The epidemic of violence in schools is getting worse.

How do you deal with it?

Every few days a horrific story about a child who went through a violent incident at school makes headlines, and there is no doubt that something bad is happening to our children in the current reality.

So how do we identify and help a child who is being bullied - and what do we do if our child is the attacker?

Alina Gorlik and Adi Weinstock

25/11/2021

Thursday, 25 November 2021, 07:05 Updated: Friday, 26 November 2021, 07:46

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In recent times, schools seem to have become battlefields.

Student violence against each other, sometimes even against teachers, boycotts and a host of other phenomena that were also in the past but seem to have intensified after the Corona period.

What should we, the parents, do if we find out that our child has been harmed, or initiated the act of bullying?

More on Walla!

What makes my child bully - and how can it be stopped?

To the full article

The study data are stressful.

Forty percent of the children experienced violence and bullying at school.

Studies have also found that bullying has detrimental and long-term effects.

Children who have experienced bullying tend to lack self-confidence, low levels of concentration, refusal to participate in social activities, stress, predisposition to illness and even mental disorders.

More on Walla!

• Harassing your child at school?

  This is what you need to teach him

• My son was involved in a cyberbullying incident.

  That's what I learned from it

• 1 in 5 children think of suicide because of bullying at school

• Living with a quiet heart: An accurate and quick diagnosis that saves time and saves lives

Bullying is a recurring act of violence and is a very common phenomenon inside and outside school.

To find out if your child is being bullied at school,

• The child returns home with bruises, cuts or unexplained scratches

• Some of the child's equipment or clothing is missing or damaged

• The boy returns home hungry

• The child does not want to go to school and makes up excuses to stay home

• The child does not want to go to school

• Academic deterioration or inattention while doing homework

• Nightmares return at night

• The child cries for no reason, looks depressed and unhappy

• The child exhibits atypical anger or aggression

• The child experiences mood swings

• The child experiences anxiety

• The child closes as his world or there is an exacerbation of symptoms of repetitive behaviors

• stutter

• Changes in eating or sleeping habits

And what do you do if the child shows these signs and there is a real fear that he is being bullied? We have collected for you five very important tips for dealing with bullying at school, if you know your child is exposed to it, being attacked or if you have identified one or more warning signs from the list above.

Talk to your child and try to understand if something happened at school that made him sad, and if there is someone in particular at school who makes him feel sad. If your child has limited speech abilities, you can ask him to draw what is bothering him or show him pictures of situations and see what he is pointing to.

Share with the educational staff your concern that your child is being bullied at school. Explain to the staff how this is manifested at home and yet your child is hurt by the situation. Ask them to pay attention to your child and the children around him, with special emphasis on break times (where this is more likely to happen).

Always always - involve the teachers.

Sad boy at school (Photo: ShutterStock)

Also, check with the staff if there are any strategies to reduce bullying at school: Are there areas that are under staff supervision where your child can eat or play unhindered?

Do they discuss the issue at school and explain to the children that there is a form of behavior towards others?

Is there a staff member who can be approached when the child is threatened?

Is it possible to work collaboratively with the children in the class to create an equal group for him in which he will be more protected?

Try to think together with the educational staff about individual and general solutions.

After a conversation with the school they came back to them to check that indeed something had been done.

Call and check again and again that there is a change.

It is very important to work with the child on his own self-confidence in his safe environment, at home.

Create an achievement book for your child with pictures, works, awards, tests, etc., in which you can remind him of his personal achievements.

Note that it is important that these be specific and not general achievements.

You should also watch movies with the child or read books about famous people who also experienced difficulties in childhood.

Sometimes it is possible to offer children solutions through role-playing.

A girl who experiences bullying at school (Photo: ShutterStock)

4. Help your child interpret social situations

Play at home with the child playing roles on the situations he encounters at school.

Role-playing can help him interpret social situations better.

You can demonstrate to your child what is acceptable and unacceptable in the behaviors they experience at school, and offer them solutions that they can use if necessary.

And what if our child is bullying the other?

First, it is important to try and understand what the cause of the violent behavior is.

Is it with kids who are his friends, is it with "weak" kids in the class?

If it is children who are usually his friends, probably the social experience there has become a violent discourse.

They laugh at each other, get down on each other and the rules of "laughs" and "slippers" have become the social communication between them.

In such a situation it is important to work with these children in a group, to try to teach them that it is possible otherwise.

There is another way to be friends, to play, to laugh - not to do it at the expense of friends.

If it is a "weak" child - it is advisable to apply talking about positive leadership.

What is a leader?

What is a positive / negative leader?

And what do I want to be?

Show videos and examples and start talking at home about the concept of "positive leader".

You have to talk about it.

Mother and daughter (Photo: ShutterStock)

At the same time, it is important to set a personal example. We parents must set a personal example to our children about respect for others, helping others, helping and accepting the different. You can initiate situations in which you show them patience and forbearance towards the other. If you see a child / adult who needs help, show the child that you are not indifferent to the situation, you are helping another. That it is wrong to laugh / go down / ignore the weak.

Give children a clear meaningful response for situations where they have been part of physical or verbal violence against the other - children need to know that violence is not acceptable to you, and if they are violent or cooperate with violent children it will be an unpleasant reaction at home. And at the same time - strengthen the positive behaviors - if you see that your child responds with empathy, shares an experience or game, a good and kind friend and patient towards the other, a positive leader - strengthen the child. They told him clearly and in detail "I saw you invited Roy to play when he was alone, wow you are amazing" of course not to forget a hug and a kiss.

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• hooliganism

• violence

• schools

• Education

• parenthood