Everything you need to know before having a child in shared parenting

Are you considering having a child in co-parenting?

Do not take another step before you read this guide: When should an agreement be drawn up and what issues must be regulated in it?

Advocate explains

Adv. Amy Bonnie Bechor

27/12/2021

Monday, 27 December 2021, 08:16 Updated: 08:20

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Today it is already clear to everyone that the old model of having children, of mother and father in monogamous marriages, is not the only model.

There are more and more new families.

Men and women can only bond together for the sake of having a child without having a romantic or marital relationship, LGBT couples bond together - all in order to become parents. A baby.

Seemingly, this is an amazing fantasy of people whose common goal is to be parents in shared parenting and to grow up together and separately as a child, which will make them a family. But for this dream to become a reality - it is important to plan it well, and carefully.

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How do you find the right partners to parent?

The vast majority of times these are two people who have some kind of basic personal acquaintance between them, but sometimes people who did not know each other at all and only connect for the sake of shared parenting.

There are Facebook groups and communities around the topic of shared parenting on social networks through which one can get to know each other, and there are connections made through shared acquaintances.

In fact, the same possibilities that lie ahead for two people to find a romantic relationship also apply to those who are interested in a relationship for the purpose of having children.

First of all, and most importantly - an agreement

So how, after all, does this fairy tale come to an abyss?

A great many of these connections do not end in an agreement, and this is the first mistake.

When you buy an apartment you make an agreement and go to a lawyer, consult, think and check.

But when you go into the process of parenting with someone you "trust" them.

This is the first cause of wars.

Make the agreement even before there is a pregnancy, but keep in mind that it only becomes legally valid after the baby is born.

Pregnant woman signs document (Photo: ShutterStock)

In my office, there is currently a world war case of a father who is a friend of the mother, with the whole purpose of shared parenting.

They talked about drafting an agreement, thinking about it, having conversations about what would happen.

She of course told him that every shekel the children raised they would carry half and half.

That she very much wants a involved father to take the children half the time, and that she lives in Tel Aviv where they will raise the children.

And he trusted her.

Twins were born, already in the hospital the mother asked that the father not be admitted to the nursery, and security was ordered only to explain to the mother that it was the father's right.

She then tried to register the babies without him in names he did not agree to, and the highlight was that she did not return to Tel Aviv, after the birth she simply moved to Haifa.

What joint parenting and joint custody can exist within 60 miles?

What could have prevented this terrible situation that is far from over?

agreement.

Shared parenting - how do you do it right and prevent wars?

Even before having a pregnancy, the first part of the agreement should discuss the process of conception.

Is it insemination, fertilization or the natural way?

Define in advance that all treatment costs will always apply to both parties jointly.

Be sure to address in the agreement also the issue of involvement in pregnancy tests, in the dose you decide on.

Does the father want to be present at every test or just a systems review?

And who else can be there?

(Suppose the parents' spouses, if any).

Pre-determine agreements regarding treatments, tests and doctors - what will be performed within the HMO, and what in private medicine.

And here too, the costs need to be shared equally between the parents.

Determine in advance who will be able to be present at the birth.

A woman giving birth (Photo: ShutterStock)

Conduct at birth followed by the

agreement should anchor the father's presence at birth, in the covenant, and in each of the important moments.

The agreement can also regulate the possibility that the father will stay with the mother to be with the baby on the first and most important nights and also help the mother if necessary, since she is in labor.

This clause should be done in accordance with the agreement of both parties, of course.

The division of time should be determined in advance and be gradual, according to the age of the baby.

For example, first 3 months - visits for several hours of the father in the mother's house.

3-9 months - the father will be able to take the baby out of the house to the garden, visit a family and the like.

It is also possible to schedule overnight stays at the father's home and increase their frequency gradually, until towards the age of one and a half to two years the times will be divided equally between the parents.

What to watch out for?

The agreement between the parties can be approved in the Family Court only after the baby is born.

Before that, there is no legal entity and no one is guaranteed to be born.

Therefore signing an agreement is significant, but not binding until there is no court approval.

Future changes to the agreement can only be with the consent of both parties.

If there is a dispute between the parties, this is exactly where the agreement comes into play.

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Towards the age of one and a half to two years, the times should be divided equally between the parents' homes.

Dad sweatshirt baby (Photo: ShutterStock)

In another case I am dealing with, a client of mine who signed an agreement after the birth of the girl refused to comply with the terms of the agreement. She was sued by the father, and the court made it clear that he could not enforce an agreement he did not approve but he would manage the case under the same agreement that shows the true intent of the parties and not what the mother wants today because it is difficult for her to release. At the same time, the court always rules according to the best interests of the child and is not bound by the agreement.

there is also the economic part of the agreement, Common and know why they are entering.They want a child and should be willing to pay the prices.So here too the basis should be egalitarian.

The burden between the parents should be shared not only financially but also emotionally.

That is why it is very important to choose a person with whom you have very good communication and you share the same values ​​of education, seeing eye to eye the important things in life.

Otherwise, the fantasy may turn into a nightmare.

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• Pregnancy and Birth

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• family law