Angry with the kids all the time?

This is how you will control your anger

Our children are supposed to bring us to the edge, our job is not to fall from it.

Anger control is necessary, it contributes and it is entirely possible.

A lecturer and expert accompanying the family cell explains how to do this

Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

24/02/2022

Thursday, 24 February 2022, 11:57

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There is no parent present and present who does not lash out at his children from time to time.

And certainly now in the midst of a global epidemic, shared time in the house is skyrocketing, fewer boundaries, more screens, the kids are bored and restless all the time around us.

You try to keep all the balls in the air: home, relationships, work and in the end find yourself more repulsive, less sufficient, late even for zoom meetings and then he arrives, your little puppy who suddenly remembers having a task for Family Day and in the background his sister's screams just ended - And enough!

Here you are erupting.

First, it's important to know that you're not alone, 98 percent of parents have tantrums in front of their children, especially when the children are preschoolers.

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While we are sure our kids are annoying (this is probably also true), they are not the cause of the outburst.

The children may be the trigger, they are probably the straw that broke the camel's back, but the reasons for our storm are not related to them but related to our interpretation and the fact that we sometimes react more dramatically.

We see our child's behavior ("here he beats again") and we jump to conclusions ("he will end up in Abu Kabir") which triggers more conclusions ("I failed as a parent") and here begins the drift, feelings of unbearable fear and guilt attack us On all sides and the best defense is attack so we explode on them, shout and erupt it happens very fast.

The whole process takes less than two seconds.

In two seconds it happens.

Mother angry over her home (Photo: ShutterStock)

In a completely survivable way our brain responds to a trigger, sometimes it recognizes the situation as an "emergency" and the child as an enemy, and then physically we enter a state of "fight or flight".

Hormones flood the body, cause our muscles to contract, pulse to rise, breathing to be fast, it is inevitable, at that moment we feel a huge urge to act, to react, to "teach it a lesson" - but it is anger that speaks and not logic.

It is important to delay the reactions and not hit the iron when it is hot, one can completely teach the child a lesson even after the rage passes, and it will probably also be much more effective, the child is not going anywhere (come on, you know where he lives).

When we show self-control in front of our children in moments of anger we first of all protect them from the monster that comes out of us and just as importantly, we teach them an important lesson about life - to take responsibility for their reactions, be aware and responsible for their feelings and know how to communicate respectfully.

Accept it, anger is a fact of life, it must be acknowledged and prepared for.

The good relationship at home is not related to a sudden change in human nature - so give up the fantasy in advance and instead of trying not to get angry, try to control the expression of your anger, reactions and behavior.

This is how you will control your anger

This is an early sign

for everyone to have their own red border.

It is important that you get to know yours.

This is in advance when you are "warming up" and may lose control, is it noise that ignites you?

Quarrels between the brothers?

Mess at home?

Maybe it's a certain hour around the morning or evening get-together, you will usually find consistency and a regular pattern.

You have identified the early signs, you have met the red line, made a conscious decision to act differently.

Remind yourself that this is not an emergency, that your children need love especially when it is difficult for them, that you want to teach them self-control and respect.

By the way, it's really okay to say it to yourself out loud.

Anger is a fact of life.

Father and daughter (Photo: ShutterStock)

If possible stay away and do something else

Remember that physical arousal does not last long, soon the storm will pass and logic will return to you - in the meantime go make coffee, it is much harder to lose control with a cup of coffee in hand.

Go out on the porch, wash your face, put on a song you like, and even smile forcefully it immediately sends a message to the brain that we are not in an emergency.

And in the same context, the fact that you have moved away does not really mean that you have given up on the principles or that the child has "won", it only means that you provide a model of self-control and respectful treatment, you will soon come back calmer and solve the problem together.

sometimes there will be situations where you will not be able to cope well with the anger.

Find the strength in yourself to apologize and open a new page, to say something along the lines of: "I shouted too much and was a little scared, I did not mean it did not come to you next time I will try harder .."

Our children live in the "here and now", they perceive the world in a concrete way and they really need to hear us say that we have passed, that we are no longer angry.

The Jama app was established with the aim of addressing mothers of babies from birth to age three, and centralizing for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the content in the app "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.

The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.

Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

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