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»Summer house of the stars«: lapidary small talk about toxic relationships

2021-10-09T10:12:42.527Z


A weekly live talk is intended to analyze and classify highly problematic couple relationships in the »summer house of the stars«. But the damage done in the process is great.


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Michelle Monballijn and Mike Cees: »Lack of self-confidence« or unreasonable assault?

While cooking, Michelle hits the foreclosure from behind: Mike puts his arms around her like a screw clamp, clings to her.

If she goes to the bathroom, Mike goes with her.

He determines where she should change and how much of her body she can show in front of the cameras.

If she asks for five minutes alone, he feels deeply affected by this withdrawal of love.

Steff wants Peggy to do his laundry.

She ignores that and makes a joke.

Steff

says that for him it is »just not so nice« that his wife changes during the time they spend together in the »summer house of the stars«, »that she becomes so self-confident and doesn't let everything be said."

He would like to have "a second wife to cuddle with", always ready to snuggle up when he is not somewhere else and with other women "in party mode".

Once again this year, the »Summer House of the Stars« is exhibiting relationships that make you wonder, while watching, that people want to lead them.

It has to be that way, that is the strength of this format, which makes it so relevant compared to purely conservational trash TV productions from the bachelor's degree, especially at a time when mossy gender dynamics are fortunately being discussed louder and louder.

However, so that the program can actually act as an impetus and not cement it, it needs a clear naming and classification of these relationships.

After last season's bullying palooza - and in keeping with the new, family-friendly paint job of RTL - there is a weekly live talk this year in which former candidates, fans of the format and psychologically trained experts are supposed to analyze what is going on in the house.

Quasi the media equivalent of the "Explanations and Documents" booklet, which at the time provided in-depth information and context on various dramas in school.

Highly problematic behavior problems

Of course, this construct initially runs the risk of appearing above all hypocritical: Can one expectably get out of hand guys into the house and hope for exactly this behavior, only to be shocked afterwards? One suspected in advance that this would be a fine line, but also a real, valuable opportunity to see Trash TV more explicitly than before as a human exhibition that could actually stimulate new thoughts and perspectives with lively exhibits.

This chance was now thrown away in the first live talk, moderated by Frauke Ludowig. You already suspected it when couple therapist Ann-Marlene Henning laughingly described Mike Cees, who in many scenes was really unbearable, as a "case of hardship". What then developed was worse than the feared artificial reverberation about previously self-orchestrated conditions: Instead, behavioral problems were relativized and played down, which even a psychological layperson would, to put it mildly, call highly problematic.

Even the uncommented "summer house" itself seemed like a more effective clarification system: Because its inmates affected by these dynamics there begin to recognize after a few days through direct confrontation with other couples, albeit not picture-perfect couples: A relationship does not necessarily have to run like this like my own. Michelle and Peggy learn from the support and above all the practical example of the other women in the house that their - at least in many of the scenes shown - dreary couple dynamics need not be fate. That a woman doesn't have to be quiet because the man tells her to. That there are also relationships in which the man contributes more to the common household than helping the woman show where it is dirty so that she can clean better.

After all, he cooks sometimes, but couples therapist Henning excuses Steff's dominance, who would like to keep his wife in the habitual dependency, and it seems that the two have "found a mode that works" with each other.

Perhaps Peggy also likes "that he is a macho," feeds dancer Renata Lusin the myth that women at the bottom of their hearts longed for a dominant ass man by their side.

Together with her husband Valentin, she belongs to the professional ensemble of "Let's Dance" and thinks Mike's demeanor is "a bit funny".

Poisoned structures stabilized

His avalanche, psychologically violent overwhelming of his wife is then shrunk by Henning to jealousy that has gotten out of hand: Mike simply lacks a bit of self-confidence, which is why this overreaction stirs. And ex-summer resident Roland, who was the first couple shot with his wife Janina, defends Mike as a "loyal, very sensitive person who stands by his word." He means that mostly about himself because Mike was the only one who didn't nominate them. The cut would also make the supposed villain appear different, Roland finally unpacked the Andrej Mangold memory escape. As if some context could make the scenes shown acceptable, in which Mike determines, for example, when and with whom Michelle is allowed to talk.Roland's statements are a sad and excellent example of how poisoned structures are covered, further stabilized and kept socially acceptable - by men who use these conditions rather than harm.

One can at least doubt whether it is a good idea to read a "I think Mike is great" post as the first audience reaction from the network at the social media show, which is also integrated into the talk. Trash TV twitterer Anredo then corrects that an estimated 90 percent of the audience did not approve of Mike's behavior at all. "But ten percent is not a small amount," says Tietjen, and it is not clear whether he is amazed at this approval because it is difficult to understand, or whether he sees it as at least a partial legitimation of Mike's behavior. That is at least unfortunate and, in the overall context, highly counterproductive.

The term “toxic relationship” so often used on Twitter in this context is “a buzz word”, says therapist Henning, which means nothing more than: You hurt each other and “don't show your best behavior” - that sounds harmless, of course like a not flipped down toilet seat.

Behavior no longer acceptable

This belittling makes you angry. Especially now that the current and prominent discussion, using the example of the allegations against Luke Mockridge, is what behavior can no longer be tolerated and that something must not remain socially accepted simply because it may not yet be justiciable. In a startling with perpetrator-victim reversal to be seen, Henning continues to explain that Michelle, who has almost been overrun by her captivating partner, just has to face him more actively: "She can say stop." The current "Sommerhaus" episode had just seen Michelle slumped in the bathroom with the other women, confiding in a whisper that she no longer knew what to say to Mike and was visibly afraid of his reaction . Because she says stop - but he ignores it.Instead of clearly naming Mike's behavior as an unreasonable assault, Frauke Ludowig asks: "What part does Michelle actually have in this?"

The fatal message behind this talk: "If something bothers you, just change it" - this is what it says in the commercial break in the spot for invisible tooth alignment braces that are supposed to correct dental misalignments. As if everything were as easy to solve as annoying vaginal dryness that had to be eliminated. Couples therapist Henning, who was best known for her TV documentary series "Make Love", also appeared at times as an advertising testimonial for intimate cream, which is supposed to help against the aforementioned dryness. With this ointment »you only have to apply some lotion for a short time, something changes immediately. And then you're back, in love and in life, «says Henning in the advertisement, and in the talk studio she gives the impression that Michelle could free herself just as easily if she only wanted to.

It is frustrating to see how succinctly the beat is here, what chance is wasted here with such trivialization. Like many others who see it similarly, you write this frustration in a tweet - and then there is a small, surreal moment when, surprisingly, this criticism is actually read out minutes later in the talk by social media reporter Anredo.

There are only a few minutes of airtime left, and Henning and Ludowig hastily confirm that toxic relationships are actually not harmless, that they can make you sick.

And that it is not so easy to break free from it: "Many, many people live in these toxic relationships for a long time," says Henning, also out of fear of their partner.

There are still two minutes left to poke around for explanations and to gallop through childhood injuries that can suddenly reappear in relationships, disappointments and fears that come up again because it is about love and which reminds "of mom and dad".

It seems confused because the message that has already been set is different.

"We will continue to work on this topic, in any case," says Frauke Ludowig when she leaves, and one is inclined to say: maybe it would be better not to.

Source: spiegel

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