All day at work?

This will make your time with the children meaningful

A recent Adler Institute survey found that many parents spend less than two hours a day with their children.

It sounds tough, but in most cases it is a necessity of reality and the burden of earning a living.

The good news: these two hours can be made very meaningful

Walla!

health

04/12/2021

Saturday, 04 December 2021, 23:23

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Last month posted here on Walla!

Parenting surveyed that many parents spend less than two hours a day with their children.

This figure sounds extreme, but it is not surprising.

Modern life is becoming more intense and demanding.

The world of work is more competitive in most professions, requiring more investment, more hours and higher availability.

At the same time, the cost of living is rising and the economic needs are greater, which makes us work harder.

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Therefore, naturally, since we have not yet been able to overcome the 24-hour limit, our hours with our children are reduced accordingly.

Is this necessarily a problem?

The answer to that is complex.

It is a question of quality, not quantity

First of all, there are studies, quite old, which claim that it is not quantity that determines but quality.

That is, what we do while we are with the children is far more important than how much we are with them.

What this means first of all is that when we come home from work, even if late, and even if it was hard and tiring and annoying, we should try and put everything aside and remember that for our children it is the beginning of the common time and not the continuation of the day we had at work.

It is not easy at all, but possible.

When you're home, you'll be home.

Mom works from home (Photo: ShutterStock)

One of the tips is to try to restart the trip, or stop for a few minutes outside the house before entering to create a separation between the areas, take a deep breath, maybe close our eyes for a moment and especially remind ourselves that we are now going to the place (people) that are most important to us. ...) and is extremely important for their well-being and development.

Beyond that, because this limited time of ours with the kids is usually in the evenings, it involves a lot of “administrative work”: dinner, showers, brushing teeth, arranging a schoolbag and checking that all the lessons were done.

Not to mention all the work that has accumulated from all day (dishes, laundry and everything else) waiting for us.

It is very easy for our hours with the kids to be filled with these things.

And if we go back to research that talks about quality versus quantity, our time with the kids will be significant in terms of what we do with it and more importantly how we do it.

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It means we need to think about what is important for us to give our children and that these things will be intertwined in the hours we have with them: having time to do something small and meaningful, learning something new together, creating something or playing or making dinner together.

It does not take much time for this.

At dinner sit down and talk about what was today, and raise questions like something good that was (gratitude), something you learned today (lifelong learning), a question that particularly interests you (curiosity) and who you helped today (empathy).

End a day reading a story together, also read to someone who is already reading something at a slightly higher level than he can alone, read one entry in a science book or invention, or watch a short and instructive video on YouTube (e.g. Ted-Ed ones).

The most important thing is to maintain a good atmosphere.

It should be remembered that sometimes the fact that we have a set time for quality time is not necessarily suitable for our children.

They may be tired, busy with something else or just not in their head.

It is important not to fight it and insist because it will do the opposite effect.

We need to be flexible and adapt to them and the particular day, but still, with all the difficulty, put them and their needs in mind because it's their time (yes, do you know you ask and where is our time? But as parents we have responsibilities and because of the short time left before Sleep, she came first).

Look for opportunities to be together

Beyond that, there is no doubt that more time with the children allows us more contact, more opportunities for connection, and more availability in the moments they need us (rather than in the time window we have).

So it's worth checking out our crowded blues as well if there are opportunities, even smaller ones to be more together.

Come one day a week earlier (there is more openness today), work a day from home if the profession allows (under the auspices of the zoom) to leave a different child each time on a Friday for a fun day (and if you tell at school that I said - I will vehemently deny) and create joint ceremonies with each boy and girl Around things that interest them.

Find moments of magic.

They are significant.

Father and son (Photo: ShutterStock)

Of course it is also important to examine as much as possible that the alternatives while we are not there are of sufficient quality, and not to take "what is there" or the most available. Sounds trivial but most not. But also remember that the relationship with the parents, and the secure attachment that is built on the fact that when we are there we are available and attentive and consistent is in no way interchangeable. This is important because sometimes we take dealing with the distance from the children on a daily basis to a less effective place.

A survey by the Adler Institute, with which we opened, found that parents experience a great deal of concern, and as a result use more means of control over their children. Although it is important to check and have a hand on the pulse, these often come in the form of control rather than promoting self-management ability. Beyond that parents make claims towards the school or the afternoon setting, which at least partially comes to express involvement and increase a sense of control and confidence as compensation for the short physical time.

While this is important, we need to look at the dosages and how we do it, as they may affect our children and their sense of security, the systems in which they are and us as parents, and in some cases demonstrate non-promotional communication.

It is important to monitor but also at the same time educate our children for self-management, independent and responsible thinking, making the right decisions and the ability to choose, caring and conscientious.

These will stand to their right all the way and will serve them well into the future and all the way.

• health

• parenthood

Tags

• The Adler Institute

• parenthood

• Children

• Career