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When it comes to announcing unfortunate news: this is how you should mediate death for the little ones - Walla! health

2021-12-05T07:04:12.242Z


How to instill a sense of security and what words should be used? This is how you will explain to children about the loss of a loved one


When it comes to announcing unfortunate news: this is how you mediate death for the little ones

The death of a loved one is always a difficult event, but mediating it for young children is even more complex.

How to instill a sense of security and what words should be used?

This is how you will explain to children about the loss of a loved one

Daniel Sarantsky, in collaboration with JAMA

05/12/2021

Sunday, 05 December 2021, 08:02 Updated: 08:55

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The subject of death is a painful, frightening and not simple subject for us, as adults and adults, so when it comes to conveying such an emotional explanation to children, you may panic, get confused or disguise the situation in distraction.

Quite a few parents are afraid to talk to their young children about death, whether it is a deceased dog or a deceased grandmother, out of a desire to protect them from any pain and discomfort and also for fear that they will not exactly understand.



Dana Hovesh, a certified parent counselor at the Adler Institute and the Ministry of Education, claims that children actually see, hear and feel everything, but at the same time they are bad commentators.

They hear you talking at home, listening to the environment and feeling the change in behavior and tone of voice.

It is therefore important not to hide or leave a child with such ambiguity, because he may fill the void created in the imagination that can be even scarier than reality.

More on Walla!

Not just mom and dad: how do "other" families mediate for children?

In collaboration with JAMA

Children see and hear everything, but they are bad commentators.

Mother hugs a child in bed (Photo: ShutterStock)

What do the children need?


Children need an intermediary who will explain reality to them as it is, according to their developmental stage.

They depend on your words and the feeling of confidence you instill in them for further coping and development.

Studies have shown that mediating young children with concrete information about death helps them, whereas when adults in the environment are vague or refrain from telling objective facts, children experience difficulty.



So how do you mediate?


Talk to the children in a calm time and not during a storm of emotions.

When you are upset the child may pick it up through non-verbal messages and it may make it difficult for him.

Be matter-of-fact and do not be afraid to use the word "death" for all its inflections and add it to the children's natural vocabulary.

Mention real facts briefly, for example: "Grandma died because she was very, very sick and very old."

Emphasize the "very" so they will not be afraid to die when they are sick.

To give them a sense of security, answer all the questions that bother them, convey to them the message that in your home everything is talked about.

Every question is acceptable and you do not hide anything from them.

This is how you will demonstrate to them a modeling of openness, honesty and trust.

Were barely with them, listened to them and answered their questions.

Mother and daughter talking (Photo: ShutterStock)

Children in their early years understand the world in a concrete and tangible way, so it is important not to use metaphors and explanations like "old grandmother" or "grandmother in heaven". This may make them afraid to go to sleep or fly a plane in the sky, so as not to hurt Grandma. Make room for any emotion that arises (fear, anger, sadness), be empathetic to the emotions and behaviors that will arise and share them with your emotions as well, for example: "I am sad too, we can remember and miss together." Sadness is part of the rainbow of our emotions. One should not hide and repress, but mediate the sadness as a normal thing that is allowed to be experienced. If the children ask if you too will die, they honestly replied "yes, we will all die after we get very, very, very old".



Trust your children, even if they are scared or very sad, they are capable of coping and will be able to move on. Listen to them, be barely with them, answer their questions, hug and encourage them in the difficult moments.

https://app.jama.co.il/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=walla_articles "target =" _ blank "> Accompany them throughout this challenging period. All the content in the app "grows" with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.



The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and meet other mothers Around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.



Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

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Source: walla

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