched - it has a lot of layers that we are not always aware of. You can not accelerate in forgiveness and certainly not expect "It will happen in one day. In this process, it is very important to share the feelings properly. It is something that is difficult to do alone. Sharing can be done with the help of a professional like a psychologist, with friends or a group of people dealing with similar feelings."
And once we process our hard feelings, we can start thinking about the other side as well. According to Topaz, "It's important to try to understand why the other side did the thing that hurt us so much. One of the most important tools in this process is empathy, the ability to put ourselves in the other's shoes and understand what's really going through his mind." And empathy, it is important to understand, is not something that has or does not have in us. It is a mental "muscle" that can and should be developed.And it only happens through training and a genuine desire to develop it.
As mentioned, Yom Kippur alone will probably not be the day when all the sins between a person and his friend are forgiven, or the day when you will finally be freed from your anger and disappointment towards those who have hurt you.
It is a process that requires time, patience, forbearance and especially understanding that forgiveness is important first to you, and only then to the other side.
Written in collaboration with the Experts website - psychological counseling
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