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Is your toddler afraid of noises?
This is the right way to respond
Your child is startled by the noise of balloons, a vacuum cleaner or a motorcycle - this is a fairly common and familiar problem, but there is a way to deal with it.
This will help the child deal with his fear of loud noises
Tags
Fears
Noise
Babies
parenthood
Daniel Sarantsky, in collaboration with JAMA
Tuesday, 09 November 2021, 07:43
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Is your child afraid of balloons?
Every time the vacuum cleaner is turned on it runs away screaming?
Does any bus or plane cause him to cling to you?
You're not alone.
There are quite a few children who feel fear of noise at different developmental stages.
We do not always understand this and we do not know how to react.
So what is right and wrong to do in order to help the child cope in the best way and even reduce the fear?
Noga Hila conditioned, parent and family counselor, NLP facilitator and holistic child therapist, explains how right (and wrong) to respond.
Give legitimacy to fear
Any denial or elimination of the child's fear produces in him a feeling that he is dealing with it alone, which may increase the fear.
The goal is to produce support and reinforcement for knowing that there is real fear there.
You have to listen to the fear, give it a place, understand that it probably stems from the child's inner world and his little acquaintance with reality and convey to him in words and body language: "I am with you, I understand you and we will deal with it together."
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Each age, of course, works a little differently but the messages need to remain consistent.
Even with adult babies aged one year and over, it is possible and definitely desirable to talk.
They understand by tone the support, presence and legitimacy.
For example: "Are you afraid of the balloon? The noise scared you? Yes, I understand, it was very surprising / loud ...", while hugging lovingly, enveloping and relaxing.
Frightened by any motorcycle noise?
Crying toddler (Photo: ShutterStock)
Treat fear as normal and natural
Everyone is afraid of something, it does not make your child a coward.
It is important to produce a separation between the fear response and the child's self-perception.
Sentences that should not be said: "What are you afraid of?"
Or "It's not scary at all!".
The child, in his experience, may establish a self-image of cowardice and this is important to avoid.
It is important to convey the message that fear is a natural thing and even big ones are afraid sometimes.
You can give an example of what you are afraid of and how you deal with it to reinforce the feeling that it is happening to everyone.
Pay attention to your reactions to fear
Pay attention to how you react when you see a dog, a spider or if you hear a loud and surprising noise.
Everyone, as mentioned, has their fears and automatic reactions to unexpected things that happen.
It is important that you also be aware and pay attention to your reactions, since, they are an example of dealing with fears.
On the one hand it is important to give legitimacy to the fear but at the same time it is important to learn to "work with it" so that it will not manage you and the child.
You can also share your experience in real time: "I was scared of the noise of the motorcycle, but I took a deep breath and saw that everything was fine now and nothing happened."
So in fact you admit fear, normalize it, give it a place and a reference, and finally - show a way of coping and even "close the story" by saying that everything is fine.
Listen to the story behind the fear
What does the child say he sees and imagines might happen?
Listen to him.
He was told that "this thought is really scary."
Note: "The thought is scary" and not necessarily the thing itself, this is because the fear is created by the very thought that something might happen but did not really happen in practice.
This is a potential that takes place inside the child's head.
You have to "get into his head", try to understand what he is imagining through non-judgmental questions.
For example: "When you see the balloon on a birthday, what do you imagine is happening? What scares you about it?".
Give a different interpretation
The fear often stems from the story the child is telling himself.
Just as you imagine something scary happening, you can imagine something funny happening.
Therefore, after listening to the thoughts that fear produces in the child, try to suggest another way of looking at the same thing.
For example, if the child imagines that the balloon is exploding next to him, you can suggest to him that maybe the balloon will actually fly next to him and tickle him and even smile at him and want to be his friend.
Of course it can also explode, but this is just one of the options.
Ask him, "How do you feel about the balloon that wants to be your friend or tickle you?".
Once the child just thinks or imagines the new feeling created following the interpretation that their suggestion it will reduce even slightly the intensity of the fear.
Compose a new story to fear.
Child and balloons (Photo: ShutterStock)
Connect to the child's inner strengths
One of your intuitive responses as a parent is that when the child expresses fear you will say straight: "We will take care of you." It's great to convey to the child that you are protecting him, but at the same time, you will want to create a connection of the child to his inner abilities and to the knowledge that he too can maintain himself. Remind him of what is in him and connect him to his strengths with the help of an example and illustration - when, where and how he used that relevant power, for example - bravely. Remember together in case he was particularly brave, talk about this experience and remind him that it exists in him and all he has to do is close his eyes and remember how brave he is.
One can detail where he feels this courage in the body and even produce a kind of "button" of courage that he will press whenever he needs it.
The "button" will be linked to a previous experience of courage and thus create an anchor for him that will return him to the same power that in that moment of fear he did not feel was available to him, but he would know that it always existed in him.
For example: "Right in the caressing corner you stroked the rabbit? Look how brave you are! Where did you feel this courage in the body? (Say pointed to the heart), then the courage button will be on the heart." Whenever you feel fear, close your eyes, press the heart and remember how much You have courage. "The goal is for the child to know that he has the strength and ability to deal with fear regardless of yes. There is a message here that he also has a solution and a component of personal empowerment, strengthening self-confidence, encouraging a sense of ability and independence.
Give the child the time needed to overcome
Do not accelerate the child to hold a balloon, therefore release from the leg when a plane passes and make a loud noise or take the vacuum cleaner and try to pump alone. Even if you already want it to go away and this is it, you need to be patient and understand that this is a new process of getting to know the world of interpretation and the child's imagination in the face of the current fear.
In conclusion, it is important to be in a supportive place and understand that this is a natural developmental stage from the child's acquaintance with the world and the establishment of his system of perceptions of reality. You can and should assist him in properly mediating reality, giving further interpretation to his experience while you believe in him and help him discover the strengths in which to deal, without canceling, reducing or diminishing his feeling. This is how you actually create for him an empathic presence that will help him cope optimally with the fear.
The Jama app was established with the aim of addressing mothers of babies from birth to age three, and centralizing for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the app "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/
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