Brothers in Soul: How to Improve and Strengthen the Relationship Between Children?
This is the longest relationship they will have in life, but on a daily basis they are many, jealous, competing for you and their place in the family - how can you improve the bond and connection between your children?
Daniel Sarantsky, in collaboration with JAMA
17/02/2022
Thursday, 17 February 2022, 08:56 Updated: 09:18
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The longest relationship a child will experience in his life is with his brother.
It is a not simple and complicated relationship, which creates paragon, warmth and love on the one hand, and competitiveness and jealousy on the other.
In the first years of their life together, the siblings are forced to share almost everything possible - in the common space, in the various games, and in the limited parental resource that is the main quarrel and competition between them: who gets personal attention from parents, when, how and how much.
Dana Hovesh, a certified parent counselor at the Adler Institute and the Ministry of Education, argues that in order to delve deeper and understand the complexity of their relationship, one must observe and become familiar with the psychological place, the role each child perceives in the family and the way parents receive them compared to their siblings.
In his early years the toddler tries to understand what is unique to him, the one that will make him feel loved, valued, meaningful and belong to the family.
He draws conclusions from parental experiences and reactions, and his way of interpreting in comparison to his brother and his place in the home is influenced by the parental reactions to him and his brother and they are the ones that strengthen or harm the relationship between them.
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They will be together almost all their lives, but they spend their daily lives in quarrels and competitions.
Close brothers (Photo: ShutterStock)
How can you help strengthen the relationship between the siblings?
Separation - Respect the space, needs and desires of each child on their own.
The respectful relationship between you and your children is the modeling you will create for the relationship between them.
Demonstration from your relationship with your partner
- Demonstrate to them a marital relationship based on mutual respect for each other's desires and values, listening, equality, cooperation and friendship.
When spouses wage quarrels, competitiveness, power struggles and control over children's heads, they learn that this is the way to resolve disagreements in life, and so will they behave in front of their siblings.
Separate quality time
- Make sure each child gets quality time with each parent individually.
Initiated personal reference reinforces the sense of belonging and gives a feeling that the child's place in the family is safe, so he does not have to fight for it with his brother.
Avoid comparisons, generalizations and labeling
Beyond the fact that such comments hurt the child's value, they create frustration, competition and anger towards the brother: is he a better child than me?
Love it more?
Is he the best in football?
Is he a mother's child?
So what am I?
Where is a local in the family?
When they are many, do not take sides and trust them to find a way to solve it on their own.
Brother and sister embracing (Photo: ShutterStock)
Encourage desirable behavior
- Euro and encourage them as they play together, share, empathize and give up on each other.
Do not take sides
- During a quarrel between the brothers do not intervene or judge and do not take sides.
Talk to both of them alike, contain as much as possible and only when it crosses the border and reaches violence (physical / mental) separate immediately.
When they read to you, listen and contain and tell them that you trust them that they can resolve the dispute and get by on their own.
Encourage ways to resolve conflicts
- If you feel that there is a permanent rupture in the relationship between the children, in calm time invite them to a conversation and help them have a respectful conversation.
Teach them how to listen empathetically and present ways to resolve the conflict.
The Jama app was established with the aim of addressing mothers of babies from birth to age three, and centralizing for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the app "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
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