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Read more with Elke Heidenreich: Four books by women about the loss of their husbands

2022-01-09T14:57:00.370Z


How much pain do men actually inflict on women? And how much strength does it take to endure it? Four answers in four current books - a tribute to the late essayist Joan Didion.


Read the video transcript here

Elke Heidenreich, author and book critic

New year, new luck, new books! At the end of last year, Joan Didion, the style-setting essayist, the great journalist and novelist, died. And there was something wonderful about her in a newspaper: she was "incorruptible but unsettled." This is actually the best that can be said about a person. Of her novels, the most impressive for me was "The Year of Magical Thinking," about the death of her husband. And when I picked it up again on the occasion of her death, I suddenly thought that in the course of the last year a lot of books have appeared by women who deal with the loss of a husband. Be it that the man died, be it that you broke up. And that's an interesting topic. And I have four books todaywhich I would like to introduce to you today on this subject.

The most political is probably this one by Nina Bouraoui: »Hostages«. I'll read you the beginning, a little bit: “My name is Sylvie Meyer. I am 53 years old. I am a mother of two children. I've been separated from my husband for a year. I work at Cagex, a rubber company. I am responsible for production control. I have no criminal record. ”That sounds like an interrogation. And that's exactly what it is. She is sitting in the police station and is being interrogated. And that was her short résumé. And that is now filled with a little more than a hundred pages with the life of Sylvie Meyer and above all with this event: For one night, armed with a knife, she took her boss hostage and threatened. She didn't do anything to him except fear, but of course she's going to be arrested - and she needed an outlet.Her husband left her. She now has to get through her two children with very disgusting factory work. And this superior forced her to denounce her colleagues, to tell him if someone is often late or is often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and when we read we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "««She now has to get through her two children with very disgusting factory work. And this superior forced her to denounce her colleagues, to tell him if someone is often late or is often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and when we read we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "She now has to get through her two children with very disgusting factory work. And this superior forced her to denounce her colleagues, to tell him if someone is often late or is often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and when we read we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "««And this superior forced her to denounce her colleagues, to tell him if someone is often late or is often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and we always get the feeling when we read that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "And this superior forced her to denounce her colleagues, to tell him if someone is often late or is often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and we always get the feeling when we read that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "if someone is often late or often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and when we read we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "if someone is often late or often sick. And that hurt her moral sense. And the fact that her husband left her behind, it all built up so much in her that she took this superior hostage and we always get the feeling when we read that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "that she took this boss hostage and that while reading we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "that she took this boss hostage and that while reading we always have the feeling that she is actually the hostage of her fate and these men. A woman maneuvered into an unbearable position. She once said of the hostage situation: “I felt alive for a short time. I was the rapist, so to speak. "And she also says:" I love my husband. But I don't love men because they cause us women so much pain. "because they cause us women so much pain. "because they cause us women so much pain. "

The second book, Deborah Levy, "A House of Your Own" fits in with this. Here, too, at the end of her marriage, a woman is alone with her children in a shabby apartment. She says she learned the hard lesson that love doesn't last, and neither does great love. And she dreams of a house that could be her home, that protects her and protects her dreams. The book is autobiographical, which has recently been called auto-fictional, very cleverly written. An inventory of how you wanted to live, if you could live the way you wanted to. And if women had the opportunities in their lives that men also have. You know, all this gender language can be stolen from me as long as women can't make their own money - just as much money as men,and be able to be self-sufficient and independent in their life. This book is a plea for it.

The next one it becomes almost crime-fiction, Doris Knecht, "Die Nachrichten". Here a woman lost her husband to death a few years ago. She mourns for him and suddenly she receives an email that says: "Do you actually know about your splendid husband's affair?" Yes, she had found out about it shortly before his death. That also makes her grief particularly bitter. But who on earth writes emails like that? And writes even more emails, also to her whole circle of friends and always very negative about her, what an old slut she would be and that her husband had rightly cheated on her. Who does something like that? Who is trying to destroy them? It dissolves. Of course I won't tell you how. It's all about how much pain men can inflict on a woman and how much strength women need to endure it.I don't even know whether it's the other way around. The book ends like this: »Mourning grows weaker, fear dissipates, anger subsides, hurt fades. Some friendships fade and others are more stable than you thought. Maybe because you need more than you differ. Time goes by, wounds heal, people disappear from life, memories blur. The news doesn't come that often anymore, only rarely. And it doesn't matter anymore. ”But they are still to come. I think that men should read books like this once in a while to understand what we women actually feel and what people sometimes do to us.than was believed. Maybe because you need more than you differ. Time goes by, wounds heal, people disappear from life, memories blur. The news doesn't come that often anymore, only rarely. And it doesn't matter anymore. ”But they are still to come. I think that men should read books like this once in a while to understand what we women actually feel and what people sometimes do to us.than was believed. Maybe because you need more than you differ. Time goes by, wounds heal, people disappear from life, memories blur. The news doesn't come that often anymore, only rarely. And it doesn't matter anymore. ”But they are still to come. I think that men should read books like this once in a while to understand what we women actually feel and what people sometimes do to us.what we women actually feel and what people sometimes do to us.what we women actually feel and what people sometimes do to us.

The last book is by Dorothy Gallagher, "What else I wanted to tell you". Gallagher's husband, the publisher Ben Sonnenberg, had died as expected after years of very serious illness. She lacks him, so this is one to one autobiographical. And she talks to him, as the title says, "What else I wanted to tell you." She talks about the move, about the old and new furniture, about the cat that has died. And she knows that this telling will be over at some point. She has to live her own life. And she once said, “Oh Ben, if you could see me now, would you even recognize me? I've got gray hair now. ”It's a farewell book. So, and all these books are about women, the loss of men. And next time we'll take care of real men's books for the guys again.

And now we're looking at the SPIEGEL bestseller list and are happy about every book that has made it, and we don't throw any in the bin just because we don't like it personally.

This is also such an arrogant male attitude, for example.

Here we go:

Boarded on the ten: »Paradise Lost« by Abdulrazak Gurnah, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2021.

The story of twelve-year-old Yusuf, who at the end of the 19th century experienced the effects of the colonial upheaval in East Africa first hand, was published in 1994 and after a long break is now finally available again in German.

With his autobiographical debut, Edgar Selge has impressively proven that he is not only at home on stage, but also convinces as a novelist.

"Have you finally found us," holds up well in ninth place.

Is that a farewell to the top ten?

The activism thriller by Dirk Rossmann and his co-author Ralf Hoppe has been with us for a long time in this section.

"The Wrath of the Octopus" falls from four to eight this week.

This week, too, the world is still on the brink: Ken Follett's agent hunt across the continents.

“Never.

The final decision «stable on the seven.

"Über Menschen" climbed back to sixth place.

Juli Zeh's city escape story is also number one for the entire year 2021. The novel was the best-selling book in the fiction category throughout the year.

From tenth place back to five: Kerstin Gier's fantasy adventure »Forget-me-not.

What you can't see in the light "is a love story about two people who suddenly see things that can't be of this world.

Once again up to four: Bernhard Schlink's "The Granddaughter".

The story of the bookseller Wettner, who searches for clues after the suicide of his wife in East Germany, has been in the top ten for weeks.

A killer has been murdering for 30 years without anyone being able to prove anything.

But the special department Q around the team of investigators made up of Carl Mørck, Assad, Rose and Gordon finally want to stop him.

However, in times of the pandemic, it is difficult to determine.

Jussi Adler Olsen's thriller "Sodium Chloride" came in third this week.

Sebastian Fitzek's “Playlist” was probably a popular Christmas present: the crime thriller, which is both a novel online game and a music playlist, is still at the forefront in the new year.

This week in second place.

It is already the tenth case of the duo Sander and Bodenstein.

The murder of a publisher's employee, who was fired after 30 years, brings the tried and tested police duo into the milieu of the Frankfurt literary business.

Nele Neuhaus herself lives in the Hessian Taunus, which is why her stories are also located in the region.

The fact that their fan base is not only loyal, but also large, can be seen from the placements: »In Eternal Friendship« this week again in first place.

Source: spiegel

All life articles on 2022-01-09

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